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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some posters will not stop til they get blood

69 replies

DiggersAndDust · 02/12/2018 21:16

I posted on here a couple of weeks ago asking for advice. I was feeling really low at the time, lack of confidence and didn't know what to do about a situation.

I posted on AIBU partly for traffic and partly because I knew I'd get lots of different advice and people would offer blunt advice that they might not give me in real life.

I was prepared to be told I was being unreasonable in how I was handling the situation. I already knew I was being unreasonable to be honest, that's why I wanted advice!! I was stuck and needed help!

Anyway, as expected, I got told IWBU by many, and was given loads of advice, some quite bluntly etc.. ...so far so good! The advice was helpful!

I thanked people for the advice, explained I'd be changing my ways (and have started to do so!!), explained I'd be mulling over what had been said to me (and still am and it's leading to positive changes!), recognised I was doing things wrong, and explained to posters some of the changes I'd make as a result of the advice given!

Then.... some posters started hammering me and continuing to dig in.

That's the bit I don't get! Hmm and which did start to make me feel really shit to be honest! And did start getting me defensive (Blush), and did start bringing me down big time!

I mean, after the OP admits they r wrong, accepts they were being unreasonable, says they'll change and thanks people for their advice, why would people continue laying into the OP??

It feels like the OP accepting advice and making changes is just not enough for some posters! Some posters seem to want blood! It's like they r not happy til the OP completely breaks down. And even then, the digs continue in a kind of 'kick 'em while they're down' way. I personally felt the attacks were quite bullying.

Just wondering if anyone else has wondered a similar thing and wondered what the motive might be for the posters that bully (who are often the ones coming across high and mighty and anti-bullying!)

Prepared to be told IABU! (and unlike the last time I posted, I am also now prepared for posters wanting blood!! So bring it on if you want!!!!)

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 02/12/2018 23:38

You can change the background colour of the OP’s posts (and yours too, if you want) - and change your settings so you see all the thread on one page, which makes scrolling through for the OP’s updates a bit easier, @TheChickenOfTruth.

moredoll · 02/12/2018 23:43

Someone referred to the "hard of thinking" on Mumsnet. I thought that was a bit cruel, but you read some of the posts and you just think What. The. Actual. Fuck. Just ignore them. If they're anything like that irl they have very sad lives.

GivingBloodFeelingGreat · 02/12/2018 23:47

Mumsnet is full of vile people. I don't find it to be a helpful place at all which is why I will never start my own thread.

At least you acknowledged and admitted you were unreasonable. Some OPs don't admit they are in the wrong and start being abusive to the other posters. THOSE are the ones who deserve the bashing.

Who knows, I might get "bashed" for saying this. So to quote you "Bring it on if you want!"

Myselfonashelf · 02/12/2018 23:52

Yes I see alot more of this on here lately than I used to. It's always happened but I've been quite taken back at the viciousness of some posters. I really have had yo go back through a thread several times after reading a particular nasty comment thinking I must have missed a post earlier on the thread to warrant such an extreme reaction; but when I re-read I cannot find a reason for it. I often wonder if any of them read back at a later date and feel any embarrassment or remorse but I guess not!!
I think some people use AIBU topic as an excuse to bring out their inner bitch. It's known for being pretty hard going but some posters just go too far.
It 8s some time through not reading the thread but it does happen because someone feels the need to be vile.
I try and leave a positive comment if I see something particularly uncalled for.

JellySlice · 03/12/2018 00:03

I step away from threads like that. You've considered the suggestions made, you've acted upon them, and you've returned to feed back. Beyond the feedback, you owe them nothing.

You do not have to engage with bitchiness. Step away. Post that you're doing so, if you prefer. Hide the thread, if you prefer.

Smallhorse · 03/12/2018 00:36

Yup, see this a lot.
And on the relationship boards where certain individuals seem to make it their life’s work to split up couples in difficulty

AviatorShades · 03/12/2018 01:26

I once heard Justine talk about how it came about that she and her friend thought that a mutual support network for mums was a good idea (they were both young first time mothers at the time) and so Mumsnet was launched.

I'm sure that never in their worst nightmares would they have realized that, along with all the good they would also release the dogs(bitches?) of warAngry

It really shouldn't be like this....Sad

Monty27 · 03/12/2018 01:33

You're asking for criticism posting on there
Many people read it and post, often with conflicting views.
We are no two the same.
Good luck and welcome

yakari · 03/12/2018 03:05

I do think for some people it's a sport - and they just like to get a reaction. Easier to leave the thread - all be it then you get streams of 'i see the Op left'...

