To not make my child remove her hat inside?

[SNOnlyDD]

She has SN and has a bobble hat that she wears when she feels insecure or anxious. She literally wears it, then when she feels better takes it off and puts it in her bag.

She’s 4 and in reception. She started school this year so has been wearing the hat a lot more while she settles in. She doesn’t mess with the hat, but it isn’t school colours as it is a specific hat that helps. The head teacher and SENCO said it wouldn’t be a problem for her to wear it, and is classed as a reasonable adjustment for her. It’s a mainstream school and she is doing really well, loves school and making slow and steady progress.

She also sometimes wears the hat at home, especially when she’s been to her dads or we do something a bit scary. It gives her comfort, and stops her withdrawing into herself, when she withdraws it’s very difficult to help her or encourage and is more likely to need picking up from school.

But her 1-1 TA thinks she’s becoming dependant on it, and thinks it’s inappropriate to wear as sometimes she’s spending whole days in the hat, and she’s started taking the hat off of DD which means she withdraws into herself and is reluctant to take part in activities. With the hat on she needs a bit of encouragement but will take part, so to me it’s a win-win. TA is also worried DD will get bullied for wearing it (though I don’t see how as it’s a hat with a popular cartoon character on it which most of the children will know)

Headteacher and her class teacher are happy for her to wear it and to encourage her to become less dependent on it when she is completely settled, but 1-1 TA is the one with her more (3 hours each morning and lunchtime so 4.5 hours a day) so DD is more likely to listen to her.

AIBU? And if so how do I deal with this? DD is an only child (hence username) so never navigated this before.

It is a reasonable adjustment.

It is not in TA's decision to decide when that reasonable adjustment is removed.

Speak to the TA and ask her if she is going to stop removing a reasonable adjustment, or is she going to force you to have to get all heavy and start writing to the head and governors officially? It's her choice then as to how you tackle it.

The TA has a point, but she handled it in the wrong way. I think maybe just formulating a plan with them on reducing the time she wears it and as others have said, maybe just having it in her pocket could help.

She’s 4. Let her wear the hat. Ffs.

The TA does not have a point; her job is not to decide if/when the Op's child should not need a comfort object. Her job is to help support the child whilst at school. They do not have the right to change something that has been agreed between OP, teacher and HT.

OP, please do not go in and say 'I'm sorry, but...'. Go in and say 'DO NOT remove DD's hat.' Talk to the teacher and HT about it and say that you are extremely unhappy about this and the TA's actions have set your DD back in her settling in. I don't care if the TA is the most experienced SEN TA in the history of the world and knows more than everyone else ever could. Her job is support only, not deciding when your DD should give up the hat. If she continues to interfere in this, then she needs to go and another TA appointed. And she should also apologise to you for ignoring your wishes. Hopefully, the HT will go through her like a whirlwind for arrogance.

Go speak to the ta be nice but firmly tell her that as you the head and class teacher all agree ( and all outrank her!) then ds will be wearing her hat as and when and she needs to wind her neck in.

The TA is not a trained professional. She is an assistant to the trained professional. That’s not to say she doesn’t have thoughts on this worth listening to. But her role is very clear, and it’s not to undermine the HT - the senior trained professional - who has agreed that wearing her hat is a reasonable adjustment for your DD’s SN.

But her 1-1 TA thinks she’s becoming dependant on it,

And why is that a problem? (well, except for possible loss). We all have things that bring us comfort, it'a a bobble hat, not something dangerous or harmful, so why not let her just wear it.

I agree with everyone here - nice, but firm, that this is not a problem for you, that your child should just wear the hat.

My DD (with ADD/OCD) also wore a hat at all times for about 18 months, when she was 8-9. School were very accommodating. They tried to make her take it off here and there (for assembly, shows etc.) but she usually sneaked it in under her jumper and then put it on!
It wasn't a huge issue: it made her feel safe and secure, and didn't interfere with anything else.
There's no need to remove comfort items from children who need them; they will in time grow out of them.
This TA should not be fussing about your DD's hat, nor interfering with the position that the head and SENCO have already taken.

Like PP it's not the TA's decision. She obviously needs the comfort at school. If you remove that comfort the need will still be there it just won't be met. You wouldn't remove a diabetic's insulin because they were reliant on it. Of course ideally in time she'll be confident enough to not need the extra comfort but you won't achieve that by taking it away and making her feel unsafe before she's ready.

There still are people working in education who think that SEN is naughtiness and it can be punished away

Unfortunately, this has been true of a couple of DDs teachers: e.g. she wouldn't be able to go into the zoo if she didn't stop doing OCD-related thing. That teacher genuinely cared about DD, and thought her firm approach would help. It didn't.

I’d talk to the teacher - it’s their job to manage the ta within the classroom so they need to be made aware this is happening and stop it.

Let her keep the hat, but maybe with an open mind that you will be willing for the TA to 'gently encourage' your dd to take it off more if she is showing signs of being happy to. Unfortunately these things are up for interpretation so some will be more zealous than others.

Ds1 has aspergers and would often keep his coat on with hood up inside, not so much at home as he feels safer and more confident there, but at church, school, KFC etc. He is still allowed it on at school now, not just a hat but his whole coat, and he is 17, nearly 18! He is also highly functioning within his autism, not hugely in need of help or adjustments, doing his A-levels in secondary school and is still allowed his little bit of 'protection' from the outside world.

It sounds like, to me (an untrained lay person), that your dd is not ready to lose the hat. Forcing her to not wear it when needed might cause her to 'regress' with regards to how much she needs it and possibly cause resentment towards the person who tries to take it away from her.

The TA doesn't have the right or qualification to decide whether your child should be allowed to wear the hat all day. Speak to the teacher and HT so they can tell the TA to back off.