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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like a mug?

30 replies

Winterishere2018 · 05/12/2018 10:13

I always made an effort with Sil inregards to birthday presents and the same with dn for birthday and Christmas I choose and pay for them. Dh tells me basically Sil doesn’t like me anymore because she usually made an effort with our kids but last year she said she was too busy to attend ds1 (who is from a previously relationship) but would try to drop a present off, I replied to say it would be nice even if she just popped in for half an hour meaning not the full length. Sil took to this and repeating what dh said has given me a wide berth since. In the meantime beknown to me I’ve made an effort with birthdays and Christmas. I feel like a complete mug whilst dh knew now I’m going to have to go to in-laws for Christmas and pretend to be happy when in reality I’m dreading it. Aibu to feel like a mug as dh didn’t tell me at the time and all the while I been making an effort, dh suggested I apologised to Sil.

OP posts:
7yo7yo · 05/12/2018 10:17

Apologise for what??

Bluearsedfly36 · 05/12/2018 10:19

I second what @7yo7yo just said. What do you need to apologise for?? You haven't done anything.

OftenHangry · 05/12/2018 10:21

I need a diagram with this post.Blush
Who was too busy. Attend DS1? Popping in fir half an hour? I am confused

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 05/12/2018 10:21

I'm not sure I understand.
Your sil has said she doesn't like you.
and You have been told to apologise to her.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 05/12/2018 10:22

I thought it was just me, Hangry

UpstartCrow · 05/12/2018 10:23

Your SIL has looked for a reason to take offence, you don't have to apologise. She sounds like a nasty piece of work.

Bluearsedfly36 · 05/12/2018 10:25

Tell DH to get stuffed and if anyone should apologise it's him and SIL for talking behind your back!

Alfie190 · 05/12/2018 10:25

I don't understand the story OP. I think you need to reword it / explain again.

Original poster
Winterishere2018 · 05/12/2018 10:29

Sorry for the bad wording dyslexic. I was having a birthday party for ds1 who is from a previous relationship. Sil messaged to say she was too busy to attend the party but would drop a present in. I simply replied she could just pop in for a half an hour and she took me a offence to that.

OP posts:
FluffyMcCloud · 05/12/2018 10:29

SIL said she couldn’t come to DS birthday but would drop a present in, you replied it would be nice to see her even just for half an hour. SIL took it as a guilt trip which she didn’t appreciate - she’d already said she would get him a present but felt your message back was rude, perhaps.
You didn’t mean to be rude. It’s possible you get defensive about your DS1 as he was from a previous relationship and you worry about DHs family treating him equally.
A whole lot of miscommunication here and possible stirring from your DH! I would contact SIL direct and not let DH twist anything further.
No need to apologise but establish why your message upset her and explain its actual intention.

Rhiannon13 · 05/12/2018 10:37

I'm also a bit confused but can't you just have a chat with her on your own? Nothing like a good conversation to iron out problems...

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 05/12/2018 10:45

She's offended because you asked her to call in and see her (to all intents and purposes) nephew on his birthday.

I'm sure she could have spared 2 minutes

SnuggyBuggy · 05/12/2018 10:48

I don't think it's a case of anyone doing anything wrong. Maybe SIL is just busier than you appreciate

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 05/12/2018 10:49

Oh abs you'd only be a "mug"
if you apologized for doing nothing wrong

Piffle11 · 05/12/2018 10:54

So is DH going to be doing all their Christmas shopping from now on? Tell him to stop stirring it and maybe show you a bit of support. Why is he effectively taking his DSis's side over yours? Is there more to it? Just seems a ridiculous thing to say: 'Sis doesn't like you anymore because you asked her to pop in for half an hour'. If my DH's sibling said this to him, he'd tell her to get a grip.

mirren3 · 05/12/2018 10:59

You have no need to apologise or dread Christmas, she is in the wrong...And I'm sure she knows it.
She's probably dreading seeing you more than you are her. Rise above it, don't let it spoil your day.

Giantbanger · 05/12/2018 11:01

I don't see what's wrong with not going to a kids birthday party, sorry. That would be my idea of hell, and I wouldn't go. Especially if the child was old enough to have their mates there - I might go for a 1st birthday party but I wouldn't for an older child, I'd just drop a present in whenever I could

I don't think there's anything wrong with that per se, is there more of a backstory?

OliviaBenson · 05/12/2018 11:20

If I'd told you I couldn't make the party I would have been annoyed at your suggestion to just pop in for a bit- it's a kids party, why so important for her to be there. She wasn't ignoring the occasion.

But she is being unreasonable at still being cross about it. 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
Winterishere2018 · 05/12/2018 11:28

She messaged saying she didn’t think she would make it hence why I suggest it would be great if she popped in for half an hour.

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 05/12/2018 12:02

But if she has already told you she can't make it then why suggest the half hour? She would have suggested the half hour if she had the time.

SilverLining10 · 05/12/2018 12:25

I would be annoyed if I told you I couldnt make it and you still pressed ahead. I would be thinking you are hard of understanding.

Travisandthemonkey · 05/12/2018 12:29

Well you could say to sil, I think we had crossed wires, I wasn’t trying to guilt trip you I just thought it would be nice to see you.
Or you could just ignore it all, because she’s fucking batshit.

Who has the time or energy to get upset about something like your message.

Original poster
Winterishere2018 · 05/12/2018 12:37

She said she might not be able to make it hence why I said why not pop in for half an hour.

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 05/12/2018 12:40

She may just be a difficult person

Linziepie · 05/12/2018 12:45

It is annoying when you tell someone you can't make something and then people try to twist your arm. Seems silly to be so upset though, could there be other things that have annoyed her too?