Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Annoyed at MIL announcing my pregnancy

33 replies

26mcjrfm · 02/12/2018 18:06

So this is our second child, and we told both sets of parents at around 6 weeks but asked them to keep quiet until after 12 week scan just to be sure everything is ok.

My parents have kept true to their word, and my brother, sisters or aunties and uncles etc know.

However, straight away I had messages from DPs sister, aunt and nanny congratulating me. I was slightly pissed off but said nothing as obviously MIL was excited.

I am 12 weeks today, but scan isn't until later on in the week so I still haven't announced, but DPs little cousin (9yo) came to me today chatting about the new baby. It turns out he was told 2 weeks ago! I'm really annoyed that MIL has told him, as (God forbid) anything is wrong, we'll have to tell him. Plus the fact that none of my relations have been told.

I just feel it wasn't MILs business to tell the whole world. Maybe I'm a bundle of emotions at the moment, but would you be annoyed at this?

OP posts:
Original poster
26mcjrfm · 02/12/2018 18:07

*and none of my brother, sisters....

OP posts:
FishesThatFly · 02/12/2018 18:07

Yes l would. It's not their news to tell

Confusedbeetle · 02/12/2018 18:08

It isnt their news to tell. But once you have told someone a secret it is no longer a secret. Not the end of the world

darceybussell · 02/12/2018 18:09

YANBU - it's not her news, and it's not for her to broadcast personal information about you without your permission - personal medical information too!

mummmy2017 · 02/12/2018 18:10

It has happened, so you just limit what you tell her...

Not worth fighting about, moan here instead... Just enjoy telling your side.

Mumof1DS · 02/12/2018 18:11

Yanbu. It's your news to tell. Tell her that. DM'S 'D'P announced mine to family friends. I was very upset, as was my DH.

LilMy33 · 02/12/2018 18:15

YANBU not her news to tell. With people like this I make a mental note that they can’t be trusted with stuff like this in the future.

ThatsWotSheSaid · 02/12/2018 18:16

YANBU she is already showing you she doesn’t care about your preferences and I bet she will be one of those MIL who gives them things you’ve asked her not to and ignores the boundaries etc you put in place.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/12/2018 18:16

I'd be annoyed as well but there's nothing to be done about it now. Now you know you can't trust her so be very careful what you share with her from now on. Lesson learned, hopefully.

LokiBear · 02/12/2018 18:17

I'd be pissed off. You asked them not to say anything, it isnt their news to share. My mum told my uncle and his wife when I was 3 minutes pregnant with dd1 because she was so excited. I'd asked her not to tell anyone so she told them to keep it quiet Hmm. During a visit they spent the entire time grilling me about babies and what our plans were. In hindsight, they knew and were trying to get me to spill. It was an awkward visit and then after they all took the mickey out of me for my 'crap lies'. Its not a big issue, but it is annoying. Second time around, I didnt tell anyone. I lost the baby at 13 weeks and my mum was gutted because she never even knew I was pregnant. Third time, I told them immediately but instructed them not to talk to me or anyone else about it as I was having a hard time dealing with it. She actually listened to me that time.

Littlefrog99 · 02/12/2018 18:23

YNBU. My DM did this with DC1 at 8wks pregnant and it's not as if it was her 1st grandchild, it was her 16th! I was so upset and she just saw it as saving me a job. This time we told her after everyone else at 13 wks.

HoustonBess · 02/12/2018 18:26

YANBU, they broke your boundaries. They might have just not tuned that bit out though in the excitement...

I made it a rule to only tell people who I would also tell if I had a miscarriage or termination. That didn't include either set of parents, sadly.

darceybussell · 02/12/2018 18:27

The worst thing will be if any of those people start splashing stuff all over Facebook and your family members end up finding out via Facebook rather than from you.

Snowwontbelong · 02/12/2018 18:29

Make sure you tell her an outrageous name you intend to call the baby. Let her look an idiot when you reveal the real name when it's born.
Now you know she gets to know nowt!!

user1493413286 · 02/12/2018 18:29

You have every right to be annoyed; you asked her not to tell and she’s broken your trust. I would be telling her that in future you won’t be telling them things that you don’t want shared as you now know that they won’t be kept private

Original poster
26mcjrfm · 02/12/2018 18:40

With our DD we told them at 10 weeks, and they kept their word until after our scan, thankfully, so we didn't think to not trust this time.

Our rule was also we wouldn't tell anyone who we wouldn't tell if we had a miscarriage, and this included both sets of parents and one or two very close friends. Definitely not 9yo cousins!

If there ever happens to be a 3rd baby, we will be telling no-one until after the scan. It just seems a shame. We were so excited telling parents and now it feels like a massive betrayal of trust.

OP posts:
Lizadork · 02/12/2018 18:43

Keep gender and names to yourself too, until ready to reveal. I would be wary of sharing photos until you know how they act with Facebook. If you think anyone is likely to do a birth FB post including DOB or full name with pictures (etc) then I'd start off very wary with my sharing of details with them.

Original poster
26mcjrfm · 02/12/2018 18:44

Thankfully none of us are on Facebook!

OP posts:
PattiStanger · 02/12/2018 18:47

Very poor form on her part, does your DH have a good enough relationship with her to point out how unacceptable it is to announce news you've been specifically told has to wait?

ThanosSavedMe · 02/12/2018 18:49

Have you asked her why she told people when you specifically asked her not to?

ilovekale · 02/12/2018 18:54

That would annoy me big time!

UnknownStuntman · 02/12/2018 19:02

It's a shame she's ruined her chances of meeting the baby...

TidyDancer · 02/12/2018 19:10

You need to treat this as a lesson learned, put her at the back of the queue for any pregnancy updates or anything you don't want widely distributed.

It's not the end of the world though, so shouldn't sour the relationship long term.

Sexnotgender · 02/12/2018 19:15

YANBU, I really bloody hate people who can’t keep stuff to themselves!
It wasn’t her news to share, just never tell her anything again.

Original poster
26mcjrfm · 02/12/2018 19:17

I haven't said anything to her as I was annoyed when DPs sister, aunt and nanny congratulated me, but we're all quite close and although I was annoyed, I didn't want to get in to an argument at a happy time.

MIL wasn't there when I was speaking to cousin today, but I let DPs sister know I wasn't too happy at all.

We're all a very close knit family, and although I'm annoyed, she definitely hasn't ruined her chances of meeting the baby. I'm pissed off, but I doubt it was done out of malice.

OP posts: