AIBU to want a shared account?

[Londonmamabychance]

Currently I'm out of work (actively been looking for 4 month a but no luck yet) and we are relying on only DH's income. Up until now we have had separate accounts, as we both had income. Since having kids and I went part time and during two maternity leaves, my income was less than his, and he paid rent, most bills and most groceries, while I covered child care (which was a lot ) and phone bills, and bought most of the children's clothes, gifts and travel expenses etc. Money wasn't a problem between us, as he was always quite generous and if I was ever in the black all I had to do was ask and he'd transfer me some money. Also paid when we went out. We have two kids 2 and 4 years old.
Now, however, I have had no income at all for the last 6 months, after I quit my job for a relocation. He got a job 3 months ago, but I'm still looking, meanwhile doing all child drops offs and pick ups and majority of housework and all other childcare. I've asked him to transfer me some money a few times to pay kids childcare, phonebills, groceries and things for the children and now Christmas presents. I thought I had more left in my account than I did and aksed him for a smaller amount than I needed, then had to ask him again three days later. He got upsets and questioned what I had spend the money on. I explained, but he was still annoyed. I think mainly cos we are a bit tight now. I feel humiliated having to ask him for money and justify each time what I need it for. So I suggested we get either a shared account he can transfer money into, and thus be aware what money is spend on, or just get me a card for his account. This way he would always know what I spend, and I would only use it for bills and stuff for kids and us all. For clothes or treats for myself I'd use the little bit I have left in my own account. Can I ask what's your various set ups re. Sharing money - if you're both working (which I hope I will be soon again) or if one is the sole breadwinner?

We have separate accounts. We split rent and bills 50/50. I pay for around 80% of groceries and baby stuff as I earn more. He pays for the car as I don't drive but I contribute towards petrol. It's not set in stone though and either would help the other out if needed.

In your current situation you're nbu to want a joint account though

We got our first joint account nine years ago when we moved overseas. Both working, it was easier to just go through one application. When we got back here, I resumed using my sole current account and DH opened a new one. We have always shared money freely with each other and would never ask what it is being spent on. I am currently taking a year off to study and DH transfers most of his salary to me as the savings account is at my bank.

I don’t get people who don’t have joint accounts. We
Both get paid into one account and all our expenses come out of it. We both take an equal allowance out of it to go into our own accounts for spending on whatever we want with no questions asked. My dh earns more than 3 times my salary but we both take the same amount of spending money each month to be fair

We have a joint account that both our wages go into and then we both transfer a certain amount (currently £300) into our own accounts for whatever we want to spend on ourselves (clothes, nights out etc)
Everything else is paid via the joint account so bills, food, stuff for kids, anything we do together etc etc.
My husband earns more than double than me and we have always done it like this, we are a family and he wouldn't see me struggle whilst he had all this excess disposable income.

@Poodles1980
Haha I didn't see yours before I posted mine !

We have a joint account. Both working, but I earn more. We both spend whatever we want unless it's a large sum (maybe £100 or more), then we'll have a chat to check outgoings. I'd hate to be in a relationship where either partner had to ask the other one for money. We both think of all the money we earn as household income, and individual "treats" are included in that. I'm not saying a joint account is right for everyone, but trusting your partner with household resources is a pretty fundamental part of marriage imo, however you choose to organise your finances. So I'd suggest your problem is more than financial - sorry.

We have a joint account that we both transfer the same amount into each month (we earn the same). We use that for joint expenses and use our own money for our own things.

The opposite of poodles1980, I can't imagine only having one joint account for everything. I know a lot of people disagree but I also don't think it's fair for the much higher earner to put their whole salary in and everything be shared. But then I'm very financially independent.

In the case of your DH, YANBU to want a joint account because you have DC and need to buy things for them/the house! However, I also understand that your DH may not want a joint account if he is quite financially independent. Do you think he was questioning how much money you asked for because he felt that you had spent more than necessary while things are tight? Could he be resentful about you not finding a job yet?

Seperate accounts. We have one joint account that we both transfer 50% each of all the bills into.
I would never merge finances with anyone.

Joint accounts simply don't work, for two very onvious and practical reasons.

1. Most people who say they have a "joint" account actually don't, at least not when it comes to spending money.

Ever hear people on here saying "well we have always had a joint account, we pay all the bills from it and then transfer an amount each into our separate accounts for spending money"

The above is not a joint account. It is a bill account under two names. The remaining money is transferred into separate accounts.

1. A joint account, one where all money is deposited and spent from, just doesn't work in the real world. It forces both partners to constantly check with the other before spending any money. Otherwise the account would be drained from both spending without checking what the other was withdrawing. You would end up discussing money down to the last penny EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

That would drive any sane person a bit mental.

Um we have all totally joint accounts and it works fine. And no we don't discuss every single penny, or ask permission to buy shoes (this is always mentioned on this type of threads).
I'm the higher earner - DH has been a SAHD and starting his own business. It would feel weird to me to give him spending money or demanding what he is spending it on, like in the OP. Joint means he has full access to everything.

We have a joint account. It used to be that we earned relatively similar amounts but since having our second child I have cut down my hours and he comes out with about £900 more than me a month now. It doesn’t change anything though as everything still goes into the joint account and we just spend the money on whatever we need to.

All money is shared. Any large expenses are discussed.
We go through our finances/budget every couple of weeks.
Every year we reassess.

There are no arguments or underlying resentments because it's 50/50.

We always had a joint account since we got married and never even think about it to be honest. We are lucky that we have the same view on spending money, which helps!
Since we had the kids, money is a complete non-issue, let's face it everything is for them, none of us would go on a luxury holiday on his own or buy a new car without telling the other one! Kids come first, if there's some leftover, adults are free to buy whatever they want.

