Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH thinks I'm a taxi!

71 replies

alliejay81 · 07/12/2018 10:33

Genuinely can't decide whether I'm being unreasonable or not!

DH often works away from work. Last Sunday he left our house at 9am in the morning to paint his mum's house and go to the football. After football he had tea with his mum and drove straight to way he was working this week. All fine so far, his mum needed his help and it didn't make sense to come home. He'll come home tonight after 6 days away.

Two of DH's friends are staying over tomorrow night and they are all going out in the evening. DH also wants to go out at lunchtime with different friends to watch the football. Inconvenient after a week away, but still fine.

Meanwhile, we've just moved house so I've spent both my non-working days finishing sorting the house so it is ready for his friends to stay. I've done all the childcare and worked long hours on my working days (didn't finish til 10:30pm last night). Again, this is fine.

But, now my DH wants me to:

  1. drive him to the pub at lunchtime
  2. pick him up after the football
  3. pick one of his friends up from the train station
  4. drive him and his friends to their night out
  5. drive his friend back to station at about 10am on Sunday morning

With the house move, the working away and the long hours, there's very little fun in my life at the moment. I don't really want to spend Saturday driving around for hours to facilitate other people's fun. It stops me from being able to do anything else. AIBU? I don't mind doing some, which ones can I refuse?????

OP posts:
Original poster
alliejay81 · 07/12/2018 11:18

@shearwater

Funnily enough taking his mate back to the station is the one I'm most willing to do. I definitely won't be over the limit and DH might be.

It is only a one off which was planned before he knew he'd be away. He probably would do it for me, but I just don't want to wreck my whole Saturday. It isn't that bad for me but it's even more of a pain for me DC.

OP posts:
Original poster
alliejay81 · 07/12/2018 11:19

@Tinty I only have one DC so we could all fit in. Bit rubbish for the DC though, which is one of my main objections!

OP posts:
BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 07/12/2018 11:20

You have children /child so you have to bring them along too on every 'lift'

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 07/12/2018 11:22

I'd do them all except the trip to the train station the next morning; providing that he'd do the same for me and this wasn't a regular occurrence.

But I would encourage him to find his own way after the footie and out for the evening; so you can do something with a big part of the day. That's more than reasonable.

Rudgie47 · 07/12/2018 11:24

I cant see the point of being married to him, hes living the life of a single man.
Regarding all those lifts I'd just tell him to get taxis. Also theres broader issues of the fact that hes not spending much time with you his wife and his kids. I think hes taking the piss.

viques · 07/12/2018 11:25

I think you tell him that there is a large glass of wine with your name on it that will be very upset if you don't stick to your Saturday night date, but luckily you have found several cards from local cab firms pushed through the letterbox.

Wine " I belong to Allie"

Micke · 07/12/2018 11:25

1 could be combined with you all eating out at the pub for lunch (if it's the kind of pub where that can work and you'd enjoy it)

The rest surely he can manage, and you might do one if you were feeling generous...

especially since you've also been the one sorting it out so his friends can stay.

I think I'd be having a word after this about responsibilities and how this is going to work in future.

shearwater · 07/12/2018 11:26

Oh with DC I probably wouldn't do any of them, or maybe just take them to their night out and not do the rest.

DarlingNikita · 07/12/2018 11:26

They can jog on. They sound like a bunch of teenagers relying on Mum's taxi. Point him in the direction of a good minicab firm.

beachysandy81 · 07/12/2018 11:28

Why don't you plan what you would like to do with your son and then do what you can do around that. It is unfair for your day to be dictated to by him when him and his friends can walk/ get bus or taxis.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 07/12/2018 11:28

Get access to your DH's phone.
Download the MyTaxi app onto it
Job done.

Relax a home with a glass of whatever you fancy and don't be available to drive anywhere!

Tyke2 · 07/12/2018 11:29

I would have thought that after a week away he would be spending the time with you and DC. Not "playing out" all weekend. You need to dump him ASAP.

KingLooieCatz · 07/12/2018 11:31

He must be so disappointed to have missed out on all the unpacking and sorting out that had to be done.

How unfortunate that these rare opportunities to socialize have occurred just when all the hard work needs to be done.

How awful for him.

ChristmasRaven · 07/12/2018 11:33

Uh no, he's taking the piss. Where do you and the DC actually fit into his list of priorities? Does he not realise a house move creates work? Work that needs to be done before "play time". Far from BU I think you are way too accommodating.

