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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to by ds a mobile when dh says no?

60 replies

Italianmeringuebuttercream · 02/12/2018 08:12

I have gone ahead and got ds whos in y7, a monthly contract phone linked to my bill. It's a fairly good deal but that's not the issue. Dh says he'll be a target for thieves and it'll make him more socially introverted (he already barely talks when we're with family etc). My dm and dsis say if all his friends have one he'll be left out (he's already very shy and finds it difficult to make new friends). He's never asked for anything expensive before - football kits, specific trainers etc so that's why I went ahead as I also agree with dm! But now dh is not happy as I've gone against his wishes. For the record I didn't know he felt this strongly as we hadn't really talked about it. Sorry for the long post, long time lurker 1st time poster. Wwyd?

OP posts:
UnknownStuntman · 02/12/2018 08:58

As is often said on MN, why should your DH's no trump your yes?

"I've decided we're having a baby"

In my mind, it doesn't matter who says no, that's the decision regardless of the situation. If one partner has a genuine reason for not doing something then it doesn't get done.

You can guarantee if OP had said no, and DH had done it anyway, the amount of namecalling the poor bloke would have had would be ridiculous.

Original poster
Italianmeringuebuttercream · 02/12/2018 09:04

You all have been a massive help so thank you. I have been talking with dh this am. In fact I have read him this thread. It's been very enlightening for him I think. We'll obviously discuss it more and like a pp said, it will definitely be returned if we don't both agree. I just have to convince him now!

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 02/12/2018 09:10

Can I put the new contract sim in an old phone

Depends if the old phone is unlocked (not tied to a particular network) and that it is the correct sized SIM card as some are bigger than others.

Dd uses her phone to record what homework she has and on some occasions has had to take pictures of workbook pages as there weren't enough books for all to take one home!
There are also homework groups set up between friends.

Donna1001 · 02/12/2018 09:12

OP, yes as long as the phone is either unlocked or on the same network as the SIM.

southnownorth · 02/12/2018 09:13

He needs a phone really. My dd is in year 7 and they use theirs in PE sometimes for the fitness apps.

Most of the others have the latest iphones already.

Birdsgottafly · 02/12/2018 09:17

The Sims these days come to fit all phones, you snap out the size you need.

How old is the phone and what make? You don't want to set him up to have the piss taken out of him.

For anyone struggling the huawei phones starting from £120 are good phones.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/12/2018 09:18

I wouldn’t put the sim in an old Nokia. That will prevent him from communicating via WhatsApp etc.

Original poster
Italianmeringuebuttercream · 02/12/2018 09:19

It's a Samsung about 4 years old. It was on the same contract...
Thanks x

OP posts:
AuntMarch · 02/12/2018 09:26

Hopefully you and DH will reach a compromise of use (not at dinner/family gatherings and not in the bedroom overnight is what I tell myself!)

diddl · 02/12/2018 09:27

When is all this Whatsapping done that he needs to be part of so as not to be a social outcast?

If he's so close to home, can't he leave the phone at home if the worry is about it being stolen?

Gigglebrain · 02/12/2018 09:29

Most yr 7 will have a phone. My ds keeps his in his pocket when he’s out and about, it’s turned off and downstairs overnight, and not allowed when we’re eating.
It’s handy for WhatsApp groups, homework apps etc...

Petalflowers · 02/12/2018 09:33

Probably 99.9% of year 7s have phones nowadays, and he’ll be more likely teased for not having one. Teenagers communicate by phones. I don’t think he’ll be atarget as so many teens have phones nowadays.

Maybe dh hasn’t realised how normal they are for youngsters nowadays.

BlueJava · 02/12/2018 09:37

I think pretty much all children have phones by yr11. Regarding your DH's worries about him being a target for thieves he doesn't have to get it out when he is walking down the road. There have been a few snatches here, I have just told my boys to not get their phones out in the street unless essential.

The real problem seems to be to get DH to agree to it - does the school use apps for homework diaries (instead of paper ones) - our school does which meakes it essential.

busybarbara · 02/12/2018 09:39

Since every kid that age has a phone I don't see how it makes him any more of a target. Besides, that's just victim blaming, you wouldn't tell a girl not to wear a skirt because there are creepy men out there. YANBU

Printerneedsink · 02/12/2018 09:46

If schools use apps for PE and homework, what happens to those you can't afford/don't want a phone? Schools is meant to be free!

Original poster
Italianmeringuebuttercream · 02/12/2018 09:47

Blue java, no he has a paper one although they do use the show my homework app but we have a tablet he can use for that. I suppose I am so conflicted because on reflection he actually does not need a phone. He just wants one. As dh pointed out, he has a ps4 which he uses to communicate with friends, so isn't essentially out if the loop iyswim?

OP posts:
Original poster
Italianmeringuebuttercream · 02/12/2018 09:48

Printer I totally agree!

OP posts:
masterandmargarita · 02/12/2018 09:49

He needs a phone in pe for fitness apps?! How about just moving around in an active fashion

Petalflowers · 02/12/2018 10:17

Surely Christmas is about having things you want, rather than need.

Also, as others have said above, it’s the social norm to have a phone for teens today.

Why are you so against it?

Original poster
Italianmeringuebuttercream · 02/12/2018 10:35

Petal I'm not against it as such it's my dh who is. I feel he is a bit young (11 nearly 12) but giving it to him now will get him used to using it when he feels ready to venture out alone with his mates (he's not done this yet - his choice!) As in, he'll hopefully be over the novelty and won't keep getting it out!

OP posts:
Classicfm · 02/12/2018 10:38

Not having a phone will severely isolate your son.

In Year 7 every single child has a phone these days.

Your dh is being ridiculous.

missperegrinespeculiar · 02/12/2018 10:43

I am amazed at all the people saying all 11 year olds have phones these days. My DS doesn't, nor do any of his friends, and none of us have any plans to get them one until they are 13

small city school

do these things vary much area by area? I had no idea we were so different in our circle!

Petalflowers · 02/12/2018 10:49

At age 11/12, he’s not too young, and in this area, everyone gets a phone sometime during year 6, in readiness for starting senior school. It’s almost a rite of passage.

Aridane · 02/12/2018 10:52

As is often said on MN, why should your DH's no trump your yes?

As is not often said on mumsnet, why should your yes trump your husband’s no? Grin

SandyY2K · 02/12/2018 11:05

Get him a Nokia so he doesn’t get bullied all the time or look at violent porn.

He's more likely to get laughed at with a crap phone.

I don't know anyone that age without a phone... but has your DS asked for a phone?