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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was this a homophobic comment?

48 replies

MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 08/12/2018 21:28

So we were discussing politics today in the office (always a bad idea) and person A mentioned how wonderful and welcoming Canada was in terms of migrants from war torn areas, letting in families but also single homosexual men (who face persecutions in their home countries). Person X kind of laughed and said that it was a bit of a strange thing and that it invites all sorts of people who can abuse it, as anyone can come in and say they are gay, and it's not like you can prove it's true or not during the process of letting people through the border. An mini-argument followed, as person A felt the comment was out of place and homophobic.
While maybe not pleasant, I didn't think it was. maybe I'm wrong?

OP posts:

Butchyrestingface · 08/12/2018 22:31

Are you person X, OP? Don't see that it was homophobic.

BumbleBeee69 · 08/12/2018 22:31

They just pointed out the loophole. There's always loopholes and people are allowed to point them out. Your other colleague was just looking for a reason to be offended

I completely agree

OnlyaMan · 08/12/2018 22:32

I have personal experience of an obviously heterosexual (married) man who tried to claim a right to remain in the UK. I will not give details because it would be "outing". He was quite a nice bloke actually-we got on quite well.
When he was about to be removed to his original Caribbean country, he unexpectedly alleged he was Gay.
He was obviously lying. He is still here.

Cherries101 · 08/12/2018 22:38

It’s very hard to get refugee status in canada for being lgbt— a big reason for this is that they use Western ideals about what being lgbt means. So individuals must be out and proud— so people in the closet will never get refugee status and so lgbt people from problem countries that the policy is designed to help will never obtain it. You also need to remember that in many countries (even in the Middle East) it’s socially acceptable to be trans/bi/asexual but not gay and many times the question is asked why individuals don’t pretend.

Birdsgottafly · 08/12/2018 22:43

LRDtheFeministDragon, because you can questioned it.

I'm friends with a Woman from Nigeria. In her region the stories were shocking about the treatment of Women. Boko Haram is active there. Yet the daily kidnaps, beating and rapes and often killings aren't enough to grant a Woman asylum.

Asylum seeking does highlight yet another gender bias.

To the person who said Asylum Seekers are welcome everywhere. No they aren't. Many live in tents, Women give Birth and live with Newborns in tents. Children beg for food and money.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 08/12/2018 22:45

because you can questioned it - sorry, I get this is a typo and I'm not being a dick, but can you say it again because I can't figure out what you meant?

I know they ask for lots of evidence. I said that it my post. But don't see how that has a bearing here?

And, yes, I agree with you it is absurd to say asylum seekers are welcome everywhere (or anywhere. )

FunkyKingston · 08/12/2018 22:49

If anything the "pretenders" are being insulting to Gay men (and women)

Aww that's a pity, I liked them til Chrissie Hynde started pissing around with UB40

Iloveautumnleaves · 08/12/2018 22:50

Person X kind of laughed and said that it was a bit of a strange thing and that it invites all sorts of people who can abuse it, as anyone can come in and say they are gay, and it's not like you can prove it's true or not during the process of letting people through the border

They were saying ‘it’s a bit of a strange thing’ because ANYONE CAN PRETEND TO BE GAY and abuse it.

There’s NOTHING homophobic about saying non gay people could abuse this way of getting in.

They were NOT saying it’s ‘a strange thing to grant it to gay people’ - they were questioning how it could be enforced as anyone could pretend.

They’re a bit thick, but not homophobic,

Birdsgottafly · 08/12/2018 22:52

LRDtheFeministDragon, you can question why we let gay men have indefinite leave to remain. When most of the Women in the same region are being treated, as routine, as badly as a Gay Man claims he is and the Women are under the same threat, if they don't conform. But with the added danger that giving Birth could kill her.

But none of that experience as a Woman in some parts of the World, would be enough to be granted Asylum.

Birdsgottafly · 08/12/2018 22:55

Iloveautumnleaves, how are they a bit thick?

