DH thinks I'm a taxi!

[alliejay81]

Genuinely can't decide whether I'm being unreasonable or not!

DH often works away from work. Last Sunday he left our house at 9am in the morning to paint his mum's house and go to the football. After football he had tea with his mum and drove straight to way he was working this week. All fine so far, his mum needed his help and it didn't make sense to come home. He'll come home tonight after 6 days away.

Two of DH's friends are staying over tomorrow night and they are all going out in the evening. DH also wants to go out at lunchtime with different friends to watch the football. Inconvenient after a week away, but still fine.

Meanwhile, we've just moved house so I've spent both my non-working days finishing sorting the house so it is ready for his friends to stay. I've done all the childcare and worked long hours on my working days (didn't finish til 10:30pm last night). Again, this is fine.

But, now my DH wants me to:

1. drive him to the pub at lunchtime
2. pick him up after the football
3. pick one of his friends up from the train station
4. drive him and his friends to their night out
5. drive his friend back to station at about 10am on Sunday morning

With the house move, the working away and the long hours, there's very little fun in my life at the moment. I don't really want to spend Saturday driving around for hours to facilitate other people's fun. It stops me from being able to do anything else. AIBU? I don't mind doing some, which ones can I refuse?????

Suggest he starts using uber?

What an inconsiderate twat.

So he can help his mum, but not his wife?

YABU for even asking.

Our home phone has the local taxi on speed dial. It works for DH, all his friends and his family.

If your DH can afford the time and money for a social life he can afford the time and money to manage the logistics without your assistance.

Oh and when exactly is he prioritising you and his DC while you run around him like a headless chicken even when he isn't there?

He's being a bit of a CF, but if he's generally helpful to you in similar circumstances and not always taking the piss like this, then I would suggest:

1. drive him to the pub at lunchtime
   Nope. Public transport. I might be prepared to do it as a one-off if no public transport available. I would offer either 1 or 2, not both.

2. pick him up after the football
   Depends on the distances/public transport options. But I might be prepared to do this, not as well as 1 though.

3. pick one of his friends up from the train station
   Yes, assuming DH has been drinking earlier in the day so can't do it himself.

4. drive him and his friends to their night out
   No. There's enough of them to share a taxi.

5. drive his friend back to station at about 10am on Sunday morning
   No. He can do it himself. If he drinks so much that he still can't drive by 10am then that's his problem.

If you (gently) pointed out that he was being a twat, would he change/cancel his plans? Or would he be angry with you?
My husband has form for being thoughtless and just assuming that I don't mind about having all the work dumped on me. However, when this is pointed out to him, he does see my point and stops doing it.

I don't think this is a LTB offence, but it does need addressing because it won't get any better otherwise. In fact it's pretty much guaranteed to get worse and you can look forward to a lifetime of "Oh, it's fine, alliejay81 won't mind!"

I'd tell him in no uncertain terms that he's taking the piss. Where the fuck is your weekend? And what about your children? I assume they will be stuck in the car with you. And I'd be asking when he plans on prioritising his children at all this weekend, since he's been away. He doesn't seem to be too keen on doing any parenting or helping with the house move.

Him and his friends can get taxis. I'd make the selfish cunt sleep on the sofa.

1. drive him to the pub at lunchtime
2. pick him up after the football
3. pick one of his friends up from the train station
4. drive him and his friends to their night out
5. drive his friend back to station at about 10am on Sunday morning

DH would do all of this for me. I would do

1. drive him to the pub but not 2) pick him up after football because they'll all be pissed an annoying in the car so taxi for them.
2. pick up from station yes but not 4) as they could share a taxi or 5) as dh could do that.

This doesn't answer your question but I'd be booking an overnight shopping trip or whatever and telling him (well in advance) that you won't be there. Can he please do X, and Y and Z....

I guess it boils down to whether he'd do it for you...my DH is v generous in that respect and often gives me lifts so I would probably return the favour. The only one I wouldn't do is drive to the football as it will be really busy - perhaps they could all get an uber for that one.

If you are happy to do the one lift on Sunday morning, then just do that. The rest I'd tell him to jog on. Tell him what your week has been like while he has been away having his evenings to himself while you were working/childminding/unpacking & getting the house ready for his friends. Why should you and your DC spend the whole of Saturday playing taxi for Daddy and his friends, effectively putting his wishes above yours and your DC. Just say NO!

If I was in your situation, I'd probably agree to pick up his friend from the station and drop them off on the Sunday.

If I was having a weekend like your DH has planned, those are the only two I'd be comfortable actually asking my DH to help out with.

Surely a decent man would understand, without being told, that being away with work for a week, having already spent a whole day helping out his mum, leaves his wife exhausted and in need of a good break and rest? So therefore would NOT be making the sort of plans he has made. And would also be either rearranging visits if possible, if not possible would be very apologetic and bending over backwards to ensure that his wife is not put to more trouble to accommodate a visit of his friends, and certainly wouldn't be making additional plans to see other friends at the only other bit of free time that's left.

I would tell him to driver to football, then pick up his mate, then I would probably drop them to night out. Sunday morning, leave DC with hungover DH as a punishment then spend the rest of the day shopping/seeing your own friends 😀
I get the feeling he isn't like this ever weekend, it's just come at a bad time with the house/working away. If it is a one off I really wouldn't LTB 😂😂

Having had a further text conversation I don't think he was expecting me to do all them in the first place, his original text was just VERY, VERY badly worded!!

I agreed to do the first two trips, as I would normally do these but not the others. Tbf he still thought he was getting a good deal and probably wouldn't have minded if I'd refused all of them which is a lesson learnt for me...

All in all I probably don't need to LTB!!

Make sure he realises that he owes you several massive favours what with taxis and unpacking and having his mates to stay.
I think the next few weekends, he's on full time Dad duties

All in all I probably don't need to LTB!!

Well maybe not, but he’s still taking the piss in my view. Helping his mum paint - surely not urgent(?), when you’ve just loved and have a kid PLUS she’s been away for 6 days. That wouldn’t go down well with me at all, as the timing was just rotten. Then the friend weekend after again just not helping you at all or seeing his child. Doesn’t sound like a very thoughtful husband or father. I’d be furious, with or without an expectation of lifts!

**moved
Not bloody loved 🤦‍♀️

It all depends on whether he does the same for you. If he's good about running you and picking up your friends then it's not unreasonable for him to ask. If he refuses to take you then a different story

"ha ha ha ha LOL are you joking? I've had a shitty week doing everything here. Use a taxi firm. Ir drive yourself and not drink."

He's still taking the piss, though. How much of his non work time has he spent unpacking from the move and looking after his DC? Bigger all, by the looks of it.

It all depends on whether he does the same for you. If he's good about running you and picking up your friends then it's not unreasonable for him to ask. If he refuses to take you then a different story
Not quite - more like if he’s good about taking the full childcare load while managing significant events like house moves and then puts his hand up to ferry you and your friends around for your social life. Because if he’s not doing any childcare and has taken a complete get out of jail free card ona house move he’d bloody well better jump to offer me a lift or two!