AIBU to stop wanting stuff brought to my house??

[user1486250399]

This has been going on for ages. I have tried to subtly stop it to no avail. Last week I tried a humorous approach when my mum brought over 3 pairs of slipper socks. I tried to make fun a little - why 3 pairs??
Peacocks were selling 2 pairs for a pound
So you bought 6?!
Yes and I don't need 6 pairs
Neither do I! Don't bring them round here, I'm trying to get rid of stuff!
(Laughs and puts them in my cupboard).
Next day brings 3 x kids CDs (we don't own a CD player).
I keep talking about how we have too much stuff and want to get rid of stuff. Complain about MIL doing the same as my mum does. She doesn't get it.

Today comes over for a cuppa and I see her at the door carrying 2 massive carrier bags. What could she possibly need to bring with her to come for tea??
Loads of junk for the kids.
My DD is 3. She brings her a dress from a charity shop aged 18-24 months. Couldn't leave it there apparently. It was too nice. I said shame it's too small, we can't use it, thanks anyway and put it back in the bag. Oh well, she says, taking it out, just ebay it. Then later when I say thanks but no thanks to a winter coat that'll fit my ds perfectly in the height of summer, she says oh well you've got a perfectly good charity shop in town.

Now my dh and I both work full time, have a 3yo and 6mo as well as other commitments - why do I have to spend what precious little time we get off as a family doing bloody charity shop runs?? Why am I wasting so much time after every visit sorting through crap we dont have space for?? Aside from that, I cringe at the environmental impact of the constant buying of cheap shit no one wants - not even her!

It's not just my mum, my MIL and nan are equally as bad. I honestly bag up a carrier bag or 2 every week of crap to get rid of.

I know it comes from a good place. Help me stop this madness without upsetting people who have good intentions?

My MIL does this - we spent the weekend with my PIL and she tried to send us home with SO much random Christmas tat that we don't want or need. So frustrating!

I left it all at their house. They have a huge house with tonnes of storage - unlike us!!

Can't you just say something like 'god mum, not more stuff we don't need? It's got to stop. But if you want to bring things with you, bring wine. but no more crap please'

Tell her to take it away. She can charity shop / Ebay what ever. My parents and MIL both do this occaisionally but I try to be firm.

I think bluntness is the only way to go. You have tried to be nice but it's not working.

Yes! My mum used to do this. I remember she wanted me to take some folding stools as they would be perfect for the garden. I said well they'll be perfect in your garden top then and refused to take them.

She did look quite hurt and I felt bad but as you say, just another thing for me to take to the dump when I work full time !

I am in the minority here, but how nice it must be to have people in your life who think about you like that and want to treat you to little things? I’ve never had that. The idea that someone would be out shopping and think, “oh sparkles would like that” is just lovely.

My MIL is awful for this. After 9 years, I've learnt there's one way only to deal with it.

I've tried telling her we don't need anything, I've tried being polite, I've tried telling her not to spend any money but still - every single visit would bring charity shop ''finds'' like old picture frames, chipped butter dishes and horrific clothes.

The only way (because she won't stop it) to stop any of the tat staying in my house is when she brings the new ''find'' from a bag, I instantly screw my nose up and say "OH GOD that's not my taste at ALL. No. Yuck."

It's taken me years to pluck the courage to do this, normally I'm quite a 'yes' person and wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. But really. She bought round some horrible stuff. I've got a vase she bought precariously placed on a windowsill in the hopes it'll accidentally fall off....

My MIL is EXACTLY the same!!! Her mums going into a home so she was emptying her freezer & took round year old chicken and a 9 month old fish pie to put in ours. Why not just throw it out???
She’s had a massive clear out of her own house recently and we get all the shite of the day because she “just hates throwing things out” - it drives me potty!!!

My mum is the same. Seems to be a lot of chronic buyers about!

I had to be really very firm and rude with my family like this. Bag taken and put in their car. Chased them down the street and put the bag back in their hands. Left it on the street pointedly when they then wouldn't take it and went back into house (went back later, am not fly tipper, but it was gone). Lots of sad faces, some bitching about me, but meh, I'd tried the being nice approach.

They bring nothing to my house now without checking first. I know they rant to others along the lines of oh, I'd love to get that for LittleCottons but you now what Cotton is like . I don't care.

know

My mother in law does this too! I just put it in a bag and let it all build up then drop off at the local charity shop. Completely understand how u feel. It's so annoying but comes from a good place so it's hard not to be thankful

Make good use of her generosity... a quick text when you know she is due, please bring milk, fruit for granddaughter. She will have no money left for junk shop purchases.

Yes must be a mum thing , I say no now . I used to go no thanks but she'll say I'll bin them then so I'll say ok I'll take them . Then I'll get them home and think why have I took them

My MIL was terrible for this when DH & I first got a house. Every day or so there would be a vase or artificial flowers or an ornament. Now it's fair to say her taste & mine were VERY different & some of the ornaments were truly hideous! I put them away in cupboards or took them to the charity shop (hoping she wouldn't see them & buy them back!) One day she turned up with a huge bag containing 8 rolls of wallpaper "for your bedroom because it was a bargain!". Honestly, it was the complete opposite of anything I would've chosen & quite awful. In that moment, I saw what my future would be like if I accepted it. I took a deep breath & said I didn't like it. She was a bit huffy but took it back to the shop & thankfully never did it again. Later on, I found out she'd described me as 'defiant' to her friend! She's still getting in the bargains & then gets cross that her house & garage are full...

Say thanks m and put it to one side. One day a week or whenever nip round and drop of the stuff and say thanks but it doesn't fit so thought you may as well drop it off at charity shop next time you go and leave. Or even leave it on her door step and send her a text? Might put her off if she has to take it herself?

Ungrateful! As I said to my dil when bringing her a bag of shite "I saw this and thought of you!"

Luckily my mum doesn't do this at all. She also hates "random crap for the sake of random crap". DP's mum goes through phases, but only stuff for DP

If she really cannot bear to arrive empty handed, can't you ask her to contribute to something, or find something specific - a snowflake top for the nativity, or something that can be used for world book day, cheap toy you can gift at the next Christmas party, that kind of thing?

When we had our new flat mil gave me a manky old picture of a dog. I grimaced as it was dirty and awful and she said ‘oh I know you like dogs so got this!’ I made her take it back whence it came!

They also don’t seem to realise that the kids start associating them with gifts. And that’s not good as it shifts from ‘yay it’s grandma!’ to ‘what have you brought me?’

My MIL is exactly the same, she brings a bag full every time she comes round- 3 times a week. Last week I said I'd found a recipe for salmon fish cakes that I was going to try soon, she went to Costco and bought 10 tins of salmon for me!!! I completely sympathise xx

My mom used to do this despite my discussing how I needed to get rid of all clutter until -

1. I asked for her help decluttering and putting unwanted items in bin bags for the charity shop. We were doing this for many hours.
2. I kept a charity bag at the porch door for anything I didn't want and every piece of unrequested 'stuff' that anyone brought in went in the bag or they took it back. It wasn't coming further in.

It's worked perfectly.

YANBU, my retired MIL went through a phase of off loading crap onto us eg a deckchair with a massive rip in it?! Always prefaced with' just take it to the charity shop/chuck it if you don't want it'. Annoyingly DP tends to hoard and would end up taking it as it was free and 'might come in useful one day'. When I asked him what we're supposed to do with these broken items, the penny dropped and he realised she's just foisting stuff she can't be arsed taking to the tip herself and he's got better at saying no.