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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a new barrister because he touched me

81 replies

Crookedcolours · 06/12/2018 23:30

Lots of context which I don't want to go into but basically on top of a very distressing court hearing (ptsd, discussing serious sexual offences) my male barrister touched my back as we were walking out of court for a few seconds.

Aibu to ask for a new barrister because of this and generally making me feel intimidated and unprotected in court (having unnecessary chats with my ex) pressuring me to drop allegations etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Crookedcolours · 06/12/2018 23:57

@NeverTwerkNaked

I've asked for special measures for Monday and raised my concerns. Is it too late to ask for a new female barrister?

I'm trying to get a support advocate too because having a panic attack in a court full of men being told about 'regrettable' actions and patronised about counselling and respect is extremely distressing

OP posts:
NoCanoe · 06/12/2018 23:58

Just saw your last post.
It's the judge who decides on screens. It's the CPS who make the application.
Nothing to do with your barrister.

Prefer · 06/12/2018 23:58

I feel for you OP and YANBU. You’ve clearly been through a lot. I hope the court outcome goes in your favor Flowers

Original poster
Crookedcolours · 07/12/2018 00:00

It's family court and I'm the respondent

OP posts:
Bouchie · 07/12/2018 00:01

I work with people who have been sexually assaulted and never touch them its completely unprofessional.
And as for chatting with your ex. That is wrong. I would change.

springydaff · 07/12/2018 00:02

I'm so sorry you've had such a terrible experience op Flowers

I don't think YABU. Make it clear to the court the barrister's behaviour was entirely inappropriate in every way in the circumstances. Have you talked to Womens Aid? Your local office here. They will help and guide you. xx

HestiaParthenos · 07/12/2018 00:02

YANBU.

Get a new barrister. Preferrably a female one, just to be on the safe side.

I can't believe there's so many weird people here who think this man has a right to touch you unasked.
Confused

Original poster
Crookedcolours · 07/12/2018 00:02

Thank you prefer

It's the family court, my temporary barrister before has managed to get me screens by asking the court in advance

I'm not putting up with it

My ex was able to walk right behind me and get very close when we entered the court and was able to stare at me while we had to wait in a near empty room for 10 minutes before the judge entered. I don't feel safe

It's been put to Monday and I believe in one of the smaller rooms which before another judge has said wouldn't be appropriate

OP posts:
NoCanoe · 07/12/2018 00:03

I've overlapped again.
Sorry......
If special measures not granted before, they unlikely to be now. But no harm in an application being made on the day on basis of your distress to date.

It sounds like you in middle of a trial. Too late to change barristers. But please, just write a note to your solicitor saying you do not want to be touched.

Original poster
Crookedcolours · 07/12/2018 00:03

Thank you for the kind replies Thanks I just hope there's enough time

OP posts:
Original poster
Crookedcolours · 07/12/2018 00:04

Canoe during this family court process which has been 18 months ive had about 5 different barristers but this current one seems to have stuck

OP posts:
NoCanoe · 07/12/2018 00:05

Oh ffs. I'm giving up! Im 2 steps behind at every post!
Sorry, OP.

NoCanoe · 07/12/2018 00:09

If you can, get in touch with solicitor and say lost confidence in barrister.

But be aware it may lengthen proceedings.

BoomBoomsCousin · 07/12/2018 00:10

YANBU to be concerned at all. He sounds completely oblivious to your experience in the courtroom and possibly is acting without your best interests at heart (due to the pally conversations, though without knowing the content, that's only speculation).

However, you need to think about the impact of trying to do so at this point. If you are in the middle of proceedings how might it impact your case and your potential for a good outcome? If it might hinder your success in court could you consider addressing the issues with him directly, perhaps with a friend or advocate with you? Tell him you expect him to stop the pally conversations and that touching you in a familiar way is totally inappropriate. You're paying him quite a lot of money to represent you and while his expertise is important to you, that does not mean you have to put up with behaviour which makes you uncomfortable or which puts you at a disadvantage with your ex.

NoCanoe · 07/12/2018 00:10

Do you trust your solicitor to have an honest chat?

Original poster
Crookedcolours · 07/12/2018 00:15

I don't have a rapport with my solicitor I have legal aid.

My barrister is a huge older man and was very unsympathetic with me after my panic attack, he basically tried to unravel the validity of my rape in an insensitive way, im not having it. He's not representing me or listening to my concerns.

I've always coped ok with court before and have been doing well with my ptsd but I can feel it now I've been retraumatised as my counsellor says just from all that and the hearings not even started yet

I keep getting distressing memories of it all and my anxiety for the next one is now through the roof.

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adoggymum · 07/12/2018 00:15

He touched you- for a tiny amount of time- on your back and you're considering getting a new barrister... are you crazy?

He was probably doing it as a gesture to calm you. Don't be ridiculous and put the poor man in an awkward situation as they will most likely want to know why you're firing him basically.

OwThatsGottaHurt · 07/12/2018 00:15

Crooked - if you don't feel comfortable then I'd speak with your solicitor to ask how to change and the reasons why. It sounds like a hugely difficult situation so whatever support you want you should ask for. Sending you lots of courage and support and unMNy hugs ThanksBrewCake

Girlfrommars77 · 07/12/2018 00:15

So sorry you’ve been upset OP. To a bystander it sounds trivial but I can see that to you it does not. I suspect the barrister was acting thoughtlessly rather than maliciously. Do you feel he has represented you well in court? Can you speak to your solicitor about this?

Original poster
Crookedcolours · 07/12/2018 00:16

I don't feel able to tell my barrister I'm not happy I have sent a strongly worded email to my solicitor with my concerns and wishes but he only has tomorrow to reply and I'm at work so I'm scared the day will slip away he won't contact me and it'll be out of my control

OP posts:
Girlfrommars77 · 07/12/2018 00:16

Sorry, cross post

Original poster
Crookedcolours · 07/12/2018 00:16

It's a hugely important hearing it needs to be done in an appropriate way I'm now scared it will be in a tiny room with no screens or protection with a barrister I have no confidence in

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Lizzie48 · 07/12/2018 00:18

YANBU about the touching. I have PTSD as a survivor of childhood SA. I can't cope with any unsolicited touching, so that would have freaked me out. Any barrister who has experience in representing clients who have PTSD due to abuse surely should understand this.

There's no reason for touching in this context, ever.

Original poster
Crookedcolours · 07/12/2018 00:18

He's not representing me well no, because I now know he thinks it's wrong for me to pursue the two main allegations and thinks they can be unravelled but I'm sorry

Those things happened. They're relevant. Why should I be silenced

OP posts:
Original poster
Crookedcolours · 07/12/2018 00:20

He ignored me while I was having a panic attack and did not speak up or challenge the judge so yes it's probably my anxiety but I felt like I was being ganged up on.

I'm going to contact my local victim support tomorrow, they told me they can help me get special measures

OP posts:
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