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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Cheer up love, it might never happen'

52 replies

tactum · 02/12/2018 19:33

What if it already has and that's why I've got a face like a slapped arse??

Does anyone else think it's a stupid and inappropriate comment to make?! Fuck off!!! I know I look miserable, don't need you to point it out ta!

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 02/12/2018 20:31

Many years ago, a male nurse at work gave me a look and said "Cheer up love, who died?"

I was later made to apologise as apparently my totally honest answer of "My grandad, last night" upset him. That was not my favourite unit to work in.

pumpkinpie01 · 02/12/2018 20:35

I hate it too, where I live people don’t actually say hi or hello in the street they say ‘ you alright ?’ Which I have always thought is a stupid thing to say if you’re not alright you’re not going to stop in the street and tell all and sundry your problems !

VisitorsEntrance · 02/12/2018 20:40

I hate this shit.
Would they say that to another man? Would they fuck as like.

It’s just another way for a certain kind of man to exert control over women.
Bellends.

JoyofSticks · 02/12/2018 20:41

I say 'you have no idea what's happened!' and when told to 'smile' or 'cheer up' I say NO. It's only men who say this and only to women, cheeky bastards.

Omgineedanamechange · 02/12/2018 20:43

Don’t get me started, I fucking hate this. Although, to be fair, I have had a fair few women say this to me, not just men.

My current tactic is to fix a manic wild eyed grin, and shriek “is this ok” at full volume.

cosytidy · 02/12/2018 20:49

I fucking hate that

SadOtter · 02/12/2018 20:55

Someone said this to me literally minutes after I got a phone call to tell me my friend was dead, it had already been a tough few months and I just sort of exploded into a long rant about all the things that had happened ending with 'and then do you know what topped it all off? Some cunt I don't even know decided to tell me to cheer up, like its that fucking easy or even any of their business'

MulticolourMophead · 02/12/2018 21:03

I hate this too. Usually from a bloke to a woman. They never say it to other men. Sometimes women say it, but they tend to be the ones with internalised misogyny. Because it is misogynistic, like women have the look happy for everyone else. Fuck off with that.

Vitalogy · 02/12/2018 21:11

Last time a man said that to me, I said "What's it got to do with you", looking put out by this, he said "Good morning to you too", I said "why didn't you just say that in the first place". Another time, another mood, probably wouldn't have been my response but that's how it went that time. I think I've just smiled it off in the past. The older I get the less of a shit I give though.

Sarcelle · 02/12/2018 21:17

A few weeks ago there was a report of a young woman on a train who was left a note on the table by a man who was getting off the train. It told her she was lovely but needed to smile more. I think he had been sitting opposite her. So presumably, not just smile per se, but smile at him. How remiss of her, going about her business getting from a to b and her not smiling at the entitled twat.

Lucylugs · 02/12/2018 21:20

I just say "it has happened" and stare at them.

starzig · 02/12/2018 21:31

It's mainly women that say it to me

Norma27 · 02/12/2018 21:37

I will never understand someone saying that.
For instance today I got a phone call tonight saying my stepdad had been knocked down and killed this afternoon. I have had to contact family around the world to tell them,
If someone said that to me tonight I would probably punch them,

mumonashoestring · 02/12/2018 21:38

I once heard a man say this to a woman who was standing outside the main doors to the A&E unit in floods of tears - proof if I'd ever needed any that these people are absolute wankbadgers.

Merename · 02/12/2018 21:42

Oh yes, ‘fuck right off’ was the phrase that came to mind when I saw your title there. Sexist shite.

So sorry for your bad news. Flowers

skybluee · 02/12/2018 21:46

I've perfected what I call the 'rabid dog face' for situations such as these.

Kokapetl · 02/12/2018 21:46

Opened this thread in the hope that the OP would say "WIBU to punch him in the face then tell him to cheer up".

It is always a nasty thing to say, especially to someone you don't know. Sorry for your sad news.

lovetherisingsun · 02/12/2018 21:47

I had men used to tell me this frequently as a teen, and then when I grew older. The train guard. Random man at bus stop. Random man in street. BUs driver. Random man in the park. etc. Last time it happened "SMILE, LOVE!", said with a smirk on his fucking face, I said "It's the anniversary of my baby;s death. So no, I don't feel like smiling. There are reasons why people don't smile, you know". "Oh, sorry love" (said in a not sorry way). Fucking cunts.

Deadbudgie · 02/12/2018 22:00

So sorry op for your news. My standard response to the “cheer up it might never happen” is it already has thanks I’m still dealing with the resulting ptsd.

Fifthtimelucky · 02/12/2018 22:07

The last time someone said it to me was the day after my mother died.

Thehop · 02/12/2018 22:10

I got told this walking to the car park after ticking my dad up in his hospital bed to be taken to the morgue.

People are dicks. Absolute dicks.

I had it said once since and replied “I used to smile but the pills made me stop” they looked suitably weirded out.

recklessruby · 02/12/2018 22:20

I m sorry for your sad news OP and all who have lost someone and been through this.
It makes me mad these stupid comments!
Last time someone said it to me was the day I found out my beloved cat had been killed by a speeding car and I was trying to hold everything together to get through a working day.
I wish I d thought of a clever comeback but I was too upset. Had been crying for hours and my face was all red and puffy so obviously been crying!
Seeing her little body in the vets was heartbreaking

Amanduh · 02/12/2018 22:23

Yadnbu. I’d tell them. Make them feel like shit. Idiots.
I’m sorry op Flowers

recklessruby · 02/12/2018 22:25

Oh and where I live it's all that you all right? Thing when you meet someone. Even if you're not the answer is fine. You all right?
My friend doesn't get it and says well I've got a headache/bad period/ feel really tired etc...

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 02/12/2018 22:41

Cheer up love, it might never happen

It just has - I met a misogynistic twat.