MN foodies, help me please my incredibly awkward family on Christmas Eve, without breaking the bank!

[Greensleeves]

I need a dinner that's relatively easy and fuss-free, not expensive (because I've blown all our money on presents) a bit special (not spag bol or curry, we eat those too often) and will fulfil the following fussy preferences:

no chicken (my dad doesn't trust it)
no mince (ds1 finds it "bouncy")
no mushrooms, butternut squash, butter beans or spinach (ds2...sigh)
no white sauces (my dad will cry)
no fish (see above)
no sweetcorn (dh hates it)
no pizza or burgers (my dad will pull supercilious faces and sour the atmosphere)

I'm a relatively good cook, (when I'm not catering for people with irrational dislikes of perfectly delicious ingredients), but my brain has gone into overload I can't think of anything! Buffets and roasts are out, as we tend to alternate those from 24th to 30th December!

It needs to be served up and scoffed by about 7pm, as Christmas Eve is Snowman Night chez Greensleeves, so we have stuff to do in the evening before mince pie and carrot time!

How about doing a big ham with roast new potatoes and cauliflower cheese.

Am I the only one curious as to why the OPs father doesn't trust Chickens?

Did he get ripped off by one at a card game?

I would go with the beef casserole and dumplings. Very easy to preprep, and just leave in the oven.

Then serve up with mashed potatoes, braised red cabbage, etc.

Ham cooked in coke, French bread and real butter, salad and pickles

This is easy (also goes a long way so maybe 5 people). Beef Goulash. 1 lb cubed stewing or braising beef, 8oz carrots, 8 oz onions.
Cut veg into cubes, cook gently in 1 oz butter for ?10 mins, add tin toms and 1 tab tom puree, 1 bay leaf. Move to casserole or saucepan. Rinse pan add oil and fry/brown beef, once browned sprinkle on 2 teasps flour and 2 teasps paprika. Add oxocube dissolved half a pint water. Salt and black pepper to taste.
Add to casserole, cook in the oven 160 1 hr. Check if meat tender, cook another 40 mins. Can be cooked in pressure cooker (less liquid) or pan on cooker.
Swirl with sour cream on serving but is fine without. Good with baked pots, mash or rice.

Some fabulous suggestions here, they're making me hungry

Meringue snowman that would be brilliant!

Snowman Night - started when the sprogs were tiny and stuck! We all suspend our dignity and wear snowman PJs, then we make snowmen out of card/glitter/fabric etc (my dad's an artist so the kids look forward to his surreal offering every year), name them and station them around the house. Then we decorate homemade gingerbread snowmen with icing/coconut/sweets, then take them into the living room and eat them with hot choc and marshmallows from our snowman tea set while watching The Snowman.

I haven't had kleftico/stifado for years, I am quite tempted to do one of those.

Osso bucco if the bones won’t freak people out - doesn’t have to have the saffron risotto if that’s too much of a stretch you could have it with mash or polenta or something. Bit special but not too hard to make. I had it one year for Christmas Dinner and it was incredible.

My go to easy but inpressive dish is pork chops.

Onion, chopped
Apples, sliced
Pork Chops (loin without bones is easier to eat)
Dry Cider
Sage
Breadcrumbs
Grated Cheese

Put onion & apple on the base of a shallow casserole, sprinkle with sage
Brown chops in frying pan and place in a single layer over apple & onion
Deglaze pan and add to casserole
Pour cider over chops
Mix breadcrumbs & cheese
Cover casserole
Bake
To serve, carefully cut around chops and lift out.
Serve with jacket or roast potatoes and selection of veg.

I've made it so often, I just do quantities by eye but if anyone is interested, I'll attempt to find the original recipe.

Cheese on toast

Ikea special.
Meatballs, sauce and lingonberry with a pile of mash.
Nom.

I’d do jacket potatoes. You can have lots of hot and cold fillings.

Chilli
Tuna
Cheese
Beans
Sour cream and salsa
Leftover meats
Coleslaw and other salad.