It might not work with some couples with different spending habits, but it works for us.

No DCs and not married but we both have personal current and savings accounts and a joint current and joint savings account. Most of our salary goes into the joint with a bit kept back each to spend or save as we want. Dp earns more so puts more in than me (and keeps more) but as a proportion of salary it's the same.

However we're both very flexible and he'll treat us (eg he'll spend considerably more on a holiday that I personally couldn't afford) and I'll treat us (smaller things but meals out, massages/treatments/odd things to make him smile) and generally the current accounts are used interchangeably. Basically if there's a big purchase either of us wants it'll come from our personal savings, day to day expenses including meals out and drinks unless one of us is feeling generous will come from joint, and small personal things (eg my make up or either of us seeing friends) generally comes from personal current. Sometimes if one of us is running low and the joint account is flush we'll just say to the other 'use the JA'. Anything left at the end of the month goes into a joint savings pot. No one keeps track because neither of us takes the piss.

We've been together for 4.5 years and set up the joint account when we moved in together. We've never had an issue.

We have a joint account but he also Direct debits amounts into my personal account too.i can’t remember why

If money is so tight why are you paying out for childcare when you are not working?
How much effort have you actually made at getting a job because unless you are in the middle of nowhere most retail chains have been hiring whoever they can as Xmas temps?

One joint account - everything into it and everything out. We are married with two children. At the moment I earn slightly more than him, when we got married I earned significantly more but that was because he’d moved halfway across the world to follow my job opportunity! It’s looking like next year he may get promoted in which case he’ll be earning more than me. When we were discussing this he said ‘so that would mean you could go to 80% if you wanted to as my pay increase would make up for it’ as I’ve been thinking about going part time - that’s the way finances work here, it’s a family income not one persons or the others. We are lucky that we have similar incomes, not multiples of each other’s and enough money that there’s no resentment if he buys a coffee and a muffin at work each morning and I get my nails done from time to time. I can see why you’d have a personal spending account each if you had to be really careful with this to ensure it was fair but I honestly think the only fair way when you choose to have children together is to pool the bulk of the money and use that for the household then decide between yourselves whether you get equal personal spending money or personal spending money according to your income and allocate yourselves that each.

We don't have joint accounts. I'm the higher earner (just). We pay 50/50 for bills and keep what's left for ourselves. DH has a bit less but still has plenty. I don't feel any need to give him a little bit of my money so we are exactly equal. If he's struggling I help him out or pay extra towards bills. We are still a team regardless.

We have a joint account for bills and personal accounts for personal things!

It sounds like your issue is more a question of you and your husband needing to sit down and work out your finances and how much money you actually have left after essential bills, food etc.

Also, why are you paying for childcare if you are not working??!

We have a separate accounts + one joined account for bills + separate savings accounts. We transfer set amount every month to bills account and that will cover grocery shopping, petrol and all the bills. We try to stick to the amount stored there, but if we go over, one of us will transfer some extra cash.

I am a saver, when he and money just do not play nicely together. I wanted to have separate accounts as I need to control amount of money that comes in an out, and I know if I was seeing his spending I would change into a proper hag. Also I know myself and if we only had join account, I would feel guilty spending anything on myself.

Fair play to him, he spends more on outings for whole family. I will save more and then cover bigger expenses (like re-doing garden etc, when appliance dies etc). He will buy tools for house, I will buy dc clothes etc.

In your situation I do not think you are being unreasonable. You have one salary coming in, and you need to be able to see how much money you have to be able to budget. Asking every time for money is uncomfortable at least and you should not have to do it.

@Whowouldathunkit I have a joint account with my husband and it works well. We share all we have. All bills come out of it and we spend what we like. Out of courtesy, or in the course of conversation, we might mention if we intended to spend a huge amount, however we are both free to buy what we want. I think the key is that neither of us has ever been in any debt, we trust each other completely and we'd never do anything to threaten our family's security. We are partners.

Separate accounts works for us.
He earns far more than me so just pays for most things. We've never sat down and discussed it, never needed to.
As I have a much easier life than dh, it wouldn't sit right with me to pay for eg my lunches out with friends out of a joint account which basically only he puts in to.

We have a joint account, and both our wages get paid into it. We transfer an amount out of that each month into a separate (also joint) account to cover bills, and set aside an amount to cover any projected discretionary spends (eg if dh needs a new suit, or the kids are likely to need shoes, or I've got a haircut booked). And transfer some to savings. We also have a personal account each, and transfer an amount into each of our personal accounts each month - the amount varies based on that months spends, but we each get the same amount, and this is money which we can spend freely on whatever we want, without needing to justify or let the other know about it.

What's left in the main joint account is basically food and petrol money which we both have easy access to. If it's running low before the end of the month then we discuss it and pull back on spending, or transfer some from savings (normally a combination of both).

We've had this set up through two maternity leaves, so while we've both been earning, and while we're on one income. We find it helps us to see all money as household money - we're not aware month on month who has earned more, it's just the case that as a household we have £x that month and working out how we will manage.

I dont know that a shared account would help you here. He seems to resent giving you money- so whilst you wouldn't have to ask him for cash he would still have oversight of your transactions- and be able to question you on what you are spending.
As yourself if you want him having visibility of everytime you spend?

Dh sole earner from Feb. I'm on mat leave til then. 2 joint accounts.

Acc1 for all bills out. House and personal.

Acc2 for food, petrol and spending. We both have access to it all. My dh has our savings in a personal account but only because we haven't set up a joint isa yet.

I felt the same with regards to asking for money- humiliated!