AIBU to by ds a mobile when dh says no?

[Italianmeringuebuttercream]

I have gone ahead and got ds whos in y7, a monthly contract phone linked to my bill. It's a fairly good deal but that's not the issue. Dh says he'll be a target for thieves and it'll make him more socially introverted (he already barely talks when we're with family etc). My dm and dsis say if all his friends have one he'll be left out (he's already very shy and finds it difficult to make new friends). He's never asked for anything expensive before - football kits, specific trainers etc so that's why I went ahead as I also agree with dm! But now dh is not happy as I've gone against his wishes. For the record I didn't know he felt this strongly as we hadn't really talked about it. Sorry for the long post, long time lurker 1st time poster. Wwyd?

Sandy yes he asked as soon as he started secondary school. I said we'll think about it and perhaps he might get one for Christmas or birthday (Jan). He has recently said he hasn't put a phone on his Christmas wish list because he's already put what he thinks is too much (2 cheap ps4 games and a Lego set). He's such a good boy and doesn't ask for expensive things ever. I really don't think he'll even care if he got my old phone!

I don’t think it’s unreasonable that he has a phone.

I think it’s massively unreasonable that you went behind his back without bothering to discuss it properly.

Update....
Dh said he's going to talk to ds today regarding a phone (ds is unaware I've got one...) so he might be keeping it. I am going to change the contract though. I think 4gigs of data is too much. I only have 2!

He’s going to be no more a target for thieves than anyone else with a phone-which is pretty much everyone in the country over 10!

I got my daughter a phone when she was about the same age, she was one of the last in her year group to get one.

At that age they're becoming more independent and a phone is very useful. She's never had a top of the range one! Mostly hand me downs of my old phone, she's using an iPhone 5 right now, my husband and I both have 6s and she'll get one of ours when we get something new but that won't be any time soon.

Does it really matter if a kid gets 'laughed at' for not having the latest phone. Kids should have a bit of individuality and resilience rather than mindless sheep.

I would also be concerned about his tech ability. Phones are part of daily life now.

I got my DD one in year 6 and all her friends already had one.

Being the only one without something that is so commonplace can affect children on other ways too.

As for being a target for thieves...how many of his friends or people at school have had their phones stolen.

You can't protect kids from everything or they won't be streetwise. They need to start experiencing things themselves.

I have a friend who doesn't buy into modern tech.

Her own phone is a battered Nokia...that you cab only text and talk on. One of those cheap 10 quid phones.

I told her all the kids in high school would have phones and when it comes to planning social outings her DS could end up being excluded because he's not in the WhatsApp group chat or he misses change of plans.

What also has happened with one person I know... the child saved up and bought herself a phone. She hid it from her parents who only found out she had one when an incident at school happened.

It needs monitoring and you need access to it if he gets one.

Thank you all so much for your replies. Dh has had a chat with ds. He asked him if he really thought a phone was necessary right now. He told him the monthly cost. Ds was unaware of how much it all added up to. He was given the option of keeping the phone of having the monthly cost go into a bank account that he could use however he wished. As we haven't really done regular pocket money yet, he chose to have the money instead! I've returned the phone and all is good. We'll revisit in a year or so. Thanks again. Lesson learnt here, I won't go behind hubby's back again!

Sandy, he's fine with tech. We have a Samsung tablet and a ps4 which he regularly uses

I am really against smart phones. Wish the stupid things had never been invented and had several arguments with 12 year old dd today about her being on her phone while she was supposed to be doing homework.

However, the reality is that unless I take her to live on an isolated island somewhere, she needs a phone as that’s how she communicates with her friends. My view is that year 7 is the time kids do need a phone.