To be curious about roles in your house...

[KM99]

After another post today re: men being involved in buying clothes for their DCs, I wondered how the typical child raising and house chores are managed in your house?

We are pretty evenly split. DH does take turns with laundry, tidying, house work type things and I often look after the car,do the garden etc. It's really important to us DS doesn't see certain "jobs" being assigned to gender.

To be fair I can have higher standards than DH with cleanliness, but he is a big tidying up person.

We've always been 50/50 on all childxare except when I was BF.

I honestly get abit annoyed at my friends who complain their DH's do nothing but then keep enabling them. I also found some of the comments on here about certain things not being "men's jobs" quite frustrating. How do we expect our kids to treat each other equally if we don't demonstrate it?

My hubby works away for 3 weeks at a time and I work part-time so I guess for 3 weeks I do EVERYTHING. When he is home he will do 90% of the cooking,help out with most things around the house, I don’t lie anymore else doing the laundry though so that’s all mine. But yes he will do the school run, make packed lunches, Hoover if needed etc he’s fantastic really (except when he cooks he makes a HUGE mess but I suppose somethings gotta give 🤣🤣)

And we have two kids aged 5 and 3

The cleaner does all the cleaning.

Husband is in charge of washing up, I'm in charge of laundry. We just sort of muddle along with other jobs.

We did try switching laundry and washing up, but he massively overdoes any task, so even though we have a dishwasher, washer and tumble dryer, the tasks take about the same amount of time. He was getting massively behind on the laundry 'doing it properly' (i.e. refusing to mix slightly different shades of pink in the same wash ). So now he overdoes the washing instead and we both have clean pants.

We were quite evenly split in housework and childcare for 12 years, we did have a cleaner every week though. Plus he did a bit more childcare. Then I became seriously ill so he had to do everything. Roll on a couple more years and though I’m at home and do a lot of things he actually has to do quite a bit. I can’t hoover for instance or do anything heavy. Our lovely cleaner changed jobs and I havent found another to replace her . DS will do an hour or two of cleaning a week, he does bathrooms, I do pay him and he does it well . But after he leaves home in a year I will have to make a serious effort to look for another cleaner.

DP works full time from home and I’m on mat leave with the baby. Our division of labour has always been quite gendered unfortunately. I do majority of housework, cooking, food shopping, laundry and DP does the things I don’t like doing like emptying bins, changing bedding and changing cat litter. He also does night feeds with the baby.

He also does all DIY, car stuff, techy stuff. I keep on top of admin like appointments, banking etc.

We look after DD completely equally.

DP is very handy and can figure out how to fix or put together most things. I break out in a sweat if I have to look at an Ikea manual. In fact if I have to read instructions for anything rather than just playing with it to figure it out I won’t bother, I’ll just wait for DP!

Also he pays for the cleaner once a week, so I don’t do much cleaning except the kitchen, it’s mostly tidying.

I work f/t and sometimes work away for a day or two, although much of the rest of it is from home. I'm the main earner (mortgage and utilities come from my account). DH is self employed so his days vary, and his income covers housekeeping, meals out and holidays.

DH does 100% of cooking, cleaning and DIY.

I do 100% of laundry and life admin, and 90% of dog walking and gardening (DH will do any tough physical stuff that I can't manage in the garden, and he'll sort the dog out if I'm working away obvs).

We share washing-up, tidying up and food/gift shopping.

I'm forever worrying that I'm the lazy fucker in our relationship, but DH enjoys cooking and cleaning and I loathe it, and he seems quite happy with the dynamic as it is. I do have a guilt complex though.

Oh, no children - my stepchildren are all grown up.

I'm a SAHD so although I've got all the childcare during the day, we split it whenever DW is home.

DW does most of the household admin and the bulk of the cleaning.

We split laundry 50:50 although only my clothing gets ironed to so I do that. Washing up is roughly 50:50, as is bins, clearing the table and loading/unloading dishwasher.

I do all food shopping, all cooking, cars, garden, DIY, and our investment portfolio.

Were pretty 50/50 but I guess certain jobs have automatically fallen to each of us. OH takes bins out as is a bit of a walk to end of drive and I’ve a bad back. He mows lawn/does garden and does all DIY. I do all laundry (mine, his and baby) mainly because I know he’d not separate lights/darks and put inappropriate things in the dryer. I prob buy all baby’s clothes unless he’s with me. I do all hoovering (not sure I’ve ever seen him hoover!) and keep on top of shopping/what we run out of/toiletries as he is not very organised and never thinks ahead - that includes cat food and medication but he will pick them up. He probs keeps on top of petrol. I deal with household oil, and bill paying, again cos he’s not very organised!!! I make all the docs appointments for baby (jabs etc) but he will come along. We have a cleaner once a week for dusting, bathrooms and floors. Everything else prob split 50/50, cooking etc (though I am better cook than him) incl feeding baby (on bottles) where we do one night on one night off.

But I do refuse to iron his clothes - that’s his job!!!

Both women here.
Cooking: me 95% of the time her 5% (out of 100%)
Doing the dishes: me 90 her 10
Laundry: 50/50
Garden: neither really, we are both horrible at keeping it
Cleaning kitty litter: me 65 her 35 (we are ttc so whenever I've been inseminated she takes care of it)
Food shopping: me 70 her 30
Feeding the cats: me 95 her 5
General cleaning: me 70 her 30.

But she works far more hours a week than I do. So I'm happy to do more. we're pretty good with the way things are.

I think we are very equal, thanks to shared parental leave at the start and realising what jobs we like and don't like to do were mostly pretty complementary. To steal Mama's format:

Cooking: me 95% (love it and find it v relaxing)

Washing up: DH 95%

Laundry: me 95%

Ironing: DH 95%

Dog: 50/50

Food shopping: me 95%

Cleaning: me 75% as I am home more

School runs: me 75% for work patterns

DIY: me 100% as he's awful!! Ditto car.

