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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH says I'm so evil for not wanting to get out of bed to let dogs out

50 replies

doeswhatitsaysonthetin · 02/12/2018 11:24

DH woke me at 2.45am to tell me that the dogs were whining and wanted to go outside, saying he did it last time. I'm a heavy sleeper and it takes me a while to wake up. While I was getting my dressing gown on I happened to say that this is another reason I don't want any more dogs. He said "why are you so evil?" because he thinks I should just be happy to put them first in everything and that anyone else would do the same. Have to say that we both love them equally and they have a great life but they've been a constant source of arguments between us since we've had them (15 years in all).

Who is being unreasonable here?

OP posts:
woolduvet · 02/12/2018 11:25

Get a dog flap?

HollowTalk · 02/12/2018 11:26

I can't believe he woke you up when he was awake anyway. I can see the point if there's a baby crying, because it'll take quite a bit of time to deal with them, but surely it would only take a couple of minutes to let the dogs out?

Snappymcsnappy · 02/12/2018 11:29

Why not put them them out just before bed so they shouldn’t need to go during the night?

Junkmail · 02/12/2018 11:29

Why are your dogs asking to go outside at that time? Are they adults dogs or puppies? Are they unwell? If they are needing to toilet during the night I would have a vet look at them to see if there’s anything that can be done to improve bladder control. I have three adult dogs—they go to bed between eleven and midnight and don’t stir until around seven. If there’s nothing medically wrong with the dogs then they need to be taught a new routine because this is really unnecessary.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 02/12/2018 11:30

How many times a night do your dogs wake you up, if he'd already done it?

Our dogs made it through the night when I was a kid; there's no way my parents would have entertained getting out of bed to let them out.

CovenofMiLsfromHades · 02/12/2018 11:31

I hardly ever have to let my adult dogs out in the night, unless they are ill. Even my mum's little dog can last the night if let out last thing. Could this be a training issue?

Fairylea · 02/12/2018 11:31

Completely off topic but if I had dogs that I’ve had for 15 years and they were waking up regularly to be let out at 2.45am I’d go insane!

LuvSmallDogs · 02/12/2018 11:33

Is this recent behaviour, needing to get up and pee in the night? My chihuahua can last until 6-7 if let out at 22-2300.

Birdsgottafly · 02/12/2018 11:34

My DD has got a French Bulldog, the amount of times it has to go the toilet is ridiculous.

I had German Shapherds and they didn't need seeing to in the night.

It's bloody annoying when I'm babysitting and my GC sleep through, but the dog doesn't.

Miggeldy · 02/12/2018 11:35

Don't get any more dogs.

Alfie190 · 02/12/2018 11:35

We take the dogs out last thing at night, say 11pm and then they will last until the morning. The younger one would sleep in until 8 or 9 if not disturbed, the older one is more of an early riser but will still make it until about 6am. Getting up at 2:45am is a bit much!

itsfuckingnotducking · 02/12/2018 11:36

Yeah Id be losing it if I had to get up regularly for this. My dogs fall asleep when we do and don't budge until we're up. Often they stay in bed and ignore us.

Witchend · 02/12/2018 12:00

Hmm. I'm on the other side of this (albeit without pets).
Once dh is asleep he is fast asleep, and doesn't wake. I tend to wake if even one of the dc goes to the toilet (they're all secondary school age so I'm not needed).
The dc know that dh won't wake easily, so even if it's something he would deal better with, they will come to me.

If one of the dc (or he) has to be somewhere early in the morning, then I have a choice. Either I get up and do it. Dh doesn't even stir in bed. Or if he says he'll do it, then it goes like this.
His alarm goes off. I wake up. It continues going off. I poke him. He doesn't stir. On about the third or fourth poke he stirs gently. I tell him his alarm is going off. He switches it onto snooze.
Repeat 1-2 times more.
By this point I'm realising that if he doesn't move shortly child will be late. So I point this out. he rolls over and slowly puts on his watch...