I'm helping one of my Friends, who is on the 30 month biometric route with the application for her Mother to visit. She has friends in similar positions. Tbh, it does seem to be the luck of the draw, whether someone gets in/can remain/gets away with their scam.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 08/12/2018 22:59

Well, yes, birds, you can question it, but it's still homophobic to say it is 'strange' because anyone can pretend to be gay (and NB, the person in the OP seems to have gone from her point about gay men to just gay people).

It is appalling and disgusting that we consider being female - and abused - not worth giving asylum for (and of course it affects far more people than could possibly be granted asylum). I agree with you. But that doesn't mean the logic the OP describes isn't homophobic. I responded to the OP - and sorry, but what she describes is homophobic as a chain of logic.

Craft1905 · 08/12/2018 23:03

If anything the "pretenders" are being insulting to Gay men (and women)

Aww that's a pity, I liked them til Chrissie Hynde started pissing around with UB40

So true, UB40 are garbage, what was she thinking???

Birdsgottafly · 08/12/2018 23:05

So it's homophobic to wonder why it's OK to leave Women to be abused and murdered, little Girks to have their genital mutilated and die from infection etc but not Gay Men?

LRDtheFeministDragon · 08/12/2018 23:06

No, of course it isn't homophobic. That's why I just said that isn't homophobic?

I said the bit in the OP was homophobic.

Right?

LRDtheFeministDragon · 08/12/2018 23:07

I'm not sure if you've been drinking or something, but it's this bit of my post:

I can see you are mistyping more than you usually do, and you're not reading my posts, and I don't know what's going on quite, but ... well, just read my posts, eh?

StoneofDestiny · 09/12/2018 00:13

It was not homophobic.
It's true - how can you prove you are or are not.
Hitler's thugs accused people of being homosexual as a convenient way to discredit them and send them to be killed. It's still a strategy used in various intolerant parts of the world today to discredit or get rid of people.

JustABetterPlayer · 09/12/2018 00:17

No it’s not, and your colleague has a point.

Flowerpot2005 · 09/12/2018 05:50

Not homophobic at all.

I do think some people often throw in it's racist, homophobic etc when they have no reasonable response in a discussion / disagreement.

Original poster

MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 09/12/2018 07:52

@LRDtheFeministDragon - He didn't say that it was strange to grant asylum to gay people, but that it's not something that can be easily verified, so the rule being strange for the reason anyone can claim to be someone they are not (we actually spoke about a documentary showing asylum seekers in the Netherlands I believe saying they were Christian, and how the their immigration officers were trying to distinguish who was, and who actually wasn't Christian, as it's not just lets say knowing your Bible that is the only evidence).
So yeah, I dont think it was a comment aimed at gay people, but at the impossibility of proving someone's sexual orientation.

@Butchyrestingface- No, if it was me, I would not mind saying I made the comment.

OP posts:

KillJester · 09/12/2018 10:12

It’s certainly an odd thing to say. There are numerous reasons to claim asylum, and you could lie about any one of them, so to pick out homosexuality in particular does hint at homophobia.

trojanpony · 09/12/2018 11:27

Person A is a bit of an idiot.

Person X is pointing out this system is open to abuse. (Which I don’t disagree with actually)

Unless X said something like “homosexuals who are persecuted in their home country should be stoned to death” or similar it is really not in anyway homophobic

LRDtheFeministDragon · 09/12/2018 21:44

He didn't say that it was strange to grant asylum to gay people, but that it's not something that can be easily verified

But that's totally different from your OP? There, you said:

I can't help feeling you must have been trying to provoke a reaction here, if what you say in your later post is the real story. They're entirely different statements.

HSarah · 09/12/2018 21:46

IMO it's not homophobic at all. I understood that to mean that person B said people who are not gay could claim to be gay to take advantage of the system, as there's no way of knowing if someone is gay or not in that context.

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