To find the annual managing of In laws too much

[Claracracksthenut]

The yearly Christmas debate of when in laws ( who have little to do with us all year) can come over Xmas has started yet again in our house. The issue is
1, I am working night 23 and 25 th December so priority is our children. They go to bed and I have to go to work Christmas night ( without any sleep and after a night 23rd so nasty)
2, I have already arranged to spend Xmas day at my (widowed) mother’s as she is local, happy to host as it helps me she knows I will be struggling with lack of sleep. She also has a new puppy she is toilet training so better for her at her house. Plus my brother will be there.
3, SIL who uses mil in law for childcare and lives near her has decided we should have them on 25th????? ( they all live over 1 hour away). Also they are doing a big Xmas on 24th as traditional in BIL home country.

I’m exhausted I am juggling and working Xmas. Making sure my 3 children don’t miss out. Why do these people think they can dominate the very brief period I get with my family on Xmas. I have to sacrifice sleep to fit in xmas.
We have offered to host Boxing Day pm as a compromise ( I will be exhausted and grumpy but hay ho I don’t really matter do I?)

Just to clarify and avoid drip feeding.
Mil has never ever helped us with childcare, we have 3 young children and she has always been horrible to me. She was also beyond rude to my mother at our wedding so no my mother will not have her.
I work In a hospital I’m front line staff it is not my choice to work Xmas, I have to!

Just say to your DH, "That's fine, dear, whatever you arrange - I'll be sleeping so I won't be able to see them all but do feel free to arrange whatever you want to do about hosting them."

Don't get guilted into it all! Just opt out. He can take them out for a pub lunch.

I've offered to host in laws on New Year's Day - in fact I said they could come Christmas Day to us but I'm not going to them as my parents are coming. In laws won't come on nyd of course and we are refusing to drive to them as we have guests on nye! (Dinner on nyd would be prebought buffet food, have brochure already)

You appear to have a dh problem, as they say.

Seeing as he can't be relied upon to have your back, you need to speak to sil and or mil and say when you are available to host, which will definitely not be the 26th.

Wtf?!
Sorry but DH needs to grow a pair. Does he not know youre already going to your mums AND to work?!?!

'No, i cant do that day, but we are free on boxing day and XYZ date'.

Stop engaging about it with him.
Grey rock method. "I have already explained what is feasible for this year."

It simply isn't up to your CF sil to make decisions on your behalf, end of discussion. You are the one who's working over Christmas, so you tell them when it's convenient for them to visit. Tough shit if she doesn't like it!

Stop OFFERING days and TELL them what your plan for the 25th is and if they don't want to arrange an alternative meet up, so be it.

You’re making it far more complicated than it needs to be. Tell them you CAN’T do Christmas Day or Boxing Day because you are working nights. They can insist all they want but you aren’t doing it then because you are working!
The same way, if you were on holiday for Christmas you would say you couldn’t see them, no matter how much they insisted.

It’s just utter madness to make yourself stressed and miserable in the run up to Christmas and exhaused on Boxing Day.

Your DH isn’t being very kind or supportive by choosing not to arrange a different day with them.

So she expects you to jump because her husband celebrates on 24th. Good for them. You celebrate 25th and have made arrangements elsewhere around working nights.
No, you will not be available until x.
Repeat, repeat, repeat.
Tell your dh to grow some and support you, his wife.

Your problem, as well as unpleasant in laws, is your DH. He needs to back you on this as they are being unreasonable. No one can make you host. No is a complete sentence. He needs to grow a pair.

“Why do these people think they can dominate the very brief period I get with my family on Xmas.”

But from your DP’s point of view you’re spending all Xmas day with your mum and brother.

Hmm, if you don’t like your in-laws fair enough, but don’t pretend they are extending family interposing on immediate family, because you seem perfectly happy to spend Xmas with YOUR extended family.

As my kids would say 'Are you mad, fam?!' No way should you be hosting on Boxing Day after a night shift. Either say no or pack off the DH and DC to his mum's and get some proper sleep.

Well not really pyramid, as OP's mum is hosting her, which means OP can rest a bit and leave when she's tired. Whereas SIL expects OP to host for all of their family.

It's their presumption in inviting themselves over to OPs and then insisting it has to be Boxing Day that's a cheek. If they'd invited OP over on, say, the 27th or 28th it would have been fine.

Let them come over and then have this Xmas delight on repeat 😂