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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling bad for saying I don’t like birthday presents

36 replies

Itsmegarry · 03/12/2018 11:02

It’s my birthday today and I’m feeling really shitty.

This morning I got up, did my usual...sorting packed lunches, ironing school uniforms etc... I’ve taken the day off work so it was a bit less stressful than usual. Partner got up and more or less ignored me, didn’t say happy birthday, just went and started getting himself ready for work. Youngest daughter got up...more or less did the same thing. Eldest daughter got up, came into the living room while I was ironing with a duvet wrapped around her and muttered “Happy Birthday”
She then left the room and the 3 of them came in with some presents. Still no happy birthday from youngest or partner, btw.

Opened the presents - they got me a lovely new purse, a lip gloss in the most hideous orange colour, a bottle of perfume that I really don’t like and a pair of pyjamas. I’m usually a size 6/8 but am 6 months pregnant atm so they got me a size 12/14 pj’s 🤷🏽‍♀️ I literally haven’t put on any weight except for bump (which is actually quite huge) so while the pj top does cover my bump, the bottoms literally fall off of me.

I didn’t at all make a fuss and said thank you, that the purse was really lovely (it really was - it was an expensive designer purse) but I didn’t like the colour of the lip gloss or the perfume so was it ok if I took them back and exchanged them for something I did like, and I’d also need to take the pj’s back as they didn’t fit. Partner didn’t look too happy but said this was fine and I don’t think the kids were really that interested.

He then text me when he went to work saying he was “miffed” about the presents.

No I feel really bad for saying I didn’t like them and am sitting here on my birthday, by myself, feeling like shit ☹️ Should I have kept my mouth shut?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 03/12/2018 11:11

Happy Birthday!

Surely your partner should know what perfume you like so that's not great, but you liked the purse. Most men probably couldn't reliably pick a nice lip gloss though.

You're not unreasonable not to like it all, but I probably wouldn't have asked for the receipts

Hope you're doing something nice later today.

00100001 · 03/12/2018 11:13

Yeah about the swapping - probably should have waited a while to suggest that... otherwise pretty rude imo

DoJo · 03/12/2018 11:14

I might have waited until later or the next day to discuss returning things, and maybe only with my partner, but I can understand you getting a bit miffed that they weren't making much effort to give you a lovely day. Happy birthday! I hope it gets better for you.

BikeRunSki · 03/12/2018 11:15

Happy Birthday! Can you go and change the PJs and have a nice lunch out?

Cosmetics, jewellery, toiletries and clothes are very dangerous presents to get someone unless they have specified exactly what and what size! I had a similar experience with a jumper DM bought me for my birthday last month. It took me a few days, but I did tell her. She know wears it, and sent me some money to buy myself a jumper Iiked. So good result all round, but I appreciate that this is always going to happen where money is tight. If DM had only asked me what I wanted ,I oddly have told her "socks"!

sally4ever · 03/12/2018 11:16

Honestly I’d have waited at least a couple of hours before asking to swap Blush

It just sounds a bit ungrateful. My DH can be a bit like this and it really does sound like a bit of a brat when he starts

Sunisshining5346 · 03/12/2018 11:17

Has he normally got presents right in the past?

If he is normally quite good at things like that, then maybe it was a mistake and he tried his best!

PlateOfBiscuits · 03/12/2018 11:18

Happy Birthday!

To be honest I think I would have waited a while before saying anything. And then probably only chosen the pjs to swap.

Megan2018 · 03/12/2018 11:19

Definitely rude to immediately say you don't like them - nothing wrong with changing them but to announce it immediately is off IMO.

Your family were rude to not say Happy Birthday to you though and be more enthusiastic.

But it does sound like they tried!

Puggles123 · 03/12/2018 11:21

I would say YABU, but also being 6 months pregnant myself I would have probably been upset! The pyjamas thing doesn’t surprise me too much, my OH is mystified by maternity clothing etc, and I suppose going a few sizes up seems logical if you aren’t quite sure. The lip gloss and perfume he might have asked for advice from the shop, or if you have some old ones you haven’t used in ages maybe he saw those? Either way, I think both of you have reasons to be annoyed- hopefully it doesn’t spoil your day though.