HollowTalk · 07/12/2018 11:34

He's absolutely taking the piss. And you've just moved house and you're the one doing all the work! That's not on. Why's he painting his mum's house, too, when you've just moved house?

When is he going to see his child?

Sewrainbow · 07/12/2018 11:36

The friend can get his own taxi surely, why should it be you? Dh shouldn't arrange for you to ferry his friends around Shock

I'd maybe offer one other of the lifts but it really isn't on if it disrupts dc's day. Doesn't he want to see his dc after being away all week?

UnicornSlaughters · 07/12/2018 11:36

Wake up and smell the piss OP, it stinks to high heaven! He's being incredibly cheeky.

timeisnotaline · 07/12/2018 11:37

There is no way my husband would have been able to book that with house moving to do. I’d tell him I’d do exactly as many minutes driving so he could go have fun as he’d spent doing childcare, housework , unpacking and prepping for my friends to come over in the past week. I’d expect him to shamefacedly agree it was taking the piss and commit to a few household jobs and some serious parenting time to facilitate my having some downtime very soon.

StoppinBy · 07/12/2018 11:37

If he would return the favour then yes, why not if it's a one off kind of thing and you don't already have plans. Then you can cash in on what he owes you at a time that suits you.

I know that you're not getting anything out of it but it's nice sometimes to make our partners happy just for the sake of it if they are the type to do the same for us in return.

Sausagerollers · 07/12/2018 11:38

He's been away with work and helping his mum and rather than come home and spend some quality time with his DC, he wants to see his mates and have you running around after them all so yours and the DC weekend are a series of car journeys?
What are you getting out of your relationship with this man? He sounds like a terrible father and a crap partner.

timeisnotaline · 07/12/2018 11:38

I did end up doing all the find a house (renting) and move in stuff a few years ago while dh took the piss. The next time we moved I refused to get involved in the searching etc except where I wanted to. Dh owed me a house move.

StoppinBy · 07/12/2018 11:40

Sorry I missed the part where you said you had children (it's very late here and an unsettled night last night from Mr 18 mnth old has left me a little tired so clearly my reading skills are a bit lacking sorry). He is asking a bit too much if you have kids as well. Do what you think you can and he/they can sort the rest.

EtVoilaBrexit · 07/12/2018 11:40

All of them.

Inviting his friends to stay over JUST after you had moved and when he knew he wouldn’t be there to help unpacking etc... was already not acceptable.
He still managed to go and help his mum, go to football etc..l when clearly none of the unpacking was finished. Where are his priorities???

Seriously, I would tell him that you are not a axi company and won’t be able to give lifts.
I would also tell him to organise himself and his friends. He invite them, he Deals with it.
And finally, I would demand he spends the next weekend at home putting the house right (I’m sure you won’t have finished by them will you? I mean no way you will find time to sort things out etc.. next week)

Atm he is treating you like his maid :(

EtVoilaBrexit · 07/12/2018 11:42

I know that you're not getting anything out of it but it's nice sometimes to make our partners happy just for the sake of it if they are the type to do the same for us in return.

I am not thinking that sort of behaviour only applies if you are living with a nice guy that doesn’t take you for granted.
The Op’s DH is taking her for granted and more. There is nothing in her posts that shows he is actually doing anything to support her running the house. I mean inivitying people just after a move when you haven’t done ANY of the unpacking doesn’t show a great deal of respect towards the OP.

Quartz2208 · 07/12/2018 11:44

None of this is fine OP = this speaks volumes

With the house move, the working away and the long hours, there's very little fun in my life at the moment.

Ok so its a shame he had to go away around helping his mum and his weekend with friends but it comes across that your needs are the bottom of the pile. You are merely there to help facilitate him

Which should you refuse - 1, 2 and 4 tell him he wants to

Also frankly he should not be watching football at lunchtime - he has not seen his wife or daughter, he has friends coming around that evening he needs to prioritise them. If so he could easily do 3 - he doesnt want to because he cant drink then.

He isnt a child who needs enabling or indeed given lifts everywhere. Also I have realised he is expecting his child to go everywhere as well in car just for his convenience

OP he comes across as a piss taking selfish twat who hasnt learnt the universe does not revolve around him

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.