To think some posters will not stop til they get blood

[DiggersAndDust]

I posted on here a couple of weeks ago asking for advice. I was feeling really low at the time, lack of confidence and didn't know what to do about a situation.

I posted on AIBU partly for traffic and partly because I knew I'd get lots of different advice and people would offer blunt advice that they might not give me in real life.

I was prepared to be told I was being unreasonable in how I was handling the situation. I already knew I was being unreasonable to be honest, that's why I wanted advice!! I was stuck and needed help!

Anyway, as expected, I got told IWBU by many, and was given loads of advice, some quite bluntly etc.. ...so far so good! The advice was helpful!

I thanked people for the advice, explained I'd be changing my ways (and have started to do so!!), explained I'd be mulling over what had been said to me (and still am and it's leading to positive changes!), recognised I was doing things wrong, and explained to posters some of the changes I'd make as a result of the advice given!

Then.... some posters started hammering me and continuing to dig in.

That's the bit I don't get! and which did start to make me feel really shit to be honest! And did start getting me defensive (), and did start bringing me down big time!

I mean, after the OP admits they r wrong, accepts they were being unreasonable, says they'll change and thanks people for their advice, why would people continue laying into the OP??

It feels like the OP accepting advice and making changes is just not enough for some posters! Some posters seem to want blood! It's like they r not happy til the OP completely breaks down. And even then, the digs continue in a kind of 'kick 'em while they're down' way. I personally felt the attacks were quite bullying.

Just wondering if anyone else has wondered a similar thing and wondered what the motive might be for the posters that bully (who are often the ones coming across high and mighty and anti-bullying!)

Prepared to be told IABU! (and unlike the last time I posted, I am also now prepared for posters wanting blood!! So bring it on if you want!!!!)

brizzledrizzle

I assume you have the OP’s posts hi-lighted?

Mine is also set to a continuous scroll to it’s easy to see the hi-lighted posts (mine and OPs)

I assume you have the OP's posts highlighted

Yes, but it'd be useful for the terminally lazy if you could just click a button and it shows just their posts.

I agree 😊 It would!
The continuous scroll rather than pages does help though

It's cancel the cheque, but with added venom, and overtones of sharks smelling blood. It isn't unique to Mumsnet though, by any means. I've seen and experienced similar pile-ons in another forum - I remember one awful, awful one where I was genuinely fearful for the mental health of the op, who was utterly shredded. And was also the target, albeit happily on a more minor scale, on another occasion. Some people just get carried away when they're feeling passionate about a subject; some people forget that there's a person behind every post; some people forget that what might be ok in spoken conversation with softening body language and tone of voice may come across poorly in writing. Also, some people are just nasty twats who want to see others upset. I'd like to imagine they're in the minority though.

AIBU is a scary, scary place sometimes, but other sub-forums are often kinder. I posted at a low point on Saturday, for instance, and received some excellent advice and support, it really lifted me up out of a trough there. I'd steer clear of AIBU if you're feeling anything less than fully armour-plated and bulletproof though.

brizzledrizzle
MN need to add a feature to show all posts by the OP on the thread and then it's easy to check before wading through 20 pages of agreement/YABUs.
Do you have the op's posts highlighted in one colour so you can find them as you're quickly scrolling down?

brizzledrizzle Sorry, x-posted

I have the op's post highlighted, but when my internet is feeling particular rural or my phone more geriatric than usual, it would be nice to be able to avoid having to scroll and load lots of pages.

I totally agree. There's a thread at the moment about a poster who's husband is redundant and hey have a two week old baby. They have enough savings to comfortably last them 6-9 months and some posters are baying for her to return to work immediately with the baby 2 weeks old even though she's said she wouldn't do that.

It's awful.

People don’t read the whole thread and just wade in responding to the OP even when the OP has admitted they were wrong. Sometimes the whole things gets derailed by a poster pulling out a bit of the OP and misinterpreting it and make up mad assumptions about the OPs character from it too which everyone joins in with. For the sake of my sanity I usually hide my threads which go south to stop myself from responding and feeding into the loop.

Brights
I hate to do a thread about a thread but it’s madness isn’t it. I feel like I’m living in a parallel universe because it’s so obviously shit advice yet loads of people are piling in agreeing with it.

But with the long threads, if I can't be bothered reading 100 replies I just don't post on it.

Anyone can post on here. I have been very impressed with some of the insightful and useful posts I have seen on here in most threads, more than I would have expected on a random Internet forum. I have also been equally unimpressed by posts from what a previous poster has coined the ‘hard of thinking’ (not a very generous description, but perhaps accurate). Some posts are in between.

In real life, you only ask for advice from people you know and opinions you respect, online you have to separate the wheat from the chaff. Posting repetitive advice several pages after the OP has conceded gives you a clue as to which category you can file that poster in.

MN need to add a feature to show all posts by the OP on the thread and then it's easy to check before wading through 20 pages of agreement/YABUs
Agreed @mnhq

MN need to add a feature to show all posts by the OP on the thread and then it's easy to check before wading through 20 pages of agreement/YABUs

This^

I have mine and the OPs posts highlighted but because I only ever MN on my phone, it’s hard to see them and I do miss when I’m checking.

What I would like is an easier way of replying to specific posts - when things get heated, peopleget offended at posts which aren’t actually directed at them. Also bun fights kick off at a tangent to the OP and I have been known to hide threads when I feel people are deliberately mis reading my posts.

This is why MN and other forums will never properly replace a face to face discussion.

Try to shrug it off OP- I had a similar thing - lots of posters almost wilfully misinterpreting what i was saying and making leaps even when I clarified.
I just wrote it off and thought of all the times I enjoy mumsnet - some people just take the opportunity to be snappy and strident in a way they may feel they can't be in life maybe?

I have been a member since 2009 and have never had any issues until this year. To the point mn deleted the thread due to how many people had reported it. I deleted my account then created a new one some months later.

It was during the lowest point in my life, bereavement and parental illness and just sheer exhaustion on my part. I asked a question in need of some actual advice - I was literally slated. Called the most vile names to the point it was utter bullying. I pretty much mostly just read now and don’t post too much. I see the names of the people who were so nasty to me on here regularly and will never forget them. I also though see so many people who were kind and supportive and really held me up that evening long after I stopped posting.

YANBU

As others have said, some posters don’t bother to RTFT before replying
Still others are posting because they have an agenda (eg letting anger out on a random person)

You do often see angry projection