To ask how you keep on top of it all?

[MissyCooper]

I feel overwhelmed and sad tonight. I know deep down that it’s because my period is due and that tends to give me the blues a bit but I’m feeling pretty shitty.

I have two young kids. 4 and 18 months. I work three days per week in a job that takes over my life (I am applying for other things but there’s not much out there just now).

Tonight my husband has taken the kids out so I can work/do housework/chill out so I’m sorting washing to put away while watching tv. And I’ve picked up a few pairs of white tights belonging to both girls and I’ve noticed they are a greying mess, or bobbly or whatever. How did I not notice that they needed replaced? When was I meant to do that?

So this seems to have triggered some kind of overwhelmed sadness like I’m a failure as a parent because they don’t have nice tights or because the older one needs her fringe cut or I can’t think what to make them for tea this week.

I know I’m not articulating this well. There’s just so much to do. So much to think about.

I know this might sound daft, but about the tree... turn off the lights in the room, turn on the lights on the tree. Then try to look at it how your girls see it. My dd made me stop and really look at it and I realised how lovely it is. Ours hasn't got super expensive decorations and as I did it with Dd it is not perfectly neat and tidy, but it's lovely.

Sometimes stopping like that just for a little while brings things back into focus.

Oh and the comment about other people's houses being tidy because they did a quick today before you came totally! My husband does not get this and think everyone lives in a Showhome but us!!

I have a similar age gap and work 4 days per week. I feel I constantly behind with everything and like I'm only just keeping my head above water. Everyone is fed, washed, wearing clean clothes, and entertained/stimulated but I really struggle to get anything 'over and above' the basics done when it comes to love admin - giving the house a proper clean, printing out photos of the kids, putting time into researching a holiday. If I ever get time to myself in the evening I just want to slob on the sofa with DH or collapse in bed with a book.

It's hard! Give yourself a break :)

Time management and prioritisation

Social media has a lot to answer for. Few people post photos of their just-around-the-house days; they wait until they’re all glammed up for a fab-ulous night out. Or you never see their children eat Dairylea cheese triangles and Doritos for dinner. Don’t be so hard on yourself OP; you managed to produce the most beautiful tree your daughter had ever seen.. Your children are warm, happy, safe and loved.

I think like pp said social media has a lot to answer for. We dont show our whole life on there so the pictures you see are what people want you to see.

My homes not immaculate but everyone is warm clean and fed. I tidy the living room every night before bed so when i wake up i go downstairs to a tidy room.

Me and dp work full time and ds is at nursery full time so when i get home i want to spend time with him, not clean the house top to bottom!

Not the specifics, but the emotions, I could have written this. I think many people, particularly parents and often women, really struggle with modern life. I feel I am expected to work like I'm not a parent and parent like I don't work. Be kind to yourself, first and foremost, and know that you're not alone!

Oh god solidarity to you! I have the same age gap and am at the same stage. Your post really resonated with me!
I love my children beyond words but I find motherhood incredibly difficult-I'm working fulltime with a 1hr 15 min commute (each way) and I'm an absolute fucking WRECK. I feel like I'm trying to do everything and I'm managing to do a tiny bit of most things really badly.

Getting a cleaner really really helped, and I basically do everything online. I'm still constantly on the backfoot though and things get missed. It's just a phase....and repeat x10.....

I’m really glad I started this thread. I feel less alone. I felt like I was really failing and I just want the best for them.

I’m still up because I’m working. Whoever above said parent like you don’t work and work like you’re not a parent has it spot on.

DirtyGirty I feel like we could be friends

My mum told me that only people with staff put their children in white clothes! I think you've Got the bar too high - either accept that white clothes need attention, or make life easy by only having stuff that won't be ruined by chucking it in the washing machine with everything else.
It's really hard working, looking after small children and running a household. Chores take way longer when you're either knackered or trying to entertain / look after children at the same time, and there's loads more washing cleaning tidying and organising to fit in to very limited time.
Concentrate on the organisation - consider how you can streamline things. So easy wash clothes that don't need ironing, simple meals ( egg or beans on toast plus fruit or yogurt is a nutritionally valid choice at least twice a week!) Online shopping, and whatever else works for you.
As an example, I knew someone who at one point had 4 children under 3. She kept storage for the children's clothes near the washing machine in the kitchen, so that it was easy to put away, and she didn't have to keep running upstairs to dress the children.
There's a website called The Organised Home, it's got really useful ideas.
And the only working parents I knew with pristine homes had help - cleaners/grannies etc.

When DD1 goes to school in the summer and the childcare costs come down, we have agreed that we will get a cleaner.

All I can say is that you haven't seen my far from perfect house, I am so overwhelmed by it all and the house suffers for it.

I have a 21 month old with sleep issues, sensory issues, speech delays and possible autism. I also have a 13 yr old with bi polar disorder. Lots and lots of therapy appointments, work part time in the Summer, DH has demanding job with lots of overnight travel, and I have no one to help! These are some things that work for me that you might find helpful:

• A large diary/planner where I right down everything. Appointments, bill due dates, coupon expiration dates, DH travel plans. Bills are kept in clear pocket and paid online. I sit down one morning a week while baby eats breakfast and sort through everything.
• I’m not a mummy martyr. I don’t volunteer for PTA or other things I can’t stretch too. If DS13 wants to bake Xmas cookies with me fine, but it’s from a packet. I don’t do complicated crafts and I don’t gossip online and send non stop texts to my friends
• I’m organized and I have a routine. When the toddler slowly eats his breakfast I wizz around and clean. I get dinner going in the crockpot and load both the stuff I used to cook dinner and breakfast dishes in the dishwasher. I’ll empty it when he eats lunch.
• All my bills get paid online and I do a grocery shop once a week online. Always make sure I keep longline milk , nappies, bread in the freezer and pasta on hand. If I notice something needs replacing (like the white tights) I’ll get not just the size I need but the next size up too.
• Not only do our clothes get put out the night before, but I’ll also pack my car for the week . This afternoon I put our dry cleaning in the car to be dropped off tomorrow, DSs sports bag for three days of karate, gift wrap and tape for a wrapping party later this week, Xmas stuff for the post office, and snacks for the toddler while we are getting through all of this!

It sounds like you are doing absolutely fine and most likely better than you think!

Girl! Be proud of your ability to prioritize! the day isn't long enough to put in everything and you are doing a great job as a mum making those brave choices as to whats important and not every moment of the day!

rest assured that anyone who seems like they are on top of it all often have lots of paid help or are prioritizing "looking as if you are on top of everything".

And nobody needs white tights ever.
pattern everything

I have a v similar age gap and also work nearly full time. My only tip for you is to set up a whatsapp group with your DH. I have one with mine and we post links to useful recipes to remember etc but more importantly I post ‘life admin’ there that I want him to do. He’d never think of some things and that is that so I do it there eg sort out gloves for the kids for winter, make sure we have proof of address ready for our child’s school application and so on.

I've done the same regarding clothes - I tend to be on auto pilot when taking washing out of the machine and didn't notice marks on son's white boxers, I only noticed after unpacking his day bag (he has three changes as we are coming to end of potty training). I felt so ashamed that I had sent him out with boxers with all those marks on them as if it made me less of a mum.
We are all doing our best and as long as little ones are happy and in washed clothes I think we are winning at it!

To quote one of my friends when I'm having a hard day: 'Everyone fed, no one dead?'

Then you're winning!