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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL tapping me on the arm every time she speaks to me

60 replies

MillionsOfGeoffreys · 03/12/2018 11:55

I know she probably doesn’t know she’s doing it. But I’m about to explode. If she wants to say something in a conversation she quite firmly taps the forearm of the person she’s speaking to (usually me) first before speaking. How do I stop it?!

OP posts:
Biffsboys · 03/12/2018 12:36

My sister does this , I just make sure I always sit out of her reach 😬

coolcahuna · 03/12/2018 12:36

I HATE people tapping me on the arm. I don't get it, its sooooo odd! And then some people do it during the conversation too if they feel your interest is waning! I feel your pain!

justonemoreminutepls · 03/12/2018 12:37

my partner and his dad do this... i normally just say grab their hand when they do it (like gently but hold it) and say, 'you don't have to tap me, i'm listening'

they're never offended as they don't really realise they're doing it half the time but are embarassed and apologetic but rather you mention it.

Just bring her up on it at the time, out of context, it seems much worse but in the moment they’ll be fine. If they aren’t fine, just say, you don’t like being touched/your personal space invaded in that way. soznotsoz

Rattinghat · 03/12/2018 12:45

Next time she does it just obviously look down at her hand and your arm for a nice long 30 seconds.
Repeat as necessary.

InsomniacAnonymous · 03/12/2018 12:45

How about doing it to her whenever you speak to her?

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 03/12/2018 12:54

We train our children at school to stop doing this during Reception. I'm staggered that she's reached the age she has without someone punching her pointing out she should stop.

Bluerussian · 03/12/2018 12:58

Pull your hand/arm away when she does and 'jump', so she will think she has startled you and may - repeat, may - stop. It is annoying, I've known people do that.

Or you could just ask her not to, tell it is not the 'polite' thing to do. Hopefully she'll stop doing it to others too. I'm sure she doesn't mean any harm though.

Sometimes it has to be plain speaking, not everyone takes hints. She would hate for you to get your husband to tell her, better to be straightforward.

explodingkittensexpansion · 03/12/2018 12:59

Sounds like hearing impairment?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 03/12/2018 12:59

I hate being tapped too, she might think she's not getting much of a chance to say much when you're talking so hence the tap to stop you from talking? Or it might just be a thing she does that she doesn't realise.

No idea how you can stop her without bringing it up though.

SaucyJack · 03/12/2018 13:01

Do you listen to her when she starts talking normally?

SnappedandFartedagain · 03/12/2018 13:06

Whenever you are touching distance to her and about to chat, put both your arms behind your back and see what she does.

skybluee · 03/12/2018 13:18

Cover your arm in treacle

Skatersbeskating · 03/12/2018 13:22

Grab her hand & shout - "Woah, back off Bitch. No touching".

then run

EchoCardioGran · 03/12/2018 13:25

I find that a knowledge of morse code helps in these situations.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 03/12/2018 13:28

I need to know how this works. Does she get up and come over to do it? Is it when you're sitting at a table? Does she have unfeasibly long arms?

ILoveHumanity · 03/12/2018 13:31

I really think if this is the only issue then you need to develop more tolerance ....

But if there is deeper issues then address them

CatkinToadflax · 03/12/2018 13:33

I'm glad it's not just me - I hate being tapped and patted and poked! It's usually my two DSs doing it though and I ask them not to and they're getting better at remembering not to. Also hate people standing too close to me - it seems to happen a lot in queues - I move as much as I can away from them and inevitably they move up with me! Hmm

drspouse · 03/12/2018 13:39

Cover your arm in treacle

This is the ideal response.

Pinkkittens292 · 03/12/2018 13:41

My Gran used to do this.

I think it's just that everyone has their own little quirks.
Mine is fiddling with my hair when I'm nervous which I know some people find annoying!

I know someone who says "you know?" literally after every sentence and that does drive me crackers!
I'd never pull her up on it as I'm sure she has no idea how often she says it.

ladydickisathingapparently · 03/12/2018 13:43

My MIL does it too. She taps or pinches. It’s not an age thing with her because I’ve known her nearly 30 years and she’s always done it. Don’t see her that often though so while it’s mildly irritating I just let it go.

RightOnTheEdge · 03/12/2018 13:52

Oh OP my children used to do this and it drove me mad. It is so irritating. They don't do it anymore because I always told them not to.
I'm afraid I haven't got any good advice though because I'm one of those awful people that can't speak up about things so I would just put up with it and fume inside or try to stay out of her reach.

Namechangearoo · 03/12/2018 13:53

Oh dear, I suspect this was meant to be somewhat lighthearted and a few have come on and got a bit stroppy. Yes obviously you can tell her but it’s making a bit of a big deal about something quite small (yet annoying). If it was my MIL she’d be so embarrassed and offended no matter how polite I was. It must be so annoying though 😂

We live abroad and I’m staying with my PIL for 10 days next week. It might kill me off. We don’t have a good relationship either for no particular reason than a personality clash. It upsets me too but she’s a nice enough person so I just try and grin and bear the little irritations.

OohBabyBabeh · 03/12/2018 13:55

Someone used to do this to me at work, drove me crazy!! I had to say one day 'sorry but it makes me jump when you do that, could you not?' Then they stopped.

Chloe84 · 03/12/2018 14:00

Does she only do it to you but not her son? That would irritate me.

BunsOfAnarchy · 03/12/2018 14:06

DH sometimes does this. I just dont understand why it pisses me off so much lol

Get your DH to do it to u in front of her, and then lose your shit and say 'can you stop bloody tapping me, its PISSING ME OFF'

Hopefully she gets the driftGrin

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