Posting for unbiased opinions. I'll be showing this thread to him whatever the responses.
I had a baby 12 weeks ago and we have a 2.5 year old. I'm a sahm, he works full time. He is generally a great, loving and hands on Dad.
I have never been one to leave my babies when they are small. I don't judge those who do but I just don't feel the need. With my first, people went on and on at me (along the lines of 'you need a break') so much I did end up going on a night out when she was 7 weeks and again at about 12 ish weeks I think too. I didn't enjoy it and didn't want to go. We're surrounded by people who go out without their babies when they are tiny and my DH thinks is odd that I don't.
Anyway I've organised a night out for next weekend. Nothing excessive just dinner and a few drinks with friends I'm really looking forward to it. Baby will be nearly 14 weeks, is bottle fed now so should be fine and toddler will be in bed long before I go out. Am leaving them with their Dad.
This is where I need opinions. Because I'm not happy with his behaviour and it's making me doubt whether I should go and leave the baby with him and me actually saying that has made him very, very upset with me. Also he says I'm just making excuses not to go out and being a control freak not letting him deal with the baby in his way. I'll explain.
As I said he's a great Dad. He adores our children, he's very hands on and he spends as much time at home as he can. However. He just cannot deal with the baby whinging and crying in the evenings. He was the same with our first.
When I say he cannot deal with it specifically what I mean is he will make sure the baby is fed, clean, winded etc. Then he'll cuddle and rock to try to get to sleep BUT after a while when it doesn't work he starts to get annoyed. He'll huff and puff and say things angrily like 'for fucks sake baby, go to sleep' or 'what is fucking wrong with this kid!' Or 'please just go to fucking sleep!' but between his gritted teeth in a really horrible angry way. Sometimes for example if the baby spits up repeatedly and he has to change multiple outfits he'll end up chucking clothes across the floor in temper. That sort of thing. Baby has reflux (she's medicated and it's under control) and evenings have always been our tricky time. She is a grizzly bum in the evenings at the moment. Otherwise baby is really quite easy. She's sleeping through already so no excuse of being super sleep deprived like the early days or anything although he has been busier at work than normal.
He would never hurt our children. I am sure of that. He has never been violent towards me in nearly a decade of being together, he's not a violent or aggressive person. However this sort of behaviour when they baby is whingy in the evening really upsets me, I find it absolutely horrible and completely unacceptable. When I tell him that it always escalates into a row. I try to take the baby from him when he's like that and he usually refuses to hand her over, saying 'no, you need to let me settle her, I can't just give her to you all the time'. I rather take her and settle her myself nicely than let her go to sleep with him hissing in her ear.
I get that it's frustrating - it frustrates the life out of me when I've been running after a toddler all day and the baby won't settle long enough at night for us to eat dinner and chill for half hour. But that's life with a small baby- you just have to suck it up and get on with it! I'm not perfect, I've been known to mutter the odd 'FFS' under my breath. It's hard. But not this horrible, borderline aggressive behaviour.
This is the only time he's like it. He has improved a bit since we've fallen out over it numerous times but he's still doing it and it's making me not want to leave her with him next weekend. I can't bear the thought of not being here to comfort her and take over if he gets all cross.
Thoughts? What would you do?