To give up?

[foggydown]

Hello I have only been a member a few months and its my first time as a OP.
This may be triggering but I need to vent and have honest opinions.
I have a beautiful toddler and am ready to have another child with DP.
But I've found out I won't be able to have another child without IVF.
Both me and partner really want another baby but I'm afraid that IVF child may have problems/illness in life and I may start having health problems from IVF that means I won't be in as good as a position to look after my child who is already here. I really wanted more children but I am so afraid of making my child's life harder than it needs to be for selfish reasons. Any advice from those in the know??

Bumping you, seems like you need advice x

Why would you imagine the child would have problems or illnesses? No more likely than any other child.

As for your health I haven't been through IVF myself but whilst I understand it can be exhausting/draining at the time I don't think it will damage your health.

It's a decision that only you can make once you have gathered all the information you can, I'd suggest going to your dr to discuss the process/implications.

I'm afraid that IVF child may have problems/illness in life and I may start having health problems from IVF that means I won't be in as good as a position to look after my child who is already here

Why?

I am no expert but don’t they look at the eggs . I would of thought less chance

Is this a thing? I wasn't aware there were any significant risks from IVF?
Hope you get the answers you need OP. Watching with interest.

If there were significant risks, it would have been widely reported by now.

The only thing I've heard along these lines was in a documentary from the eighties, with various people worrying and fretting anout “long term consequences”.

I'd like to answer some posters questions mostly about why I'm afraid of health complications; I've seen scary headlines with IVF children more likily to have childhood cancer, one third more likely to need psychiatric treatment and have heart problems. There are also a lot of unknowns as its relatively new. I think I want someone to say hears evidence saying IVF won't affect you or baby.

Well that makes sense OP. What are your sources if you don't mind me asking?

Anyone around with older children from successful IVF treatment? Thoughts?

I would have thought if it were significant it would have had a lot more coverage in news over the years.

I had IVF 3 years ago. The process wasn’t the nicest thing to go through but it worked first time and we now have a lovely 2 year old. She is incredibly healthy, has hit every milestone and loves life. The only research I could find about impact on health (or mother or baby) was a possible increased change of female cancers but it was a tiny tiny increase.

I've put links to different headlines as Ive only just started looking but I guess the shock maybe making me look for negatives? Thank you for all the replies so far.
<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-469864/IVF-children-twice-likely-suffer-poor-health.html&ved=2ahUKEwifyZWqv4nfAhUZRBUIHUBzChoQFjAAegQIBxAB&usg=AOvVaw1xt57m8-u6XRdSXTlYEdXk" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-469864/IVF-children-twice-likely-suffer-poor-health.html&ved=2ahUKEwifyZWqv4nfAhUZRBUIHUBzChoQFjAAegQIBxAB&usg=AOvVaw1xt57m8-u6XRdSXTlYEdXk

<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.mirror.co.uk/news/technology-science/science/children-born-using-ivf-could-7377480.amp&ved=2ahUKEwifyZWqv4nfAhUZRBUIHUBzChoQFjACegQIChAB&usg=AOvVaw0IK7-RquI-TbrCFHB2Oveq&ampcf=1" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.mirror.co.uk/news/technology-science/science/children-born-using-ivf-could-7377480.amp&ved=2ahUKEwifyZWqv4nfAhUZRBUIHUBzChoQFjACegQIChAB&usg=AOvVaw0IK7-RquI-TbrCFHB2Oveq&ampcf=1

Children born using IVF could face serious health problems later in life ...
www.mirror.co.uk › science

Children conceived through fertility treatment more likely to have mental ...
www.telegraph.co.uk › news › news

The only risks I saw ( our children are from IVF) was a small relative increase in the risk of minor birth defects, it's still a very small risk overall. But I just thought well who is perfect?
Our children are both healthy and happy. I don't think I've got any issues from the IVF. There are so many factors that influence our future health and different things offset each other. For eg breastfeeding reduces cancer risk, some hormones might increase it.
If you want another child and have the funds, go for it. I would say the potential cost would be the biggest factor putting me off if I wasn't sure.

