To think pasta (quick meal) should be ready in 20 mins max.

[intelligentPutty]

I'm feeling like such a fking bitch moaning about the incredible amount of time it is taking my dh to cook dinner.
At 6 he offered to cook the pasta. Which is my quick meal option for dd (put kettle on. Chop mushrooms. Cook pasta and fry mushrooms. Throw in some ham and Philadelphia. ) done in maximum 20 minutes.
Now 1hr and 15 minutes since offering it is almost done.
I wouldn't care but dd has to do to bed by 7:45. I've just given her desert first so that she has something. And avoids the puffing ice cream so close to bed

But seriously. This is really loading me off. Everything takes ages to cook. He buggers around. Sausages must be cooked slow and low (they take about 1.5 to 2 hours).
Shepherds pie needs another 1,5 hours in oven. Once it's all assembled.
Meal that should tak 30 mins take 2 hours.
I'm breastfeeding so letting him help out and it's unreasonable to moan as he has cooked dinner. He's amazing in that respect. But it takes soooo long.
There is no solution. I need to get back to cooking and then I won't be pissed about it! Just need to complain to someone / somewhere for sake of our marriage!!

YANBU. But I don't think it's "amazing" that a man is cooking for his family. It's not "helping out". It's a basic part of being an adult and he needs to start being quicker when cooking family meals!

AND

stop being grateful that he is feeding and looking after his own children and home. That’s the bare minimum parents should do.

AND

It's a parenting basic to feed your child at the appropriate time. He doesn't sound 'amazing' - he sounds like a dickhead. If you can manage to get your child fed, then so can he!

Agree with all these totally. Men need to learn that just helping out occasionally, and assuming he is doing his partner a 'favour' is not good enough. And doing a shit job to make sure he isn't asked or expected to do it again is plain nasty. Many men love to do this. Saves them having to help out.

Problem is, many women put up with too much shit, and men will keep on with this lacklustre behaviour if you allow it. About time we trained them to be better, and contribute more to helping with the family, and the chores!!! As long as women enable them, and infantilise them, they will continue to take the piss out of us!

I feel this. Plus the mess. He has to do each task in cooking separately so takes hours. DH also cannot wash up whilst cooking.
Even his washing up takes hours. It’s much easier to do it yourself.
He does have to do things like make all sandwiches, toast, cups of tea - as he can’t cause too many issues.

Aaaargh, DP does this unless he's threatened by me.

He wants to cook rotolo (JO recipe) which takes about 1h30 of faffing when we've got in late and the kid is starving.

Or wants to cook insert fiddly food that DS doesn't eat and doesn't plan for the kid.

He also thinks we can roll in just before dinner and not far off bedtime and he can relax- nah mate, it's witching hour, get off your arse and do your bit.

That's cathartic!

If he wants to take two hours to make dinner then he needs to start at 4pm

^^

This, really

First Xmas with ExH, he told me to stay in bed while he fetched me breakfast as my Xmas present.

I never eat breakfast

After nearly an hour of staring at the walls (no bedside tech back then!) I went and made myself a cup of tea. He was still frying sausages on candle power.

I mean, just how??

Tell him to start earlier! Make it a lighthearted ribbing. Surely he can take a joke? He absolutely should be cooking but it's also not acceptable to serve food up so late when you have kids needing to get to bed. He'll have to start it earlier, until he gets the hang of doing it quicker.

After nearly an hour of staring at the walls (no bedside tech back then!) I went and made myself a cup of tea. He was still frying sausages on candle power.

reminds me of an old boyfriend. The first time I stayed at his he offered to make me a bacon buttie. “Just you stay in bed, i’ll Do everything”, “great”, I thought. 30 minutes later and no bacon buttie. I went downstairs, no boyfriend either. I phoned him, “oh I’ve gone out for the bacon” (the spar was right next door to his house) “Oh, is there a queue?” “Dunno I havent got there yet” “where have you gone?” “Fancy schmancy butchers across town” he doesn’t drive so he was walking. 30 minutes there, 30 minutes back. 2 hours later I finally had a “meh” bacon buttie. I brought my own bacon the next time.

Amazing would be him being a Michelin star chef, BTW. It's hardly amazing to serve up pasta at ten minutes to bedtime. That's pretty substandard actually. I agree it's a parenting basic to cook and it's a parenting basic to have food ready at the correct time. Come on, don't enable crapness. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership that makes life easier, not harder.

OP do you have a set dinner time for the DC? I would tell him dinner needs to be ready by six so he needs to plan ahead and make sure he starts early enough to have it ready by then.

@WWlOOlWW you really can't make Bolognese/a ragu from scratch on 20 minutes. If it tastes the same as slow cooking it you need a new recipe.....

You could make a just abiut edible one though.

Frozen soffrito (or whatever it's called) mince and a jar of sauce

Not the best in the world but does the job and reasonably quickly

@VictoryOrValhalla I bet you'd have settled for a mug of coffee if he'd revealed his baconless state

A pasta made in 15-20mins sounds shit to be honest. It takes me 40mins just to make the sauce! I think this is probably a difference in expectations of food — he’s probably making a much better tasting ‘from scratch’ pasta dish but OP prefers expediency over taste.

Or just a morning shag eh Victory

We've spoken about it again this evening. He's disappointed in himself. I've said it just has to be done and on table by 6:30. No excuses. If it can't happen then I'll do it.
No excuses.
Should be ok.

And I'm really not sure what to say to those if you who are so so harsh. Words fail me but I guess I should expect it if I post in AIBU.

Already had my sausage tea would have been fine. I don’t do coffee.

And Bolognese sauce needs at least 20 minutes to simmer.

Chop mushrooms. Cook pasta and fry mushrooms. Throw in some ham and Philadelphia

That is not a pasta sauce. You can't really blame him for not wanting to make that; but if you have kids it needs to be ready on time.

If speed was of the essence you should just have given her a ham and cheese sandwich with some sticks of raw veg. Just the same nutrition and takes 2 minutes.

That was her meal. Bland but she likes it.
We had filled pasta with fresh pasta sauce. Takes even less time and all prepackaged.

She had packed lunch today otherwise I would have done sandwiches(of course).

You think people were harsh when you came on here and told half a story and made out your dh was totally incompetent

Blimey. Most people have other fish to fry and it doesn’t take 3 hours

Nooo, don't tell him you'll do it instead

And you don't need to tell him off or give him orders either, he isn't your student/employee. Just let him know it was ready too late and next time he wants to spend 3 hours making pasta he should think about starting earlier.

We eat dinner late but kids eat their dinner straight after school....at about 4.30. I'm always amazed that families eat together on weeknights...my kids are ready for bed and in pjs by 7.

op, this would drive me mad!

Even if I use dolmio I like my bolognese to be on for over an hour. Maybe I'm your husband? I dont really get why he likes slow cooked sausages though? What is the benefit of that?
Also..ravioli and bought sauce should be on the plate in 10 minutes.