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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is dh being unreasonable

52 replies

poptartprincess · 01/12/2018 15:34

I've just been making cupcakes. I got some different cases and they seemed to be made of card. He just went mental at me for putting the cupcakes in the oven. He thinks I don't think and I did it to annoy him. He says I risked pissing him off if they caught fire. I said no I just put some cupcakes in the oven not everything revolves around him. He said I never listen and I don't care what he wants. He's now left me with DD and stormed off upstairs. Who's being the unreasonable one here.

OP posts:
MoaningSickness · 01/12/2018 16:22

The fact that he thinks the only issue with a fire is 'pissing him off', not the danger to the household speaks volumes. Add to the fact that he's so thick he thinks cupcake cases shouldn't go in the oven...

... Why are you with this nasty stupid man exactly?

Oldraver · 01/12/2018 16:32

I reckon your mental health will improve immeasurably if you got rid of him

CuriousaboutSamphire · 01/12/2018 16:35

Ooh! You can't live like that! You're already making yourself his excuse for being a total twat!

I too think you're mental health will improve once you manage to extricate him from your everday life. Nobody needs someone who uses their ill health against them. Weaponising your weakness is a diabolically nasty thing to do!

diddl · 01/12/2018 16:40

" He kind of uses my mental health and behaviours to his advantage."

That is unbeliveably nasty.

Omzlas · 01/12/2018 17:35

Anyone who uses your MH to make you feel bad or themselves feel better isn't worth your time, energy, or 'pinch of salt'

If he's going off alarming over cupcake holders, you have bigger problems OP

Good luck Flowers

Original poster
poptartprincess · 01/12/2018 22:39

We got into a huge row. I said I'd leave if things didn't change. He said the only way he can change is if I change because the way he acts is a reaction to me. The worse my mental health gets the worse his reaction.

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 02/12/2018 00:24

No, the only way things can change is if he changes the way he reacts to you. You can't help it, he can. He's a wanker, this is his problem, not yours.

AcrossthePond55 · 02/12/2018 00:56

What he's actually saying is that you need to do everything his way and never question him. That's 'changing' to him. But obviously that's not something that is right of him to demand of you.

If you want my opinion, I think you need to leave. He isn't good for your mental health, and you are never going to 'please' him whilst being true to yourself and living in the way you need to be healthy and happy.

Mrskeats · 02/12/2018 01:02

He sounds awful. What a drama over nothing.

LagunaBubbles · 02/12/2018 01:06

The worse my mental health gets the worse his reaction

I have a feeling your mental health may improve if you're not with him.

BlackeyedGruesome · 02/12/2018 01:07

I'm with across the pond. I suspect your mental health will improve drastically if you lost the git.

Hubblebubbletripletrouble · 02/12/2018 01:29

It's 100% him. You are not the bad one here. Please go over to the relationships board, there is so much support over there and you sound like you need it. You deserve to be happy in your home Flowers

FrogOfFrogHall · 02/12/2018 04:18

Do you definitely have mental health issues? It sounds like your "unstable emotions" are actually a pretty normal response to him treating you like shit. He sounds like he thinks he is centre of the universe and should be obeyed at all times.

Sashkin · 02/12/2018 04:26

Does he also complain when the soap gets wet, and worry about the roof being exposed to the elements?

Cupcake holders are meant to go into the oven. That is what they are designed for. If he is too thick to understand how cooking works, that’s his issue not yours.

Feefeetrixabelle · 02/12/2018 10:05

Tell him to jog on then because he’s the issue not your mental health. How can he possibly blame your mental health issues for thrhibking cake cases will set fire to the house. Suggest a trial separation

CoughLaughFart · 02/12/2018 11:17

Has he never heard of baking paper? What the fuck does he think that’s made from? The clue is in the name...

As someone else said earlier, it seems very odd that his comment was ‘you risked pissing me off’ rather than ‘you risked setting the kitchen on fire’. I’d also be concerned that he’s talking about the way you make him behave.

Categoric · 02/12/2018 11:21

Anyone else think that the OP might have better mental health if she lived wth a DH who was kind to her?

Knittink · 02/12/2018 11:24

He sounds borderline abusive and also very thick if he thinks there are cupcake cases that can't go in the oven. It's not you that's the problem OP, it's him.

Racmactac · 02/12/2018 11:32

I bet your mental health would improve significantly if you didn't have him in your life acting like a cock

itsfuckingnotducking · 02/12/2018 11:39

Leave him. Your mental health will improve without his manipulative bullshit.

BorisAndDoris · 02/12/2018 11:59

Well for gods sake don't tell him baking paper and paper cupcake cases are made of.....

You guessed it. Paper. Paper would be higher on the list of "shit that will set on fire quicker if you tried to light it"

BorisAndDoris · 02/12/2018 12:00

Leave the dickhead. And so what if something set on fire in the oven? They're designed to safely contain it for quite some time. It's actually very difficult to set aflame to anything in there. Yes something can overlook, blacken and smoke like hell but not burst into flames.

AsleepAllDay · 02/12/2018 12:04

Separately to the cupcake papers, he sounds awful and you should leave

He clearly doesn't bake because the paper is designed to go into the oven! Why does he know better than the food technologists and companies who make this stuff?

He's an idiot and sounds manipulative too

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 02/12/2018 13:09

Does he think the manufacturer specifically designed cupcake cases that would spontaneously burst into flames in the oven to annoy him too? I'm curious how deep he thinks the cupcake conspiracy goes!

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 02/12/2018 13:11

As a serious answer, unless this is a one off he sounds moody and self centred to a ridiculous degree.

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