It's easier to just get up and do it myself. If I've got up, he isn't disturbed at all, doesn't even notice me getting up. I can get all three children and me out of the house (and have been able to since they were babies) without his even noticing we've gone. If he gets up, by the time he's up and out I'm thoroughly woken up myself.
However sometimes I labour the point and go through it.

He's very good once he's awake Grin

But I do occasionally get my own back. I've had a couple of times when I've had to come back after dropping the children off at school rather than going straight to work. I like to creep in quietly, alter the clock and shout "why are you still here? It's two o'clock in the afternoon, why aren't you at work?"
It's never failed to have him leaping up in a flat panic. Grin

Shitshitshitshit · 02/12/2018 12:57

I find it crazy that your dogs are waking up at that time?! Are they adult dogs?

We have a 5 month old puppy and he's been holding his bladder through the night for weeks now. He goes out at around 11pm and sleeps in until we wake up. Yesterday he didn't get up until 10am!

No you aren't evil that would wind me up no end getting out of bed at that time to let the dogs out. They should be capable of holding through the night especially if they are adult dogs.

Original poster
doeswhatitsaysonthetin · 02/12/2018 13:01

@witchend Grin

I know there are two sides to the story but he really meant it when he said "you're so evil" like he hated me! I don't like getting up at that time of night, I can't lie, but I AIBU to be able to have a little moan about it without being called evil?

OP posts:
Shitlandpony · 02/12/2018 13:07

I have perfectly healthy dogs and occasionally they need letting out during the night. I am very healthy and equally sometimes need to.
Dogs are not robots and if they need to go, it’s not necessarily a ‘training’ or health issue.

Strongmummy · 02/12/2018 13:09

Your husband sounds like a tool.

greendale17 · 02/12/2018 13:15

YABU- Your husband is probably fed up of having to do it all the time.

smackbangwhollop · 02/12/2018 13:16

Most adult dogs should be able to last the night if you let them out before bed. If not maybe they need checked over by a vet. A well trained dog will hold it. However if you pop down every time they make a noise you have unintentionally conditioned them to do this.They have trained you.

What happens if you don't go down?

What time do you feed them?

It may be that you need to tweak their routine so they don't need out during the night i.e feed them no later than 6pm or pick the water up at 9pm.

Your partner on the other hand is showing his selfish inconsiderate side by keeping tabs. Not an admirable character trait. Hmm

Shitshitshitshit · 02/12/2018 13:16

greendale17 at no point has it been suggested that OPs husband does it all the time. OP was getting up to do it and made a remark that she didn't want anymore dogs. That doesn't make her evil or unreasonable.

Celebelly · 02/12/2018 13:17

I think if it's happening often enough to cause arguments then it might be worth investigating why.

We've got up a handful of times in the night over the years when our dog has been poorly and needed out, but because it's so sporadic we probably wouldn't even remember who did it each time - it's just whoever hears it, as if she's crying then she needs out right away so I wouldn't be wasting time with faffing about waking DP up - I get up and sprint down those stairs!

BiteyShark · 02/12/2018 13:20

Maybe at that time of the morning he took your 'not wanting anymore dogs' to be insinuating 'not wanting these dogs anymore'.

My dog someone's asks to be let out at night but he does have a stomach problem so I just accept it and get up even though I always let him out about 11pm.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 02/12/2018 13:28

How come they're waking in the night for a wee? Are they puppies or old?

rookiemere · 02/12/2018 13:33

Interesting that he chose to wake you up when he was already awake.
Why have the dogs caused arguments over the years if you both wanted them?

If you have decided that when the day comes you don't want another Ddog and your DH is desperate for one or two, then you need to make it clear that he is going to be the primary carer and that includes all night wakings.

BlimeyCalmDown · 02/12/2018 13:37

My 7yr old small dog would easily go 12hrs if I let him.

The evil bit sounds like it's just him being angry at having to insist you take your turn. The unreasonable bit appears to be why they need to go out at that time (I'm presuming they don't have a medical condition?).

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