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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say something about friends DD?

54 replies

Youmadorwhat · 02/12/2018 12:23

The last three pictures of her it’s very clear she has problems with her eyes! They turn in towards her nose (I don’t know what that is called) she’s 5 and in school (UK) so I’m unsure if school will have picked up in it and if they would even suggest an eye check?
So I talk to her not very often any more but when we do it’s over texting but whenever I am in the U.K. we meet up, in fact her add is my goddaughter. Should I say something or ask? I don’t want to interfere but I equally don’t want her DD have this overlooked? 😩

OP posts:
Walnutsandsquirrels · 02/12/2018 14:42

It's surprising how easy it is to miss things with your own children because you see them every day

I pointed out something physically obvious to a parent of an eleven year old and he was genuinely surprised, but grateful. He explained it by saying that she looked perfect to him which I thought was rather sweet.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 02/12/2018 14:49

I know that the school nursing team come to school and do eye tests yearly in this authority but you’d be amazed how many parents refuse permission for ANY of these FREE HEALTH checks! I’ve also heard of schools declining to be part of the system because teachers “don’t like the disruption”.

Coyoacan · 02/12/2018 14:52

I think your mum should ask her friend of her dd is getting treatment for her eye.

Beeziekn33ze · 02/12/2018 15:02

Best to say something. A friend had a patch as an infant but their DP didn't bother about them wearing it. They lost the sight of an eye.

AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 02/12/2018 15:04

How do you know her parents haven't taken her to the GP about this already? But certainly as a friend there would be no harm in mentioning it. It's quite common but if it's so noticeable I am sure school/healthcare providers will have already picked it up?

Beeziekn33ze · 02/12/2018 15:07

Buggeroff
What are (some of!) our schools coming to? Gradually school checks of eyes, ears, teeth and general health have reduced from what was normal over 50 years ago.
I'm guessing that the parents are alarmed that someone might touch their child and the teachers are too busy stressing about tick boxes and SATs.

GraceBleakle · 02/12/2018 15:08

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Strugglingtodomybest · 02/12/2018 15:08

I'd say something. If it was one of mine, I'd want to know.

ittakes2 · 02/12/2018 15:08

I would tell her - I had something similar as a child - with some conditions there is a small window to get the eye sorted before it can't be sorted anymore.

Judashascomeintosomemoney · 02/12/2018 15:18

OP it’s called Esotropia Strabismus and it can develop in young children after the age where they will have had a lot of medical attention from HV etc so it is perfectly possible it has only just started to develop and has been missed by school and even her mum up til now. Do mention it, but obviously find a nice way of asking. Best wishes to you and your GDD

bringbackthestripes · 02/12/2018 15:22

Please mention something. I worked for several years in an opticians and one parent (finally) brought her child in. She HAD noticed the turn in one eye but had put off booking an appointment. When she left the optom told us she had brought the child in far too late and that there was nothing that could be done now to help the vision in that eye and an operation would be purely cosmetic. Child was 7. Very sad.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/12/2018 15:23

Dd has never had any tests performed on her at school - no routine eye test for her so I have taken her to the optician.

noplease · 02/12/2018 15:27

I would say something, the earlier a squint is treated the more likely it is to be treated successfully. Once a child gets to around the age of 7 it's unlikely to be able to be corrected, ultimately leaving them with poorer vision in that eye which can limit them in the future for example if they wanted to go for certain jobs where good eyesight required in both eyes.
Children are very old at accommodating their vision if they're long sighted and even if they don't have a noticeable turn in their eyes it's a good idea to get a full eyetest for them as it's not something that would necessarily be picked up in a simple school sight check as they will accommodate to read the letters. Optometrists have ways of relaxing their eyes so can check if they need a prescription properly.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 02/12/2018 15:32

Buggeroff
What are (some of!) our schools coming to? Gradually school checks of eyes, ears, teeth and general health have reduced from what was normal over 50 years ago.
I'm guessing that the parents are alarmed that someone might touch their child and the teachers are too busy stressing about tick boxes and SATs.

I know! We had the dental team in last week checking all children aged 5 and under, so reception and some of year 1. We had to get parental permission ... 10 parents refused permission and several more simply didn’t return their slips (despite being chased) so those children couldn’t be checked. I am horrified by the state of some of these tiny children’s teeth, some of them literally have blackened stumps! 😢

Fortunately at my school ALL staff are concerned for the well-being of the child as a whole so I don’t hear any complaints about children being out of class for these checks.... which are literally a few minutes.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 02/12/2018 15:32

A friend, who used to travel a lot with her husband and child and was hardly ever in the UK, only found out her toddler was partially deaf and problems with his eyes after someone pointed out he'd not reacted much to a loud sound.

It was very obvious once it was pointed out about the hearing but the sight problems were a surprise. The child was very well looked after but they'd had no tests done since birth.

snowflakealert · 02/12/2018 15:38

My friend's dd has a slight cast in one eye. As far as I know, it hasn't had any intervention at all, and she's a young adult now.

Yorkshirepudding1987 · 02/12/2018 15:40

We noticed a squint in one of DC eyes just after he turned 1. It was intermittent but he was referred to local hospital where they discovered he is very long sighted. He now wears glasses (Has since 15 months old) which will hopefully correct the squint.
The optometrist told us that if attempts aren't made to correct it prior to them bring 7, it can permanently damage their eye sight.
I would ask her if she was being treated

dementedpixie · 02/12/2018 15:44

Why not just ask if her dd has ever been to the optician. If she says yes then the squint will probably be known about. If she says no then I'd say that you had noticed a turn in the eyes and advise she makes an appointment

dementedpixie · 02/12/2018 15:46

And my dd had a squint thst I noticed at 18 months. She ended up with glasses due to long sight and still has them now age 15

Mydogisforlife · 02/12/2018 15:56

You don't know the medical history. Mind your own business

The OP is a concerned family friend and godmother to the child. I hope you've now read all the other posts explaining why it could be helpful to tactfully mention it.

HexagonalBattenburg · 02/12/2018 16:01

DD2's squint got by two bloody referrals to the orthoptics department before one staff member noticed there was actually an eye alignment issue there! It's something that's really hard to work out if there is or isn't sometimes - especially if you see the child every single day - DD2 has two issues with hers - a slight in-turn which isn't really noticeable unless you see a photograph of her and then it could still just look like she was over-concentrating, and an up-turn when she looks to the side which IS very noticeable.

Marcipex · 02/12/2018 16:04

Do say something. My health visitor insisted DD didn't have a squint . She was extremely bullying and said a lot of Who is the experienced one dear, you or me? Etc.
Eventually a family friend who was a GP asked me what they were doing about her eye.
I was furious about the serious delay in treatment. I mentioned it to the health visitor who then insisted I had never consulted her.

Parques · 02/12/2018 16:11

My son had corrective surgery when he had just turned 3. Lots of very well meaning people pointed out his squints before this. I wasn't offended as their intentions were genuine and he was already under the hospital etc. to get them corrected.

Bluntness100 · 02/12/2018 16:13

Why don't you text something like

"Gosh she's so grown up looking. Can I ask, what treatment is she getting for her eyes, one of my friends kids is going through some tests at the moment" and leave it there.

Of course she could just be messing around in pics.

Original poster
Youmadorwhat · 02/12/2018 16:43

She is definitely not messing around they are all different pics taken on different days. One was even her school photo 😩

OP posts: