To think my kids will remember what a miserable twat their Dad is

[worthygirl]

Just that really. My ‘dp’ is a grumpy old man- he won’t take the kids to the park, he won’t play with them and is super grumpy to the point of reducing my 6 year old to tears earlier. I hate him for it.
It’s always me taking them to the park, doing fun stuff with them. It’s like he forgets they are kids- he wouldn’t get DD’s train track out earlier hence her tears. I just feel like that’s all they will remember of their childhood- a miserable cunt who wouldn’t play with them. I try to fill the gap and make sure they have a fun, happy, loved life but I feel like he ruins it all.
Aibu to hope they remember the good & not the bad?
Ps, we are starting therapy as I have had enough

Yes they probably will remember what a miserable twat their dad is but they will also remember their lovely mum doing fun stuff with them.

They will remember.

You sound like a lovely mum doing your best to give them a good childhood. I hope the therapy helps your husband to become a decent dad.

Yes they will remember, like other posters have said they will remember how grumpy their father was as well.

Have you spoken to him as to why he is so grumpy?

They will remember. They will have the ability to process when older as well.

@letsdolunch honestly, so many times I have talked to him about it. It’s why we are going to therapy. I’m so angry about the way he behaves I really am

I think I probably over compensate actually as want them to have good memories!

That sounds miserable for you. Could he be depressed?

Why wouldn’t he get the train set out?

@littlelongdog I don’t know what it is- too much hassle? I got it out for in the end as she wanted to play - I just think it’s so miserable

Yes, they'll remember. My dad was vile, still is. I was an anxious child because of it and it really affected my confidence.

I hope the therapy helps but if it doesn't I think you should consider leaving him.

We have the same imbalance in my house. DH thinks of ds (6) as a mini adult and expects far too much quiet.

I've told DH he is sucking the fun out of our lives and I'm at the end of my tether with it. Its not healthy to have one grumpy ass parent and one over compensating loving parent, it's gotta create some sort of problem in later life.

I'm not asking my DH to change his personality but be mindful that we chose to have a child and part of parenting is doing things the kid enjoys, just for his sake.

Otherwise maybe like me you will end up considering how much easier and fun things are completely without DH anywhere near.

I understand it to a point - train sets and dolls bore the life out of me, but you suck it up sometimes and offer the activities you do enjoy doing more.

I see shades of this in dp sometimes too but will concede that he has fun with dd more often than not. It’s completely out of order to have no ways to spend time with your own kids.

There must be something he can find to enjoy with them.

@frogsbreath I think I already feel like life is more joyful when he isn’t about

@justabetterplayer ????

Yes they will remember some of the times he has been a grumpy old man.

They will also remember some of the fun times with their Mum

But they will pick up on and remember any tension between their parents with much more clarity.

I know you are taking steps to address issues OP but just be aware that for a young child one bad memory will wipe out a hundred good.

Is he grumpy in other ways?

Yes there’s nothing worse than living with a misery guts sucking the joy out of everything. Meanwhile you’re walking on eggshells. Yes they’ll remember

Yep they will remember. Mine are now 19 and 21 and recall how miserable ex DH was. Sad thing is he blames his upbringing and plays the woe is me card to them both, so they inevitably feel sorry for him.

It sounds like he may be depressed. There is sometimes grumpy, but always being miserable and never wanting to have a good time with your own children would suggest something deeper

This sounds like my dh except without the counselling. It's so hard to decide what to do. I do love DH but it's much more fun when he isn't here. And it's easier to look after the DCs, and I can get them to sleep better.
But is it bad enough that I should leave for the sake of the kids? DH is just irritated by us so much of the time. I worry about the DCs self esteem living with someone who so openly finds them annoying.

Ahhh dear

@shepherds my DS says quite regularly that he hates his Dad- it’s awful as he’s only 11. I do feel like it’s constantly walking on eggshells & i am very unhappy too

I remember it and I also wonder why our mother subjected us all to such grinding misery so sorry OP, I think they will.