Booking babysitters/childcare/doctors: DH 95%

Clothes for kids: was 100% me as DH seemed to be unable to tell if things just completely didn't fit or are the wrong size. He used to try to squeeze the babies into babygros that were clearly too small, tops around their ribs, trousers that wouldn't do up and not see the problem. This issue has gone away now as the kids dress themselves and choose their own clothes.

Jobs I don't want to do (bins, garden, utility bills, finances, insurances, changing bedsheets, tip/charity shop runs, tidying, sorting paperwork, wrangling children into bed, dealing with his family, dealing with my mother): DH 100%

Oh works and I'm a sahm.
We generally share tidying, hoovering, cleaning and cooking.
Its just me who does clothes washing and washing dishes, bathing children and putting them to bed.
Oh always puts the bins out and does a food shop (when we don't do it online)

I guess the other thing to add is that the mental load is also 50/50 since we each have our jobs that we take most of the responsibility for, so we aren't stepping on each others' toes. In that sense the idea of roles (whether traditionally gendered or not) can make sense, I do all DIY stuff so if he came and messed about with my tool organisation or tried to do something I'd just have to redo it, better that DIY is just my job. And same thing about his jobs, I don't touch them unless he's away and I have to do the bins or pay bills or they won't get done. On a normal day though, neither of us is delegating to or managing the other, so the mental load is shared.

For us, it's been constantly in flux. We had several years where he was at home and the main carer for the kids and home but tried out best to divide things up evenly when I was home, we had a couple years where I was at home and the main carer for the kids but he was doing most of the housework and cooking due to my and one of our kids' chronic illnesses, and in the last couple of years, I've taken on more and more so that I'm doing the majority of the childcare and daily housecare, he does most of the cooking and house needs that he can do on nights he isn't working like clearing out under furniture or toilets that are otherwise under constant use though there are weeks when one or the other of us is just out for the count on doing such things and we switch things up.

At my kids' ages (7-14), I think it's more important to have them involved in the jobs and making sure that expectations on them are by ability rather than sex. Maybe it's because ours is always changing or living with 3 adults who actively discuss compensating for each others' disabilities, but I find what my kids are involved in doing makes far more impact than what we're demonstrating. Being 50/50 with my spouse would mean little if we allowed our kids to fall into all too common chore patterns of elder daughter's burdens and girls doing more and to higher expectations than their brothers.

I do everything as I'm a widow

DH works 48h over 4 days then has 4 days off (although at the moment it’s more like 72 over 6 and 2 off
I work roughly 2x 24h shifts a week- isn’t as bad as it sounds! It’s also fairly flexible.

DH normally does all the laundry, about 5 loads a week. He also does the bins/ the cat/ 50% of the dishes/ 50% of the cooking/ sweeps and mops the hard floors a couple of times a week.

I do everything else.
He likes to fanny about while doing his chores so he spends much longer on them but if he did them at my speed I’m not being a dick- just like to crack on and get it done- I’d say he spends 3h a week and I spend 4.
Not including cooking which we both enjoy so don’t really time/rush. I’m doing most of everything at the moment though as he’s working so much temporarily.

Teen DD does some dishes/ cooking/ hoovering/tidying round - maybe an hour a week at teen speed!
DS5 tidies with me and is pretty good.

I work longer hours and earn 4x more than DH, who works flexibly from home. 1 10yo DS and a cat.

Cooking: DH 75%

Food shopping: DH 75%, but most of the work is done automatically via Gousto recipe food delivery (DH chooses the recipes most of the time)

Washing up: me 75%

Laundry: DH 90%; I fold the laundry and put away clothes

Ironing: DH 100%; we only do DS's school shirts with a steam iron, done by DH

Cat: me 60%; DS scoops up litter tray

Cleaning: cleaners 1x a week; not much to do in between

School runs: DH 90%

Cars: DH 100%

Booking babysitters/childcare/doctors: me for babysitters; 50:50 for doctors, dentist; DH for play dates and school carpool

Clothes for DS: me 75%

Garden: me 90%; I do all the mowing (love it; DH hates it and never does it as neatly)

Holiday planning and packing: me 75% (most definitely including itineraries)

Jobs I don't want to do (bins, utility bills, finances, insurances, changing bedsheets, tip/charity shop runs, tidying, sorting paperwork, wrangling DS into bed, dealing with his family): DH 100%; DS now helps by taking the bins out

I don;t think each individual chore needs to be split 50/50 in order to be fair.

As long as each partner is putting in an equal effort and have equal amount of down time.

There are tasks that we are better suited to- some we actually enjoy.

Oh has never used the washing machine- laundry is a job I don't mind doing, especially in the summer months when I can hang stuff ourside.

I do all bills and finance, OH struggles with that, but I like having some control in the area.

OH always takes out bins, does any internet stuff, any mucky or heavy jobs.
I can mow the lawn, but OH is stronger than I am - it takes him less effort to do it than me.

OH cleans out he fridge and the freezers- a job I detest, and one I never do.

In all we put in equal effort- it doesn't matter if some jobs are done soley by one partner.

We split the housework 50/50
I do about 70% of the cooking as I enjoy it more, DH does the packed lunches
DH takes the bins out
DH puts the DC to bed every night
I do school drop off, DH does pick up
DH pays most bills, I buy food and clothing

Pretty even split and we're happy with it.

DH works full time and I work part time. I do all the drop offs/pick ups, homework and food prep for the kids. I also do all the washing / ironing. We take it in turns to cook in the evening and will both do housework at different times in the week. I never clean the bathroom tho - that's dh's job!