AIBU to stop wanting stuff brought to my house??

[user1486250399]

This has been going on for ages. I have tried to subtly stop it to no avail. Last week I tried a humorous approach when my mum brought over 3 pairs of slipper socks. I tried to make fun a little - why 3 pairs??
Peacocks were selling 2 pairs for a pound
So you bought 6?!
Yes and I don't need 6 pairs
Neither do I! Don't bring them round here, I'm trying to get rid of stuff!
(Laughs and puts them in my cupboard).
Next day brings 3 x kids CDs (we don't own a CD player).
I keep talking about how we have too much stuff and want to get rid of stuff. Complain about MIL doing the same as my mum does. She doesn't get it.

Today comes over for a cuppa and I see her at the door carrying 2 massive carrier bags. What could she possibly need to bring with her to come for tea??
Loads of junk for the kids.
My DD is 3. She brings her a dress from a charity shop aged 18-24 months. Couldn't leave it there apparently. It was too nice. I said shame it's too small, we can't use it, thanks anyway and put it back in the bag. Oh well, she says, taking it out, just ebay it. Then later when I say thanks but no thanks to a winter coat that'll fit my ds perfectly in the height of summer, she says oh well you've got a perfectly good charity shop in town.

Now my dh and I both work full time, have a 3yo and 6mo as well as other commitments - why do I have to spend what precious little time we get off as a family doing bloody charity shop runs?? Why am I wasting so much time after every visit sorting through crap we dont have space for?? Aside from that, I cringe at the environmental impact of the constant buying of cheap shit no one wants - not even her!

It's not just my mum, my MIL and nan are equally as bad. I honestly bag up a carrier bag or 2 every week of crap to get rid of.

I know it comes from a good place. Help me stop this madness without upsetting people who have good intentions?

YANBU my mum is the same. Just free cycle it and people who actually want it will come and collect from you.

Just tell her she'll be wasting her money because you'll take it straight to the charity shop.

I make my DM return it. She’s wasting money and I don’t want piles of tat. If she don’t return it she has to keep it at her house or dispose of it herself. It’s harsh but is the only way to get the message through that I don’t want stuff.

Put it straight back in her hands or bag and then put it back in her car or hand it to her when she is leaving.

You might have to get cross/be firm about this.

Pick the bag up, unopened, and place it by the front door.
Tell her to take it with her when she goes home.

I know it comes from a good place. Help me stop this madness without upsetting people who have good intentions?
Tell her you know that it comes from a good place, but her good intentions are upsetting YOU. You don't have time to ebay it or take it to the charity shop.
You and your DH have limited time to do housework, you don't need to be moving bags of stuff round just so that you can hoover the floor.
She is MAKING work for you

You are all so right. I just need to be firmer.

I think I’d try

‘Mum I’m going to be honest with you, the house being filled with stuff all the time is starting to really get me down. I’m trying not to buy anything we don’t need, and as much as I love you, I need to ask you not to bring any more things!’

Then hand her back the stuff.

Can you insist that when she leaves she takes her bags of tat with her, or just refuse to even let it pass over your threshold?
If they are all so keen to give your DC things, is there any chance they would consider putting the money they would have spent on various unwanted items, in a savings account for the DC instead? I'm guessing they probably wouldn't, but it might be worth a try.

Mil does this. Most recently a cheap Christmas wreath, we have one and a bottle with lights in it...’if you don’t want it throw it out!’ Argh our bin collection is 3 weekly so I have to be careful not to fill it with shite!

My mum does this, I put stuff in the charity bins at my DC school.

My MIL does this. Buys things for the DC ostensibly to have at her house to play with and then says "oh you might as well take it home". It's all very well intentioned and I appreciate the sentiment, but my children have far too much stuff as it is that I'm constantly trying to thin out. I always say either No thanks, they already have similar so it's nice for them to keep it here, or say that I'm desperately trying to declutter and don't need anything more. You just have to be firm. She will stop eventually if you keep insisting.

My mum used to be dreadful for this. Every visit would mean a bag or three of tat that she 'couldn't resist'.
I tried hints, being direct, taking the stuff to be polite. Nothing worked.
In the end, I picked out one item from the bag and left the rest at her house. No issues after that.

Thank you for suggestions - I am going to literally do it all! It's getting me down. So much waste.
Clearly I'm not the only one! Maddening isn't it??
They do it with food as well. I mean things like eggs and bread -stuff I buy in the weekly shop in an appropriate amount so any extra will just go in the bin. A few weeks ago I opened my fridge and sat there was an entire quiche. None of us eat quiche. Perfectly good food in the bin.

If they won't listen or take the items back, could you ensure you have a clean bin liner in the bin, and just put the unwanted items straight 'into the bin?' Hopefully they might take the hint and stop.
To be honest, when DCs were young and DM used to buy tat from her local market, I would just say no thanks, mum, and hand back whatever it was.

This is my MIL and mum - they both do it. Always turning my up at my house with tat I don’t really want and that I’ll inevitably have to get rid of at some point. It’s so well intentioned but it’s so wasteful and it pisses me off that I’ll then have to dispose of it. We’ve been living in a building site for a few years and I do not have to the space to house the crap they bring to my house.

Visit your DM and bring a bag of all the stuff she has given you that you don't need.

(I sympathise, I have 6 nieces and am given all their clothes and toys for my one dd - it drives me up the wall. I refuse to take stuff now)

Next time they come round make sure you have a clean bin liner in your kitchen bin. Tell them you don't want this stuff and from now on are going to just chuck it all immediately. Open it up the bin and lob everything they bring into it. You can retrieve it and charity shop it if you want.

I don't believe it is 'coming from a good place' when people still carry on despite being told to stop. Fair enough if you haven't told them to stop but afterwards its total disrespect.

Yes I have the same problem- although it’s mostly my DM that does it.

The thing is they have very little money coming in, yet she is forever buying useless crap because “it was a bargain” the odd £5 spent here and there soon adds up!

At the weekend she arrived with a load of Christmas tat that she -forgot- “put away” from Wilkos January sale. Everything was 20p but instead of buying 1 or 2, She bought multiples of each item. I have 2 dc, they do not need 4 countdown to Christmas blackboards, or 6 Santa writing kits!

Do you ever pop round hers. Everytime you go take over everything she’s dumped at yours and dump it back. You don’t want it so she can find somewhere else for it. Same with mil and nan.

I give it back to my mil

This drives me nuts too, my dad went through a stage of bring junk over, stuff that he found whilst clearing his house and thought we would like (books, toys, useless tat), I used to put most of it in the bin or take it to a bootsale. I’m not sure why he thought I wanted stuff that he had no use for. Every time I have a big clear out someone decides to bring more tat to the house, Christmas is a nightmare, I tell people not to bother buying gifts as we have enough ‘stuff’ in the house but people take no notice and buy the dd’s more tat.

my Mil used to do that... she even used to bring me rotting windfalls- give me something to do- she said.It's passive aggressiveness gone mad!

Could you try asking her to bring something round? Like while she's coming to grab some milk and bread? So she feels like shes helping but at the same time its not crap you wont want?

I agree with the clean bin liner at the ready strategy. Let her see you putting it straight into the bin. Dress that's too small? 'oh never mind, i'll just bin it now - unless you want to take it back?'. 6 pairs of slipper-socks? Take out one pair and just shovel the other 5 straight into the bin - unless she wants to take them back. Right in front of her eyes.