Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this weird?

54 replies

Chosenbyyou · 08/12/2018 08:16

Hey,

I have just thought that this might be odd?!

DH and I have been together for 15 years. We have separate money and put the same into a joint account which covers bills. We earn roughly the same.

We buy Xmas presents separately. We each buy stuff for the same people but separately. We have two DCs 1y and 3y and we have bought them seperate things from Santa - probably spent similar.

Is this weird or normal?!! :)

OP posts:
PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 08/12/2018 08:43

Little odd yes, do you tot up how much you've spent on nappies etc? What about maternity leave when your income would have been reduced?

YetAnotherSpartacus · 08/12/2018 08:45

'Course it's not weird - do what suits you! Great that your DH actually buys presents and thinks of others instead of considering that wife-work!

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 08/12/2018 08:46

Do what you want OP if it works for you, and you're happy.
Everyone is different, anything goes.💐

Boredisboring · 08/12/2018 08:47

I think it's lovely. It means that he is sharing the responsibility of choosing and buying for everyone, plus a gift to you from him is genuinely from him. Nicer than "just pick up something you want for yourself".

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 08/12/2018 08:50

I think it’s weird. It doesn’t sound like you’re a team or even a couple at all; just two separate adults who happen to live together doing their own thing.

Original poster
Chosenbyyou · 08/12/2018 08:52

We actually saved up for maternity leave jointly and then ‘paid’ me the same as before.

We are very equal which is odd but then we met young (had nothing) and still now earn very similar. He also does half childcare cuz he works shifts.

Maybe we just have an unusual set up cuz of circumstance :)

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 08/12/2018 08:52

It’s weird your OH is bothered enough to buy his own presents, Ive never met a man who hasn’t delegated it to his wife unless she detested shopping

SoyDora · 08/12/2018 08:56

I don’t think sharing present buying is weird or unusual (DH certainly doesn’t delegate all present buying to me, I’m not better at it than him by virtue of being a woman) but surely it would make more sense to just sit down and discuss what you’re going to get everything then split the actual buying?

Lookingforadvice123 · 08/12/2018 08:57

I don't think it's that weird, maybe the bit about your dc's presents. But then DH and I are similar - earn similar amounts, pretty much split most of our outgoings 50/50, and we have a joint credit card which we put all joint expenses eg petrol, clothes for DS, family lunches out on, and we pay it off in full every month, splitting the bill 50/50.

We also buy our parents separate presents. My folks will buy us individual presents (ie one for me, one for DH) so why would they only get one? I tend to spend more, naturally, as they're my parents. DH tends to go down the food and booze route, but they host us at Christmas and spend a fortune so he would never want to not get anything.

I don't get his parents anything but then I'm not close to them, and they always ask for expensive stuff from DH anyway as they think he has loads of money Hmm we don't at all. So they send links for items £25-30 that they want him to get. We probably spend the same on my parents, between us.

The presents for DS are always joint though.

dudsville · 08/12/2018 08:59

I don't think it's weird at all. It's hard for the two of you to go together and you both want to buy for family and friends. I think its nice.

SoyDora · 08/12/2018 09:00

DH and I don’t go shopping together really, but we do discuss what we’re going to get everyone and split the actual responsibility for buying.

PipGoesPop · 08/12/2018 09:01

Weird

chocatoo · 08/12/2018 09:10

Weird. Although we do give DD one small present each that is specifically from each of us (the rest are joint or from Santa).

Original poster
Chosenbyyou · 08/12/2018 09:12

Yes we are probably not much of a team!

We don’t get much time together tbh due to the shifts and he often works on if he is needed.

However, he doesn’t view anything as wife work from what I can gather. He is not perfect by any stretch Halo

OP posts:
Original poster
Chosenbyyou · 08/12/2018 09:14

Soydora - yes we should probably discuss what to buy.

I just asked him and he said he thinks of stuff and just buys it there and then or he will forget.

OP posts:
ImExhausted · 08/12/2018 09:18

Weird!

greenpop21 · 08/12/2018 09:19

WEIRD.

greenpop21 · 08/12/2018 09:21

So the gifts are from you both? That's not weird, that's just purchasing them separately because of convenience and everyone does a bit of that. If you give them separately, that is weird.

SoyDora · 08/12/2018 09:22

If it works for you both then I wouldn’t worry!

NameChangeToAvoidBeingFound · 08/12/2018 09:24

I don’t think it’s weird at all. You each do half is what it sounds like and your both happy so it’s not an issue.

Brazenhussy0 · 08/12/2018 09:37

It probably isn’t typical, but if it works for you both then crack on I say. There’s no rules about how to split finances and present buying.

DP and I keep finances seperate. I buy gifts for my family and he deals with his side and his DCs.
We split the household bills equally between us.

ThatOneHurt · 08/12/2018 09:42

You're not buying the same present twice, I know (that wouldn't just be weird, it would be idiotic). But you ARE buying presents twice.
Which is weird and wasteful.

Needadvice101 · 08/12/2018 09:45

I would but joint then you can spend more money and get “nicer” gift?

Chocolategirl79 · 08/12/2018 11:35

I'm really struggling to see why people think it's weird!! As long as you communicate about what you are getting then it works fine and means you share the load - both the thinking about it and the getting it.

The person getting the gift gets it from our family (or Santa) and are none the wiser.

For those of you who discuss it and then get it - who actually gets it ie goes to the shop and buys it? Or orders it and sorts out delivery? Does it all fall to one person?

SoyDora · 08/12/2018 11:40

For those of you who discuss it and then get it - who actually gets it ie goes to the shop and buys it? Or orders it and sorts out delivery? Does it all fall to one person?

No, we agree who has the responsibility for getting what. For example if the thing we’re getting someone is in John Lewis, DH will pop in because he works nearby and I don’t.