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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fwb 23 years age diff is that bad?

46 replies

Coldshoulders · 02/12/2018 14:50

Been seeing this guy who I knew for years n years he's 23 years older than me in 26 and he's 49 is it bad? I myself don't mind as I obviously like him but worried other people may say things x

OP posts:
SerenDippitty · 02/12/2018 14:53

You’re both adults and you are old enough to know what you are doing. I wouldn’t worry about what other people think.

Notacluethisxmas · 02/12/2018 14:57

Not for FWB.

Can't see why it would matter. It may become more of an issue if you wanted to get together in a proper relationship.

NotANotMan · 02/12/2018 14:58

Have you known him since you were a child? That dynamic is very weird

Sirzy · 02/12/2018 15:00

As long as your both otherwise unattached and happy then what else matters?

Just take things slowly and see where it goes. You may find the age gap creates issues of things develop - you may not.

MartaHallard · 02/12/2018 15:01

It may become more of an issue if you wanted to get together in a proper relationship.

I'd agree with that. If you were thinking of a committed relationship, you'd have to think about where you'd both be in 20 or 30 years from now.

Notacluethisxmas · 02/12/2018 15:02

NotANotMan that's a very good point.

MrsCar · 02/12/2018 15:04

It wouldn't be an issue for me, I've always preferred older men

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 02/12/2018 15:11

How long is years and years?

FrowningFlamingo · 02/12/2018 15:13

Wouldn't be for me, he's old enough to be your father.
And definitely weird if he's know you for 'years and years'.
But each to their own I suppose...

domton · 02/12/2018 15:16

For me, fwb, fine as it obviously works for you both. I think the difficulties begin if you are looking for something more in the future: is he going to want children his mid-50s/60s if you do, and the potential from lover to carer at a relatively young age to name but 2.

If you're not looking for anything long-term then enjoy. One last thought that struck me, was please don't let your 20s and 30s go by waiting for something more to happen with him, then realise you've passed up loads of chances of happiness while waiting.

As for other people, pffft. If they are going to judge you they'll find anything to judge you on.

CarrieBlu · 02/12/2018 15:16

Oh, you’re back again trying to be controversial/funny about your FWB situation, are you OP? The oral sex thread had run its course to be fair.

Letsmoveondude · 02/12/2018 15:19

ConfusedHmm you’ve known him years and years?

Hmm. Yeah that’s a bit questionable really.

But I feel the need to ask, what was the basis of him knowing you for years and years? Because I can only think that him knowing you for so long would point to him being a teacher, or a friend of older family members, which would both be really quite strange.

I’m also questioning the concern about what people will think- if it’s FWB then why would people know? That sounds more like a relationship.

Also with that question I’m concerned that maybe you are tho long about this in a different way to him and you might be being taken advantage of.

Letsmoveondude · 02/12/2018 15:21

Carrieblu- is it really the same OP?

Cherries101 · 02/12/2018 15:22

How how have you known him? I’d question both of your motives if he’s known you since you were a kid.

PatriciaHolm · 02/12/2018 15:23

Thought you had deleted his number?

CarrieBlu · 02/12/2018 15:42

Letsmoveondude yes.

Veganfortheanimals · 02/12/2018 15:47

Is this the oral sex poster? You sounded desperate on the other thread...don't think your going to get what you want with him.

Ellie56 · 02/12/2018 15:48

From what some posters are saying there is some back story here.

But I agree that if you've known him since you were a child and you're now contemplating a relationship with him that definitely seems a bit weird... Hmm

JacquesHammer · 02/12/2018 15:52

If you’re “seeing him” he’s not a FWB.

I don’t think a FWB is healthy for you

CarrieBlu · 02/12/2018 15:54

Ellie56 yeah, there’s a backstory of bullshit.

user1473878824 · 02/12/2018 17:26

Isn’t this the guy that dumped you because you told him to and then were shocked when he did because you assumed he’d be grovelling grateful because he’s older than you?

Notacluethisxmas · 02/12/2018 18:22

Is this the guy who you have been shagging for 6 years?

stevie69 · 02/12/2018 18:35

Other people can get lost, to put it politely.

Are you both single? Happy with the arrangement? Yes? Then enjoy.

I''m 51 and my FWB is 25. We're enjoying it.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 02/12/2018 18:46

I personally don't believe in the term " friends with benefits". But if you are both happy and enjoying it then it's fine.

JacquesHammer · 02/12/2018 18:48

I personally don't believe in the term " friends with benefits"

How do you mean?

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