How annoyed should I be?

[Sirhiss]

First time poster but long time lurker. Wasn’tgoing To join but had a MIL encounter this weekend that I am actually interested in the mumsnet response to.

So long post with some context- my MIL came to visit on Fri staying the weekend and returned this morning (Mon). Usually harmless and generally unobtrusive so I don’t mind her being here, and she lives far away so it makes sense to be here a few days.

So on Fri night my DW and I had put DC to bed and were planning to play a card game. MIL joined us at the table to watch but didn’t want to / couldn’t join in. Game is quite expensive (think Magic but not magic) - eg £300 of cardboard on the table.

As MIL had previously in the day knocked over 2 glasses of water onto floor and table after repeatedly being told to be careful, and was sitting with a precariously balanced cup of tea I felt the need to give a direct warning along the lines of “for the avoidance of doubt, DW and I will be really upset if you spill tea over this game so please be careful”. I did say this in a very direct way as I wanted MIL to actually pay attention and absorb the info.

Queue a full tantrum, tears, and meltdown. “I won’t be spoken to like that” “I’m not your mother, so don’t speak to me like her” (to be fair I would be a lot more direct with my own DM, or friends etc.), “If I don’t get an apology I’m going home”. I gave 3 separate grovelling apologies (and a hug) and she eventually settled down but clearly a really weird atmosphere now.

Not much more was said about it over the weekend. Fast forward to today and I am seething a bit that she had such a childish tantrum and needed to be pacified when she was a guest and we were looking after her all weekend.

I don’t really want to have her stay over again but DW thinks that while MIL behaved badly she should still be allowed to stay over again, I just don’t want to be treated like this in my home.

So I guess- am I overreacting? How annoyed should I be?

Like others, I want to know what game costs £300. Whatever it is, it's not very hospitable to play the game if for whatever reason your MiL couldn't play it. What was she supposed to do? Sit and twiddle her thumbs?

PS
Queue a full tantrum, tears, and meltdown

The word is 'Cue' not 'Queue'

Haven’t read the whole thread... but as another poster said, I’m sure she doesn’t knock things over on purpose. She may have been feeling a little embarrassed if she’d accidentally knocked two things over earlier in the day, so I would think that’s why she reacted the way she did.

Also, could there be anything making her clumsy if this isn’t the norm for her? I remember as a small child my grandmother being especially clumsy all of a sudden, turned out she had cancer which had spread to her brain. There were a whole host of other symptoms she’d been ignoring, so I’m not suggesting this is the case for your MIL, but just making the point that there may be more to it.

I agree with Sayyyy.

Knocking over water is hardly the end of the world in terms of damage caused. There are plenty of significant health concerns which might cause an elderly person to become more clumsy that usual.

I think this is hilarious. Unfortunately it sounds like you are your MIL are at opposite ends of the "directness" spectrum.

Lesson learnt. Maybe next time your DW could deal with her in these instances.

(to be fair I would be a lot more direct with my own DM, or friends etc.),

I'm not sure you could have been any more direct!

What would have happened if mil had ruined the game or got tea all over the carpet.
Would she being replacing it ?
(No) would she be scrubbing the carpet clean ? (No)
So what else could you do if she wasn't respecting your property.
As for the tantrum.
What's all that about?
She's a guest.
If the kids did that it would be time out.

Definitely an unreasonable response.
I wondered if MILs reaction is out of character for her. That and the " clumsiness' It may be worth mentioning it to your wife and ask her to keep an eye on it. It may be a sign of physical or indeed mental health changes.
On the other hand it may have just been the frustration of you treating her like a child and embarrassing her.
As for not allowing her to stay again.... are you serious? Poor woman.

I think the MiL should be on here complaining about you being rude and the fact you and your wife decided to play a board game during her short stay rather then do something with her

I'm glad I never had sons.

Why @I'dRatherHaveACupOfTea ? I don't understand.

No wonder she knocked drinks over. Probably a nervous wreck after being repeatedly told off.

Bit of a controlling bloke aren't you Sirhiss?. Has nobody told you people are more important than "things"? Poor MIL must feel mortified - you've destroyed that relationship haven't you?

Those who are saying the OP was rude. What would you have said? "This game's ridiculously expensive so we keep drinks off the table" while giving somewhere to put her drink and making sure no-one else had a drink on the table.

What's wrong with being asked to be careful, if you've shown yourself to be clumsy She can't help being clumsy, so it's telling her her normal self is unacceptable while not giving her any help to become acceptable.

To the OP - if you are a man, that will have made it even more unpleasant, as most women, certainly of MIL's age, have had experience of men acting in a dominating and threatening fashion towards them.