StoppinBy · 03/12/2018 03:48

Yep there are some nasty people on here, as there is everywhere. Some people do it for the fun of stirring I guess.

ResponsibleMushroomForager · 03/12/2018 04:00

OP - this has happened to me. Was told - several times! - I was BU. I acknowledged this and then had posters (sometimes the same ones) lay into me over and over again. And it wasn't even a particularly contentious AIBU. Eventually, I just hid the thread and moved on.

If I'd been feeling low, it would have really got to me. Some people lead shit lives so they log onto MN to deal out some shit to others. Sad really.

Having said that, I did an AIBU on cooking yesterday and got dozens of lovely and supportive replies.

ILoveHumanity · 03/12/2018 04:11

Yes, some people in real life feel pretty crap about themselves compared to other people ..

And so come on here and grab any opportunity when they see someone down , to make them acknowledge their glory or condescend them so they can admit to be inferior... makes them feel a bit like they’re not at the bottom of humanity for intellect...

But in reality.. they’re at the bottom of humanity for compassion

MaidenMotherCrone · 03/12/2018 05:12

But, as pp have said, this is AIBU. It isn’t and never has been for the faint hearted and definitely not for those feeling sensitive.

MerryMarigold · 03/12/2018 05:34

I agree, OP. I don't post in AIBU unless it is light hearted and I don't really care, as it tends to be a fest off piling in. I think there are people who live on there just to bocce able to vent. Things involving the kids or my marriage, or mental health, I go to the appropriate area. I find education is good for school related issues.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 03/12/2018 06:12

You're right Op. The 'advice' is truly shocking sometimes. It makes you realise why the World is as it is.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/12/2018 06:25

That's why I've never started a thread on AIBU because I think people do it more for reassurance really and I'm one of those people. I dont like being told I'm wrong. I'm as stubborn as a bloody mule. I'll put my cards on the table.

TheNavigator · 03/12/2018 06:29

I think not reading the thread annoys me most. Sometimes the OP has had a change of heart, or taken action so that the situation has moved on considerably and then some twerp comes on and makes an aggressive response to the first post. What idiot wouldn't stop to think that after hundreds of posts, the situation may have moved on? Often it is an unpleasant and lecturing post as well, which is both nasty and irrelevant by the time it is posted. It just seems so arrogant not to at least skim the OP's posts before you wade in with your hectoring.

headinhands · 03/12/2018 06:52

Totally agree. Just saw a thread about a poster having an allergic reaction. It occurred to me how different the tone is to real life. If I was with a group of friends and told them about such an incident they'd be sympathetic and full of advice and not assume I was a brain dead. Whereas a similar sharing of experiences on here rapidly descends into an ego fuelled bun fight to the death while the op looks on bruised and bewildered.

Flewog · 03/12/2018 07:05

YABU. You're a monster, how could you???!!!!!

Grin
SnuggyBuggy · 03/12/2018 07:09

I'm guessing people who don't RTFT but post nasty comments are those people in real life who love the sound of their own voices and just have to give an opinion even when they know almost nothing.

Elfontheshelfiswatchingyoutoo · 03/12/2018 07:09

Op I agree.

There is so much advice and help to be had on here but there is a handful of posters who just get off on being so appalling every time. They are also the ones who start to say.. When op snaps and they say...

You've had lots of help, we have all tried to help you (Royal we) etc etc.

It's such ashame. Mnhq must notice this, it must be the same repeat offenders as they say the same things.

I think the only way to proceed is not to engage with them at all hard as it is sometimes.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/12/2018 07:12

I also think it's probably because a lot of posters, especially later in a thread, just CBA to read the whole thread, and don't have the OP's posts highlighted.

Which is why it would be fucking MARVELLOUS and make life a lot easier if it was STANDARD that the OP's posts would be highlighted throughout a thread, rather than people having to go into Customise and change it themselves. Angry

niceupthedance · 03/12/2018 07:16

YANBU
I posted about a child carer who had assaulted my DC and as soon as these particular posters came on it was all down to my shit parenting 🤷‍♀️

I just hide the thread

Redcrayonisthebest · 03/12/2018 07:17

Yes this has happened to me a while ago. It was supposed to be a nice, light hearted thread and not in AIBU but one poster picked up something I had done wrong in her eyes and would not stop. I was in tears over the thread on the end. Disengaging is the only way sometimes!
Hope you're OK now OP.

brizzledrizzle · 03/12/2018 07:24

MN need to add a feature to show all posts by the OP on the thread and then it's easy to check before wading through 20 pages of agreement/YABUs.

@mnhq how about it?