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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be offended by this?

57 replies

rainandsnow7 · 03/12/2018 15:12

My partner (fiance actually) has said something that has both annoyed and upset me, more than I thought it would. He says it's just a joke, just banter, and I shouldn't take it seriously.

We were talking about a woman on TV (I won't say who, it's irrelevant), and I said I find her irritating. He said "why? She's fit. Fitter than you are." And then laughed.

I am far from vain, I made my peace with not being the best looking person many moons ago, and I certainly wouldn't compare myself to anyone else - what's the point? It's a recipe for misery. But him comparing me like this has upset me, even if it is true. On the whole I don't like to think of my appearance, I try and make myself look as nice/presentable as possible and just get on with it. But for HIM to start comparing me...well it's made me cross/upset/angry.

OP posts:
AnguaUberwaldIronfoundersson · 03/12/2018 15:55

I'm guessing it was Holly Willoughby and OJSquash has is bang on. When it's a celeb who literally earns more in a day than I could ever dream of then of course they're going to look amazing and fit.

When you can afford the wardrobe and the chef and the personal trainer and the beauty treatments and the make up endorsements and the hair and makeup artists to look like she does THEN he can make statements like that.

I'm guessing he's no Dwayne Johnson/Chris Hemsworth/Ryan Gosling/Benedict Cumberbatch delete as applicable is he?

UpstartCrow · 03/12/2018 15:55

Handsome is as handsome does...

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/graphic.php

Brazenhussy0 · 03/12/2018 15:57

Your DP better have some outstanding redeeming qualities to balance being an arsehole?

There’s nothing even mildly funny in what he said. You made a critical observation about a woman he finds attractive so he had to bring you down a peg (and put you beneath her.)
Horrible thing to do to a partner and I wouldn’t accept being spoken to that way.

daisychain01 · 03/12/2018 15:57

OP he sounds like someone who needs their own special dedicated post on this current thread, and yy he IS a complete arse:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3441575-Fuck-off-to-the-far-side-of-fuck-and-when-you-get-there-fuck-off-some-more?trending=1

Branleuse · 03/12/2018 15:58

how was it said? was it "because shes fit"? As in asking you if you find her irritating because youre intimidated by her being so attractive?

or just a random mean comment about her being fitter than you?

I notice a lot of people are quick to point out faults or be irritated by people they feel threatened/intimdated by and its a bit obvious

daisychain01 · 03/12/2018 15:59

If you're going to tell him to FTFO etc, do it before Christmas so you don't have to buy him a present that he doesn't deserve.

FaFoutis · 03/12/2018 16:00

He is nasty and I'd question his attitude to women in general. LTB while you can.

Thesmallthings · 03/12/2018 16:04

The why, she's fit I wouldn't have a problem with.

It's the fitter then you bit id find hurtful, it's not funny at all.
Id be petty and point out all the men that are fitter then him.

ladydickisathingapparently · 03/12/2018 16:05

I’m not pretty at all. I’m very average looking at best. DH has never made me feel like anything over than the most beautiful woman on earth. In that scenario I guarantee he would’ve said something like “she’s fit...but not as fit as you.”

Is he often like this? I couldn’t be with someone negative to me or our children.

daisychain01 · 03/12/2018 16:06

This

to be offended by this?
daisychain01 · 03/12/2018 16:07

DH has never made me feel like anything over than the most beautiful woman on earth. In that scenario I guarantee he would’ve said something like “she’s fit...but not as fit as you"

^ find one of these OP, it's what you deserve!

Safeandwarm · 03/12/2018 16:09

Yeah cause it’s absolutely hilarious for a man to insinuate that the only reason a woman could find another woman irritating is because she’s jealous of her ‘fitness’.

I know this taken out a of context op but does he often talk about women’s looks rather than their personalities?

legalseagull · 03/12/2018 16:10

Sexist - can women not be irritating as long as they're fit? That would piss me off alone without the insult on top

OutragedERIC · 03/12/2018 16:15

In terms of witty banter it’s right up there with ‘I know you are, I said you are, so what am I’

I’d be concerned I was hitching up to a dullard.

stiltonontoast · 03/12/2018 16:15

Personally I would be very offended!

I'm aware that my DH probably does find other people more attractive than me, but he at least has the common decency to pretend he doesn't!

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/12/2018 16:18

I'm not pretty at all.

Who's to say that though.
To me there is no such thing as being attractive or unattractive. Well there is of course, but Its only ever opinion not fact. Your dp makes you feel like you're the most beautiful women in world because in his eyes you are.
As the age old saying goes "Every eye forms its own beauty".

Serialweightwatcher · 03/12/2018 16:18

That's so nasty Flowers

Fairyliz · 03/12/2018 16:20

Wow what a twat you can do better op.

I have been married 30 years; I wasn't good looking when I got married so I'm certainly not now.
Occasionally I will point out young women on the tv and say things like 'oh isn't she gorgeous'. My DH will say something like 'oh is she?'

That's the sort of man you need to be looking for.

Mrsglitterfairy · 03/12/2018 16:20

Yeah that’s prettt shitty. I don’t mind my DH admiring women on tv etc, he might have said something along the lines of ‘yeh she’s annoying but she’s fit’ but would never compare her or anyone else to me. Not to my face anyway.
I wouldn’t go as far to say ltb but you need to tell him how crappy that comment was and how it made you feel

starandson · 03/12/2018 16:21

Ugh. Sexist and rude.

MissRhubarb · 03/12/2018 16:23

I'd be upset and I know my DP would be hurt if I made a comment like that to him. What would bother me more though is being with someone who dismisses a comment that has clearly upset you as "banter" (hate that term - usually just equals unfunny offensive non-jokes) or tells me to lighten up. I'll lighten up when you say something remotely amusing pal.

user1467718508 · 03/12/2018 16:30
Flowers

Awful, awful man.

Is he mean like this often?

MonsterTequila · 03/12/2018 16:33

That’s awful OP. As others have said there’s no correlation between her looks and ability to be irritating- I think he saw the opportunity to have a dig at you & make you feel like shit. And it worked. I couldn’t be with someone like that.

sockunicorn · 03/12/2018 16:35

this comment wouldnt bother me, but looking at the majority here i think im just odd Confused. i probably would have replied "not what your dad says" and thrown something at him.

BettyBitchface · 03/12/2018 16:39

Is he a bit thick?

You said that you found her irritating.

He thinks she's not irritating because she's "fit".

Sounds as if he had a brain cell, it would die of loneliness.

The adding of "fitter than you are" is also nasty and uncalled for.

Thick and nasty, not a great combo.