Well this is interesting.
I had IVF and had no idea of any of these headlines.
If say you could conceive naturally though, would expect your baby to have 100% chance of never developing any illness ever.
I think the risks are there for everything. What I would say is that whilst it's emotionally quite draining, the process doesn't make you feel ill.
For me, I had to do daily injections for 3 weeks - not an issue.
Then I had maybe 4 scans over a 7 day period which was a bit awkward trying to get time off I guess.
my trigger shot the day before egg collection made me feel queasy so I left work early and was off the next day for egg collection (Friday). It was a bit uncomfortable and walking down steps hurt a bit but I was fine by Sunday.
Embryo transfer was the Wednesday, that took maybe 90 mins from home, there and back again. No biggie I felt fine.
Then I had to wait 2 weeks before taking a test and just felt normal. I guess I wouldn't be wanting to lift a toddler all the time during that fortnight but that's no reason not to go through with it.

It might help to read some positive articles in the medical press rather than the tabloids I think.

There are also a lot of unknowns as its relatively new.

Louise Brown aka “the first test tube baby” is FORTY years old.

I had IVF and my twins are now 11 and doing fine, no sign of cancer. I am also fine and had no major complications while pregnant or after. I've never seen any of these headlines probably the usual scaremongering to sell papers

Could any of you link me any positive studies? I'm trying to find as many as possible to ease my mind. As for relatively new, 41 years of successful IVF I would of thought is relatively new? And we can afford 3 IVF cycles from savings but looking online (I know Dr google) only 25-30% per cycle are successful and it rises to 45-53% at 3 cycles. If I stop being logical and be emotionally pessimistic for a minute, I really do want another baby but from experience of a lot of extreme bad luck from childhood I keep thinking I'm either going to go through all the emotional and financial problems of IVF with no baby or I will get my wish of another child but something will happen such as illness to change life forever. I love my existing child so much and I really don't want to mess up their life in any way. Sorry for ranting, I guess my longing for a baby is shadowed by my fear and I don't know which is stronger.

Why don't you link the bad news stories you've seen? Someone could probably reassure you quite quickly.

You could have a baby without IVF and still have problems. The vast majority of babies born through IVF are fine, just like natural conceptions.

The Daily Mail and the Mirror are jut reliable sources of scientific information.

I want someone to say hears evidence saying IVF won't affect you or baby.
That’s not possible op, scientific evidence can prove links do exist in a cause and effect way, but it’s impossible to prove something is safe.
What science can do is demonstrate the risk/ benefit ratio. So for example a drug used for pain will have side effects for a certain amount of those who use it, but because it will help relieve pain and therefor suffering the risk/ benefit ratio is seen as favourable.

You will have to weigh up in your mind what is worse for you. The idea of only having one child, or the worry of unwanted effects from ivf.

I've had ivf and have a perfectly healthy child. I am also healthy and as I am infertile I don't have to take daily hormones (e.g the pill) - a great upside (😳) so in my unscientific view I will have taken less synthetic hormones over my lifetime than most women. Don't know if that makes me healthier or not, just a thought.
With regards to child health problems, I have read that those children conceived via ivf are more likely to be risky pregnancies, births and more likely to have later health conditions (though still tiny) but this has been mainly linked to pre- maternal risks e.g. age of mother or parental pre existing medical conditions. Can't remember source but didn't put me off!

I have twins born through IVF.

They couldn’t be any more perfect if I’d written a design spec for them.

Healthy, happy, intelligent, talented resilient children.

I have friends whose children were naturally conceived who have asthma, deafness, sight issues, childhood cancer, brittle bone disease, epilepsy, spina bifida and diabetes.

There is no way to ensure a perfect healthy child. It’s the luck of the draw.

I had OHSS after IVF, but a mostly normal pregnancy followed by a C-section.

I had friends who conceived naturally who had pre-eclampsia, gestational diabetes, SPD, serious birth injuries etc.

There is no way to ensure a perfect pregnancy and Labour.

No one here can say “it will definitely be fine” but that’s not because of IVF, that’s just because having babies can be risky.

I’d advise you seek out some IVF counselling to talk through these issues.

Instead of believing random headlines, would it not be better to talk to an IVF expert? Which you could do privately since you say you have savings.

@Mummyshark2018 just a word of warning.
90% of my husbands sperm can't swim and I was told I couldn't conceive naturally because my eggs were too immature.
We haven't used contraception in six years.
Had a baby through IVF 18 months ago and now I'm pregnant again naturally. No idea how but just to say that the doctors aren't always right......

You’re taking scare stories from trashy tabloids! Do some proper research, speak to your doctor about the actual risks, and make an informed decision. But don’t base your decision on crap you read in the Mirror and the Daiky Fail!

OP did you and your OH conceive your child naturally?

Is your DP your toddlers father?