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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this a homophobic comment?

48 replies

MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 08/12/2018 21:28

So we were discussing politics today in the office (always a bad idea) and person A mentioned how wonderful and welcoming Canada was in terms of migrants from war torn areas, letting in families but also single homosexual men (who face persecutions in their home countries). Person X kind of laughed and said that it was a bit of a strange thing and that it invites all sorts of people who can abuse it, as anyone can come in and say they are gay, and it's not like you can prove it's true or not during the process of letting people through the border. An mini-argument followed, as person A felt the comment was out of place and homophobic.
While maybe not pleasant, I didn't think it was. maybe I'm wrong?

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 08/12/2018 21:30

How was it homophobic ?!

Avrannakern · 08/12/2018 21:34

It's not. It's a perfectly reasonable argument. They didn't say "don't let the gays in". They just pointed out the loophole. There's always loopholes and people are allowed to point them out. Your other colleague was just looking for a reason to be offended.

HestiaParthenos · 08/12/2018 21:36

Why do they let in homosexual men but not homosexual women?

Or, women, period. Women face persecution for the crime of "not being a good little doormat" in pretty much all countries where homosexual men are persecuted.

It is true, anyone CAN say they're gay. So you pretty much do let everyone in. Unless you intend to kick them out the moment they hit on a woman, but really, who has the time to keep track of that sort of thing?

Avrannakern · 08/12/2018 21:38

@HestiaParthenos

Gay women can apply for asylum too. OP used gay men as the example because that's what they were discussing, but women apply and get in too.

Threadastaire · 08/12/2018 21:38

It's not homophobic but it's pretty ignorant. It's not like people just turn up to the border and camp it up a little.

Original poster
MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 08/12/2018 21:39

Person A are homosexual themselves, which I think makes them more sensitive, they seem to think Person X was somehow accusing gay people to be dishonest and that without the regulation, many homosexual people would be sent back home, knowing they face torture, etc, so it should stand, Person X found it silly, etc.

OP posts:
StrawberrySquash · 08/12/2018 21:43

Well if the refugee says they are gay only a non-gay refugee would be lying. So logically the implication can't have been that gay people are dishonest.
I have read stuff about the UK government being horribly intrusive in terms of wanting details of gay asylum seekers to prove they are what they say they are.

Craft1905 · 08/12/2018 21:45

Person X was somehow accusing gay people to be dishonest

No, he was accusing straight people of being dishonest, by pretending to be gay to get asylum. Or have I misunderstood?

OnlyaMan · 08/12/2018 21:46

It was obviously not a Homophobic comment. It was directed at people who are pretending to be Homosexual. If anything the "pretenders" are being insulting to Gay men (and women).

starzig · 08/12/2018 21:50

Wasn't homophobic but very xenophobic and cynical. Kind of implied people from other countries are not welcome.

Birdsgottafly · 08/12/2018 21:50

"it's pretty ignorant. It's not like people just turn up to the border and camp it up a little"

If you think that people don't lie to get into the UK, you are very ignorant.

It isn't a homiphobic comment. If you thought it could be then you don't understand homphobia.

There was a case of a Man who was convicted of rape of a Woman, who had obtained UK Citizenship via the 'gay persecution' route. But once granted it can't be undone.

Birdsgottafly · 08/12/2018 21:52

"Kind of implied people from other countries are not welcome."

They're not, in general. But every Country has to get involved in taking in refugees/asylum seekers.

Every con that gets in takes a place of a genuine person in need.

Birdsgottafly · 08/12/2018 21:53

Con artist.

Gileswithachainsaw · 08/12/2018 22:00

Of course People would lie.

They lie about their age don't they?
They lie abiut their sex.

If they could say they are gay ajdnget in of course they would.

Tahts not homophobic. Not unless he didn't want them in based purely on the fact they are or could be gay

skybluee · 08/12/2018 22:00

I know for one case - I think a Ugandan woman - they asked for a huge amount of evidence.

Threadastaire · 08/12/2018 22:03

@birdsgottafly I didn't say people wouldn't lie, I said it's not as simple as just turning up to the border and acting a bit camp. But please, feel free to make up what you think you read if it suits.

OP, to actually be granted asylum, people usually have to evidence real, not hypothetical threat. The comment wasn't homophobic but it was ignorant and belittling. Its like a woman talking about women's refuges for victims of violence and a man laughing it off and saying some women lie about being victims to get council houses. Person X was being a twat.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 08/12/2018 22:06

It's homophobic.

It's based in the idea that you don't 'need' to express your sexuality. You could always be celibate, and it is selfish or arrogant not to be. Censorious people will say 'why would someone not just restrain themselves and never have sex? They don't need to be obviously gay,' as if falling in love is a luxury and gay people don't have any restraint.

From that follows the idea that being gay isn't a 'reasonable' reason to seek asylum, because it's only a preference and something you could hide if you wanted to. Once you've accepted that idea, it's easy to say 'oh, anyone could lie and pretend to be gay if they chose'.

Obviously, it's also true anyone 'could' lie and pretend to be persecuted. You could pretend to be Jewish. You could claim you have Roma ancestry. You could say you belonged to this or that banned religion. You could say you were a human rights' activist who'd been victimised.

But, you'd have to have quite a bit of evidence to back it up. In parts of the world, gay men are anally raped with instruments during 'investigations' to see whether or not they are 'accustomed' to having anal sex.

I really don't think most people would lie in this sort of detail.

Sethis · 08/12/2018 22:08

Less homophobic, more xenophobic.

There was a huge drama recently in the news about an EU country rejecting a man's claim to asylum from persecution because he "didn't seem gay", so this is a problem for some.

MakeAHouseAHome · 08/12/2018 22:14

Not homophobic whatsoever. Your colleague sounds pathetic.

FissionChips · 08/12/2018 22:19

I lived with a fake lesbian asylum seeker, she ended up getting deported because it was rather obvious she wasn’t gay. They don’t just take peoples word.

Bluntness100 · 08/12/2018 22:19

Person X was somehow accusing gay people to be dishonest

That's not even logical. Worst case they were saying straight people would lie and say they were gay, the gay person would be rhe honest one in this scenario.

Bluntness100 · 08/12/2018 22:20

It's homophobic

Well at least your colleague isn't the only person who can't grasp it. Sigh,

Walkingdeadfangirl · 08/12/2018 22:23

No different than saying grown men claim asylum pretending they are children. Of course some asylum claimants lie.

hamburgers · 08/12/2018 22:27

It doesn't matter. Canada isn't as welcoming as everyone thinks - they operate a points-based system like Australia.

That said, genuine asylum seekers are accepted anywhere and everywhere for a myriad of reasons.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 08/12/2018 22:29

Oh, come on, how can it not be homophobic to say it is a 'strange thing' to grant asylum to gay people? Confused

I would understand if someone say 'some people lie'. Which is what virtually everyone on this thread who thinks the OP situation isn't homophobic, has said.

Yes, obviously some people lie.

But it's still homophobic to say granting asylum to gay people is 'strange'.