That way the fussy ones don’t have to have why they don’t like but it doesn’t mean that everyone else has to miss out.

Snowman Night sounds AWESOME!

Tell your parents its their turn to cook

As they're such a fussy bunch, I'd do a buffet. Cold meats, cheese, quiche, dips, nice bread and general snacky bits.

Can't abide fussy eaters. DP's lot are a nightmare, between the faddiness and food allergies, his mum cooks about 5 different shepherd's pies when we all go round: one with no veg for BIL who despises anything of plant origin except potatoes, one with no dairy for 2 lactose intolerant, one that has no thickening for DP's BIL who can't have wheat, one with soya mince for the vegans/vegetarians. I lose the will to live just thinking about it.

It's then made a mockery of by the fact that one of the "vegans" happily eats trifle with proper jelly and home-made Yorkshire puddings, the wheat allergic BIL is now fine with it following an exclusion and gradual reintroduction regime and DP's brother could stop being infantile and pick out the bits he doesn't like.

Fondue!

Make a vat of melted cheese and let people dip bread in.

(If you live on the edge and have got the gaviscon in already follow with chocolate fondue.)

It's traditional to have it on Christmas Eve in Switzerland or Germany I think.

Bean of course we eat dinner on Christmas Eve but its something simple, not a gathering of kids and parents with roast lamb and such, that can wait until the day after. To me the OPs post seems to suggest the opposite.

Was irritated with your dad’s fussiness, esp distrust of chickens! But him being an artist has redeemed him. How shallow of me!

I love the sound of Snowman Night!

You MUST do the meringue snowmen a la BeanBagLady !

Ooh the fondue suggestion is perfect!

@JurassicAdventure it is traditional to have Fondue on Christmas Eve, but that's actually the equivalent of the UK Christmas Day lunch, as in CH the 24th is when everyone gathers, opens presents after dinner delivered by the Christ Child etc.

But also it tends not to be a cheese fondue, but instead a Fondue Chinois which uses a boiled broth in the pot and very thin slices of tender meat which you cook in the broth.

A cheese fondue can be quite tricky to prepare for a lot of people and to keep the temp correct as it's eaten, burns quite easily of you don't keep an eye on it.

I serve fondue but it is quite stressful, the Chinois is an easier option, but the easiest thing is raclette - as everyone is in charge of their own cheese and meat.

@LakieLady, your poor MIL.

I would just do 2 versions, one vegan and one meat.
Serve veg separately, use soya or veg marg in the mash and thicken with cornflour.
Vegan who eats Yorkshire's and jelly

Big sharing platter - go on pinterest and search for charcuterie boards of ideas. You ca make them look really beautiful too.

Cheeses - a cheddar, a soft cheese, a blue cheese (or a flavoured cheese), some mini mozarella balls
Ham / salami
Cold boiled quails eggs
Olives
Roasted peppers
Apple slices
Grapes
Melon chunks
Crackers
Crusty bread
breadsticks
Houmous
Tomatoes
Cucumber
Cornichon
Various Chutneys
Basil Leaves

Everyone can just graze and take what they fancy - very sociable and reasonably light the night before a day of eating.

I like to get some little skewers and pre-make some selections - maybe a mozarella ball, a basil leaf and a tomato, or a piece of cheddar, folded salami slice and a cornichon.

If you want foreign cuisine do a beef casserole in red wine and call it boeuf bourguinon

Plus most things can be bought ready in packs / jars / tubs (Marks has great antipasti) so it's a 20 minute job to open / slice / arrange things. The fiddliest bit is peeling eggs.

Go greek, pork souvlaki kebabs, Greek salad, warmed pittas, griddled halloumi and sweet potato wedges.

Stick with the beef stew idea - cooked in red wine with some smoked bacon. Serve with garlic mash - gently fry some garlic in butter, add butter and parsley and warm through before adding to the mashed potato. Put into a serving bowl with Gruyere heese on top and it will wait and be baked later. Serve with green beans.

Feeling hungry now!