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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH says I'm so evil for not wanting to get out of bed to let dogs out

50 replies

doeswhatitsaysonthetin · 02/12/2018 11:24

DH woke me at 2.45am to tell me that the dogs were whining and wanted to go outside, saying he did it last time. I'm a heavy sleeper and it takes me a while to wake up. While I was getting my dressing gown on I happened to say that this is another reason I don't want any more dogs. He said "why are you so evil?" because he thinks I should just be happy to put them first in everything and that anyone else would do the same. Have to say that we both love them equally and they have a great life but they've been a constant source of arguments between us since we've had them (15 years in all).

Who is being unreasonable here?

OP posts:

gamerchick · 02/12/2018 13:38

OP why do the dogs want to be out during the night?

As for your bloke, it sounds as if there's more to it than him calling you evil.

tabulahrasa · 02/12/2018 13:43

Well I don’t think it’s evil not to want more dogs...

I think it’s a bit odd that anyone would be getting up to let dogs out in the middle of the night that it would be a factor in deciding that.

Can’t say I’ve ever got up to let a healthy adult dog out...

gamerchick · 02/12/2018 13:50

I dont think the OP wants to tell is why the dogs get let out at night. I'd be nipping that shit asap. Healthy dogs can learn to wait and that nights are for sleeping.

rookiemere · 02/12/2018 13:57

I believe dogs are elderly - 15 yrs old from original post. Presumably the waking up at night is a new thing and caused by their age, so there may not be any way of stopping it.

Purplejay · 02/12/2018 14:02

We have 2 dogs, both adult and healthy. One could go 12 hours. The other whines to go out in the night more often than not. If he whines and I don’t get up he will bark. I have tried ignoring him. He will not be placated. He always has a wee when he is let out. He does not want to do it in the house. They both go out before I go to bed. The getter upper will always come down around 6-7 to go out again. The other one often doesn’t get up until breakfast time 8am.

If your DH was already awake he should have let your dog out OP. It seems a bit unfair to wake you if you were sleeping. When my H was still here, whoever was awake would get up. We didn’t take turns or keep score. He is unreasonable to call you evil!

Lazypuppy · 02/12/2018 14:33

I've had my dog nearly 3 years, and once we were past thr puppy stage 5 months or so, i have never had to let dog out in the middle of the nigbt

Shitlandpony · 02/12/2018 14:47

Purplejay most sensible comment on here. All the dog experts ignoring what the OP is really about and claiming for a fact that because their dog can go three days without needing a wee due to superior training

It’s not what the op was asking but yes, like humans, some dogs have weaker bladders than others. Irritable bladders or are old.

The issue is the relationship not whether the op is a useless dog owner.

GraceBleakle · 02/12/2018 15:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Santasushi · 02/12/2018 15:13

Is there a reason that they are barking to go out during the night?

Original poster

doeswhatitsaysonthetin · 02/12/2018 15:39

They are nine and seven years old, I meant in my op that we've had dogs for a total of fifteen years and it's always been the same - it's not about just getting up at night, he puts the dogs needs first in everything and gets nasty with me because I don't always agree that we should, like @shitlandpony said, it's more about the two of us than the dogs IYSWIM.

OP posts:

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 02/12/2018 15:42

Why are they needing to go out though?

Veterinari · 02/12/2018 15:42

If your dogs are 9 and 7 why can’t they last through the night?

knowsmorethansnow · 02/12/2018 15:58

Why didn't he just let them out ?

Original poster

doeswhatitsaysonthetin · 02/12/2018 16:14

They are both perfectly capable of going through the night without going out and they usually do. The point is, I don't like being woken up in the night, but I still do it, and if I have a little moan about it, I'm so evil. There are a few reasons I don't want anymore dogs, one being that we haven't had a holiday together in five years, not even a weekend away.

OP posts:

knowsmorethansnow · 02/12/2018 16:30

I still don't understand why he couldn't let the dog out.

CovenofMiLsfromHades · 02/12/2018 16:51

I agree its a relationship problem rather than just about the dogs but it is so unusual to have to let your dog out in the middle of the night regularly enough to take turns that it immediately jumped out at me. Yes a puppy, old or sick dog but I just dont think dogs would be such popular pets if this was common for all dogs. The holidays thing is the same, very unusual not to go on holidays at all because of your dog. Why not a dog friendly holiday at least. Even calling someone "evil" seems odd.
I'm putting all this oddness down to the dh esp after the updates. Is he strange in other ways OP or just about the dogs?

BiteyShark · 02/12/2018 17:29

Whilst I get up in the night to take my dog out if he asks I have sometimes nudged DH to do it instead to give me a break. I would not be pleased if he grumbled about doing it once in a while so I kind of get where he is coming from

However, it sounds like you are both on completely the opposite pages regarding the dogs and this is causing stress. Would couples counselling help where you could both address how you look after them, whether more dogs are off the tables for the future and also about the lack of current holidays?

IJustLostTheGame · 02/12/2018 17:31

He woke you up to make you take the dogs out? Why didn't he just do it himself if he was that concerned?

Original poster

doeswhatitsaysonthetin · 02/12/2018 17:55

He can be controlling and critical and saying I'm evil is an example of it. I feel like I'm nervous around him, trying to get things done in the house before he gets back for example, to avoid his criticism and his "disappointment" in me (he doesn't actually say he's disappointed though, it's just implied in his manner).

Is he odd in other ways? He's got 153 shirts/t-shirts, about 40 pairs of socks, 30 pairs of boxers - does stuff like that seem odd to you, or is it just me?

OP posts:

Zebedee88 · 02/12/2018 17:58

He was awake, if he cares so much about the dogs then he should have just let them out.

Perch · 02/12/2018 18:20

Why on earth are you with him?

blueshoes · 02/12/2018 18:41

Yes, he does seem odd and quite unpleasant.

You should not have to walk on egg shells in your own house. You are not evil to not want to have dogs if your dh expects you to wake up and let the dogs out at 2.45 am rather than do it himself since he is awake.

Does he treat you with contempt and like a second class citizen?

tabulahrasa · 02/12/2018 18:57

Regularly getting up in the night to let them out and not being able to go away aren’t standard parts of dog ownership...

So when you say he puts the dogs’ needs first, well he’s not, he’s imposing random things on you and blaming the dogs.

RhiWrites · 02/12/2018 19:10

It’s all in the tone.

“Why are you so evil?” could only said in a jokey way around here. But if it’s being said nastily then that’s not good at all.

itsfuckingnotducking · 02/12/2018 20:09

Why are you still with him?

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