Sausagefingers9 · 03/12/2018 11:23

Bit rude to say it so quickly but then I suppose it could be even more awkward if you’d feigned delight and then said you didn’t like them.

From your post it sounds as if you are more (understandly

Sausagefingers9 · 03/12/2018 11:24

Miffed that they made no effort to even say happy birthday. That is pretty rude of them tbh, it’s the things that don’t cost anything that make your day.

Original poster
Itsmegarry · 03/12/2018 11:27

He knew by my face when I opened the lip gloss and perfume that I didn’t like them and he asked me. I said I wasn’t keen on the colour - he had put a gift receipt in so I didn’t ask for the receipt - and would it be ok if I changed it. The perfume I hate, always have done since I was young, so I did say I didn’t like this particular perfume so would it be ok if I changed it for a kind I did like. I just would hate saying I liked them and then not using them and them going to waste. The pj’s I DO like but again, I’ll need to change them for a different style, probably maternity ones, due to the size of my bump.

I really wasn’t miffed, a little disappointed at the fact only one daughter wished me happy birthday, but I wasn’t miffed about the presents. I’m not materialistic so a nice card and a simple “happy birthday” actually means more to me than presents but I’m feeling guilty for not liking them.

OP posts:
ButchyRestingFace · 03/12/2018 11:27

Honestly I’d have waited at least a couple of hours before asking to swap blush

This. I think you were rude. This is something I would have done (bull in a china shop tendencies) as a child.

But then, they were rude to you so don’t go grovelling. Just don’t do it again.

Alfie190 · 03/12/2018 11:27

I think you were pretty rude.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 03/12/2018 11:29

I think you were really rude and quite hurtful towards your family tbh.

Original poster
Itsmegarry · 03/12/2018 11:31

@sunisshining

Last year he got me a coat that was about 10 sizes too big so that had to be taken back as well. The style of the coat was nice though but was far too big. I always tell him what perfume I like but he always seems to get me a different kind.

OP posts:
RicStar · 03/12/2018 11:32

I would try not to let it worry you op it's done now. Maybe have a chat with dp about birthdays in general - me and dh dont do birthday a bit later sounds like a mis-match of expectations & a possibly a bit of pregnancy sensitivity.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 03/12/2018 11:32

Sounds like you had it on you this morning OP?

Probably best to say sorry for being a bit grumpy about the gifts and just return them for something you like, one way to look at it is at least they thought about you and bought you something even if they weren't all what you'd have liked.

Try and have a nice birthday anyway 🎂

ZeroFuchsGiven · 03/12/2018 11:33

Are you the type of person when asked what they want for their birthday answers 'anything' 'nothing' or 'surprise me'.

Original poster
Itsmegarry · 03/12/2018 11:33

Why would I pretend to like something though then later on say I don’t like it? That seems quite strange to me and I don’t think my partner would appreciate that, I know I wouldn’t Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsmegarry · 03/12/2018 11:34

Zerofucks - no I’m not. I told him ast week that I’d love perfume and pyjamas for my birthday and told hi exactly what perfume I like.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 03/12/2018 11:37

I wonder why he didn't buy the perfume you said you liked?

Sunisshining5346 · 03/12/2018 11:42

Hmm I don't understand why he wouldn't get you the perfume you wanted, if you told him specifically which one you wanted.

Scottishgirl85 · 03/12/2018 11:47

I would never say I didn't like them. I would have secretly re-gifted them at some point to save them going to waste. I would swap pjs but make a fuss and say you love the design, just wrong size.
Happy birthday!!

Original poster
Itsmegarry · 03/12/2018 11:50

I think I’d have felt even worse if I secretly re-gifted them!

He’s just text me saying they have the perfume I like in the Boots store next to his gym so he’ll take it back on Thursday, when he’s at the gym and change it so I’m happy with that!

OP posts: