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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask people not to joke about alcoholism?

65 replies

Dollymouse · 07/12/2018 10:16

Staff 'do'last night and I am a no-drinker and have been for some years because I am an alcoholic. This is not public knowledge at work - my boss knows because I told him, but otherwise we tend to stay anonymous. But sometimes it drives me mad when people make jokes about alcoholism! When they are drinking a lot - "I am not an alcoholic or anything" or worse when they gather around a table and jokingly introduce themselves as if in an AA meeting. I mean you would not joke about any other form of mental illness - would you? Or am I being oversensitive? It doesn't REALLY bother me - I mean - they don't know so they just think its banter - but actually its really backward isn't it?

I've had friends who have gone out and drunk and have died - alcoholism really is no joke and I've had friends who have taken their own life - its a shitty mental condition that is only relieved by drinking or recovery. I am pleased to say I choose the latter.

OP posts:

fanfan18 · 07/12/2018 10:23

I feel exactly the same. It's even worse now it's christmas. I was trying to buy some stocking fillers yesterday and there are so many bits and pieces with "Time for Prosecco" clocks, or signs or "it's always wine o'clock".

i have massive issues with alcohol and I hate how these make out it's all a big joke.

Can you imagine if drugs were legal and there were little plaques in the kitchen "Snort o'clock" "Always ready for a line". Alcohol kills so many people and we all just seem to laugh and joke about being alcoholics. I hate it.

TheChickenOfTruth · 07/12/2018 10:25

People do make casual jokes about other mental illnesses every day - "she's a bit bipolar/schizo", "I'm a bit OCD", "what a psycho" etc. So in that way you're being a bit oversensitive if you've really never noticed it before, but that doesn't make it right.

For what it's worth, if it really bothers me, I usually just calmly but firmly say "OCD (or whatever the illness is people are joking about) destroys lives - it's not something I find particularly funny." Usually people stop then.

notsohippychick · 07/12/2018 10:28

I find all the jokes about drinking too much in bad taste. Drinking excessive amounts isn’t funny and nothing to be glib about. Like you, I’m have an issue with booze but only 8 months into my alcohol free life.

Alcohol is a shitty drug. It wrecks people and others around them. So no you are not being unreasonable.

notsohippychick · 07/12/2018 10:29

fan YES! Exactly. It’s a drug! In fact one of the most addictive. But it happens to be legal.........!!!

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 07/12/2018 10:32

I mean you would not joke about any other form of mental illness - would you?

People make jokes about mental illness all the time - OCD is one that gets used often, for example.

I also think it’s unfair to call it a mental illness and put it in the same category; nobody chooses to be anxious, have delusions or paranoia, but alcoholics choose to drink.

68Anon · 07/12/2018 10:35

It's a difficult one as the majority of people can control/limit the amount their drink so find jokes/banter of alcohol funny. Likewise, drinking (again, for the majority) doesn't mean they become addictive to it whereas taking cocaine etc easily leads to addiction.
I enjoy the odd glass of wine but on social occasions people nearly always try and persuade me to drink more. It's as if I can't be having fun or enjoying myself unless I drink lots. I find it annoying that so much emphasis is placed on alcohol at parties etc. as if everyone needs to drink to have fun.

Titsywoo · 07/12/2018 10:45

People make jokes all the time - they aren't literally making fun of an alcoholic are they? You can't tell people what they can and can't say I'm afraid. If you're offended that's your problem.

Original poster

Dollymouse · 07/12/2018 10:51

You are right WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue alcoholics do choose to drink - unfortunately once they start drinking they can't stop. The alcoholic has to abstain entirely as their is no such thing as one drink. Alcoholism usually includes depression, anxiety and paranoia and the illness does not stop when you put down the alcohol the mental side of the illness is progressive.

OP posts:

MyKingdomForBrie · 07/12/2018 10:56

I think people make jokes about absolutely anything. Part of the human experience. It's not funny per se but if you start placing limits on humour I'm not sure where you'd stop.

I'm not phrasing it very well but if we didn't laugh we'd cry, the amount of sadness in the world is just too overwhelming.

You're doing brilliantly staying sober in that kind of environment OP.

notsohippychick · 07/12/2018 11:04

68anon actually I disagree. Cocaine is not a physically addictive substance. You don’t get huge physical withdrawals from not having it. Also booze is widely available, legal and easily accessible. Hence why it’s the most addictive drug.

I have tried cocaine. Years and years ago but I wasn’t addicted to it. Alcohol was easy to become addicted to for me!

