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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed with ex over daughters Christmas present.

34 replies

notaperfectparent · 07/12/2018 13:42

Back history - it has taken along time ( daughter 5 ) for him to contribute anything including time.
I am a full time carer to her she has a life limited disease.
So as it stands he pays 50 pound a month, works 35 -40 hours a week, lives at home with mum and has no other responsibilities.
Christmas is coming around with her birthday shortly followed.
She wants a particular game console which to be honest despite some will say she is too young it made sense as she is in isolation trapped to a bed a lot of the time so it will help in times where I have to go home to get clothes / sort house stuff.
So we spoke and agreed this would be her main present for Christmas and birthday as including games it was a lot.
We agreed to go half on it.
However it never happened I paid for the console ( 280 ) he paid for games ( 88 )
I then just messaged him to ask him if he was putting her matinence in today as I was due to pay for her ballet fees.
I got the reply that he had ordered the games so that was his contribution this month and will give me 20 pound next month.
Not really a Christmas present from him if it’s actually out the matinence money ? So again I’m the one left short ?
He says I’m being unreasonable and the matinence is for anything daughter related and that is daughter related.

OP posts:
rhnireland · 07/12/2018 13:44

YANBU in any way shape or form and I would go after him legally to get more maintenance as fifty month is ridiculously low

7yo7yo · 07/12/2018 13:44

Could you go through CMS?

ThatsWotSheSaid · 07/12/2018 13:45

Wow he’s a lovely guy isn’t he. If he doesn’t automatically want to do everything he can for his daughter I don’t know what you can do to show him how unreasonable he is. He doesn’t deserve her.

AriadnePersephoneCloud · 07/12/2018 13:45

How awful, he is being VVVU. What a wanker. Do you go through CSA, £50 a month seems laughable!

SprogletsMum · 07/12/2018 13:46

He sounds like an absolute prick. Go to the cms for your maintenance then he wont be able to pick and choose how much he pays.

Thesearmsofmine · 07/12/2018 13:47

YANBU what a knob he is. I would go through the CMS for maintenance.

JustHereForThePooStories · 07/12/2018 13:49

What an utter cunt he is. Vile specimen.

Sparklesocks · 07/12/2018 13:49

He sounds awful and it sends a very clear message about the importance of his daughter in his life. Agree with PP you should try to increase his contribution via CMS.

Original poster
notaperfectparent · 07/12/2018 13:50

So he left when daughter was 2 weeks old in a England NICU, to go home ( not in uk but an island of it )
I never managed to return as Daughter never left hospital until 2 weeks before her 2 nd birthday for the first time.
It makes it difficult to get matinence of him but this has really screwed me up for Christmas and he can’t see why !
He was here the other week telling her he was crying over the thought of not seeing her more despite taking 3 holidays this year on contact weekends.
I’m so tired of being the bad one

OP posts:
TwoBlueFish · 07/12/2018 13:50

Oh my gob, what a nob! Maintenance is to help with day to day costs of raising a child, £50 is an absolute pittance. I would getting the maintenance formerly assessed and wouldn’t put his name on the present at all.

Theoryofmould · 07/12/2018 13:50

I wouldn't be posting on MN, I'd be starting my application to CMS to make him pay for his child. I'm becoming increasingly angry at parents trying to wriggle out of paying for their kids. If he can't see thata gift from him is EXTRA to CM then he needs a good shake.

Original poster
notaperfectparent · 07/12/2018 13:52

I can’t apply to CMS it’s out of durastiction

OP posts:
ShartGoblin · 07/12/2018 14:15

Are you in touch with his mother? I would be telling her everything if you can. If the law won't help maybe his mum threatening to boot him out the door if he doesn't grow up will.

ShartGoblin · 07/12/2018 14:16

To add to that I would post in legal because I'm sure it's not right that you can't take him to court for maintenance, it's probably just a bit specialist so the information is hard to find. It's possible to do if the father lives outside the UK so there has to be something in between

SimplyPut · 07/12/2018 14:18

In your circumstances I would make sure his mother knows what a star her son is!

AdobeWanKenobi · 07/12/2018 14:19

"ok thats fine, I'll just wrap the games from me then"

And I agree, get to Legal and see if someone can advise you.

SingaporeSlinky · 07/12/2018 14:24

Doesn’t he understand that the ‘maintenance’ still applies, on top of presents? Ask him what he thinks you spend that 50 on, and list it out for him. Food, clothes, shoes, extra-curricular activities, and say that you will still need to supply all of those things this month as well as house and bills on top. So to deduct his gift from essentially the food bill is utterly ridiculous.

MyKingdomForBrie · 07/12/2018 14:27

What's the CMS equivalent in his jurisdiction?

Original poster
notaperfectparent · 07/12/2018 15:00

Where he is there is a set amount instead of the way we do it which I think it’s 200-220 a month rather than percentages.
But I’m not sure because I’m not a resident that it would apply

OP posts:
Houseonahill · 07/12/2018 15:03

I agree with PP I would reply no sorry that's not how it works so I will wrap the games from me.

Bambamber · 07/12/2018 15:05

What an absolute asshole (him of course not you)

billybagpuss · 07/12/2018 15:27

Hi, what an idiot. I agree with the wrapping the games up from you and not him. I also agree with telling his mum.

With regards to jurisdiction I am wondering if I have guessed where he may be resident from what you've said which makes legalities difficult. I think you should try calling one of the solicitors local to him to ask for advise, there may be something you can do.

Have you answered his last text?

SushiMonster · 07/12/2018 15:31

It need toe be a criminal offense to not pay CM.

Or the men could have their balls cut off and "I'm a TWAT" tattooed on their foreheads which would be my first choice .

dippledorus · 07/12/2018 15:34

This is a northern ireland link but it shows the countries (including an island off the UK I think I know what one you are talking about) that have REMO arrangements with the UK.