AIBU to want a shared account?

[Londonmamabychance]

Currently I'm out of work (actively been looking for 4 month a but no luck yet) and we are relying on only DH's income. Up until now we have had separate accounts, as we both had income. Since having kids and I went part time and during two maternity leaves, my income was less than his, and he paid rent, most bills and most groceries, while I covered child care (which was a lot ) and phone bills, and bought most of the children's clothes, gifts and travel expenses etc. Money wasn't a problem between us, as he was always quite generous and if I was ever in the black all I had to do was ask and he'd transfer me some money. Also paid when we went out. We have two kids 2 and 4 years old.
Now, however, I have had no income at all for the last 6 months, after I quit my job for a relocation. He got a job 3 months ago, but I'm still looking, meanwhile doing all child drops offs and pick ups and majority of housework and all other childcare. I've asked him to transfer me some money a few times to pay kids childcare, phonebills, groceries and things for the children and now Christmas presents. I thought I had more left in my account than I did and aksed him for a smaller amount than I needed, then had to ask him again three days later. He got upsets and questioned what I had spend the money on. I explained, but he was still annoyed. I think mainly cos we are a bit tight now. I feel humiliated having to ask him for money and justify each time what I need it for. So I suggested we get either a shared account he can transfer money into, and thus be aware what money is spend on, or just get me a card for his account. This way he would always know what I spend, and I would only use it for bills and stuff for kids and us all. For clothes or treats for myself I'd use the little bit I have left in my own account. Can I ask what's your various set ups re. Sharing money - if you're both working (which I hope I will be soon again) or if one is the sole breadwinner?

We’ve had a joint account ever since we first moved in together. Initially we just transferred enough to cover joint bills (rent, utilities, groceries, etc) but after having the kids all money goes into the joint account and we no longer have individual accounts. We’ve had periods of me not working, him not working, both earning similar amounts and earning very different amounts. It’s all just family money.

I hate a joint account, i wouldnt want to see what my OH buys or vice versa, no sinister reason. fortunately we are able to maturely pay for things in equal measure, and during certains periods less than equal, but swings in roundabouts.

Joint account all the way with a bank card so you can withdraw money whenever you want. You have as much right and access to the family money as he has, who ever earns it.

We do exactly the same as @Poodles1980 and others. All in one pot. Same spends out. If one of us wants a bigger thing and needs more we discuss it. I would hate to do it differently.

I don’t get people who don’t have joint accounts. We
Both get paid into one account and all our expenses come out of it. We both take an equal allowance out of it to go into our own accounts

I get that even less! We had a joint account when we moved overseas, we both had salaries paid into it and both spent whatever we wanted from it, we didn't need to transfer into our own bank accounts first.

When we moved back, I tried to get my current account (which I had had for 20 years so before we met) made into a joint one but the bank made it too complicated, so DH opened his own.

I wonder if the different styles of organising money, is to do with quantity of money you have.
If you walk a tight line with incoming and outgoing finances, then the need for joint accounts/transferring equal amounts etc is far higher than if you're finances are such that you have more coming in than going out, so you don't really need to think about being exactly equal and who pays for what.

@Alfie190 we only started to have our own 'allowance' to hide birthday pressie buying really. But it works.

OP I’m with you. DH and I have our salaries paid into a joint account then equal ‘allowances’ into our own accounts for personal spending. I feel this suits us and is consistent with financial equality regardless of what we each earn. I like the traditional notion of all income being a joint asset.

I completely disagree with pp:
"2. A joint account, one where all money is deposited and spent from, just doesn't work in the real world. It forces both partners to constantly check with the other before spending any money. Otherwise the account would be drained from both spending without checking what the other was withdrawing. You would end up discussing money down to the last penny EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. "

That's not true. Depends what kind of person you are.
You are speculating and presumptuous.

Dh and I have had a joint account since the beginning.
We don't deal with money the way you describe.

His goes in. My part time salary goes in. I don't ask him if I can spend anything. Ever. That's because he and I are both sensible people.

and if I want to buy something very expensive, over £100 or a few hundred I will.
and on the rare occasion I need to check with him, I would, but I go for weeks without discussing my spending with him.

and you are describing something that is totally different to the way that he and I behave with money.

@CarlGrimesMissingEye

Same - we take money out for our own accounts just so that we can buy each other stuff/presents without it being seen on the joint account.

Fact is if your OH has issues with "giving" you money a joint account wont solve this, yes you wont have to ask but he will quiz you on what you spend- its a mentality

We have always had a joint account. We discuss big purchases and both have a good sense of how much small discretionary spending can happen.

We have our own accounts and a joint account. We put a set amount each month from our seperate accounts in the joint account which covers all bills and mortgage and food etc.

Tbh if you don't want to ask for money make aure you earn your own. Hope you fjnd a new job soon.

Thanks for all the advice! V helpful. Think whoever said it's about mentality and not so much about practical matters is right. My DH may have an issue w my spending even if he can see exactly what I spend on. Sigh. I really need to get a job. On it! interesting to hear so many different perspectives on the matter, and how joined accounts work well for many people. May also be about level of income.