Duchessgummybuns · 07/12/2018 11:06

I’m worried about this at my staff Xmas party. It would be nice to hand my 1 month dry chip to the offender and tell them to go fuck themselves, but then I’ll be the one that’s out of order 🙄

SummerGems · 07/12/2018 11:07

Tbh I think all the “we shouldn’t ever joke about x/y etc because it will offend someone” has gone way too far.

Humour is a part of life and drinking is legal, and to suggest that alcoholism is a mental illness is pretty bloody offensive in itself.

Yes, alcohol destroys lives - the lives of the people close to the alcoholic, all something which the alcoholic has a choice in, so it’s not the alcohol that destroys lives it’s the alcoholic.

SummerGems · 07/12/2018 11:11

And tbh I think less of someone who takes offence at being asked why they don’t drink etc. If you’re happy with your choice not to drink then you wouldn’t be concerned about having to just say “because I just don’t drink” would you? And I speak as someone who is teetotal.

I think the idea of “needing” a drink at the end of the day a bit sad in itself, but it’s never entered into my thought process to be offended or feel uncomfortable at being asked why I don’t drink. You don’t owe people an explanation and if people judge you for not drinking it says far more about them than it does about you. And the reality is that most people have a longer term dimmer view of people who drink to excess than people who don’t drink at all.

fanfan18 · 07/12/2018 11:11

I also think it’s unfair to call it a mental illness and put it in the same category; nobody chooses to be anxious, have delusions or paranoia, but alcoholics choose to drink.

You're right it's not a mental illness, it's a disease.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 07/12/2018 11:13

Humans joke about everything in the world, including death. It's part of life, dealing with the world and, well, being normal.

IamSusan · 07/12/2018 11:14

People do make casual jokes about other mental illnesses every day

not necessarily right, but oh so true.

trancepants · 07/12/2018 11:20

You have no idea what everyone else has been through with regards alcoholism either. Someone else's drinking could have come close to ruining their lives and joking about it helps them deal with their own awful history.

DeadCertain · 07/12/2018 11:21

Agreed, people make jokes about everything every day, including many mental illnesses and physical disabilities, including some that affect me. I find a lot of it funny in a "if I didn't laugh I'd cry" way and also will admit to having a very dark sense of humour. Some comments hit home and feel a little close to the bone but if the person making the joke doesn't mean offence I'll ignore it or just politely set them right. I'll often joke about things that affect me myself anyway as it's how I deal with it - but am conscious that we are all different and that what doesn't offend me may well upset others so do choose my "audience" carefully and temper my humour when amongst people I do not know well.

superstarburst · 07/12/2018 11:23

Congratulations on your sobriety.
I think it's a bit tragic that Christmas work dos have to revolve around alcohol tbh. I reckon this'll change in the future as the younger generations don't drink as much.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 07/12/2018 11:26

OP, the availability of something does not make it 'the most addictive'. All it means is that addicts can get hold it easier and it's easy to turn to. That is NOT the same as being 'the most addictive'. I'm pretty sure heroin is considered the be the most addictive drug in the world as just one dose can lead to addiction. Most people drink alcohol for years with no problem, for alcoholics it becomes a problem at some point, but they don't generally drink alcohol once or twice and then crave it!

Btw, Cocaine is addictive - the brain craves the dopamine it provides as it shuts down the production of dopamine due to the steady release it gives will high.

crumble82 · 07/12/2018 11:27

People use humour to deal with things. Alcoholics wreck lives, why does everyone have to pussyfoot around them when they’ve no doubt spent years doing whatever they want.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 07/12/2018 11:29

*while.

Lucisky · 07/12/2018 11:32

I do agree with the poster who mentioned all the christmas tat available with gin and prosecco whimsy printed on it. Why? And why these two particular drinks? I have/had 2 alcoholic brothers, one many years dry, the other dead. All this allusion to alcohol does make me slightly uncomfortable. It's almost like it's encouraging and normalising getting pissed, and these must be aimed at a younger market too. I wouldn't exhort my 90 year old aunt to knock back the prosecco anyway.
Besides, in my opinion, both gin and prosecco are disgusting. I am just thankful that our family alcoholic gene has passed me by.

fanfan18 · 07/12/2018 11:32

People use humour to deal with things. Alcoholics wreck lives, why does everyone have to pussyfoot around them when they’ve no doubt spent years doing whatever they want.

Oh fuck off.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 07/12/2018 11:40

Lucisky I agree that the whole 'fashionable/trend/fad', whatever you want to call it, drinks thing is bloody stupid and quite pathetic. Everyone seems to be a gin or prosecco lover know, because its 'fashionable'

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