When socialising with others does your DH talk to you

[Harrykanesrightsock]

I have been told that this is how it is for everyone.

Socialising with another couple, we sit down and DH immediately starts a conversation with the man who is his friend while me and friends wife start chatting. But that was how it was for the rest of the night, Two separate conversations. I tried on a good few occasions to draw a common topic and get all chatting but DH at the first opportunity turned back and starts the one on one with his friend.

He thinks IABU to expect us all to chat and this is how it is.

He has form for it but we we are usually with mutual friends who naturally bring the conversation back to include everyone despite DHs best efforts to segregate the group.

If he wanted a night with his friend then surely he should have done just that. It was actually a very awkward night for me.

My DH does this and it drives me crackers. Not just the other men, though. He's not as bad if we're in a four, any more than that and he will not come anywhere near me all night. He denies it and I genuinely don't think he realises he's doing it. We've had countless arguments about it over the years. Recently he has been making more of an effort, but it annoys me that he has to do that. Why not just want to include me anyway?! I admit to having self esteem issues though, so often wonder if it's me who has the issue (no DH is not gaslighting me!)

So, what would he do if your best friend is male and he comes round with his wife, would he expect you to not talk to your friend?

I think it depends on the situation to be honest. If it's in a busy bar and group conversations are hard then maybe it's natural to split up. If it's at a party with a lot of people then I think it's normal to both go off and have a wander and speak to a lot of people. If it's a meal or having people round your house for drinks or something then absolutely would expect to talk as a group

I think it's very strange to only talk to people based on whether they have a penis or not. I get if you're really into football or something then you might want to talk to others with the same passions and this would more often than not be men, however there are a million subjects to talk about and surely some of them must be common interests. Plus if you were hosting them then it's very rude just to ignore one of your guests because she is a woman!

Surely a lot of questions can be asked to the group rather than an individual so 'what's everyone doing for Christmas' rather than 'Phil what are you doing for Christmas'

What does he do at work surely he has to speak to women at some point!? Or does he direct all conversation to male colleagues / customers husbands etc

So, you're sitting at a table with 2 separate conversations the ENTIRE night? He's really not good with social situations is he?

You're a groups. You chat as a group. You have the odd individual chats but it always comes back to the group.

He's only getting away with it because there's only 4 of you. As you said, when it's a larger group he still tries to segregate to men and women but doesn't get away with it as other people are normal and want to talk to everyone throughout the night. Point that out to him... When he isn't getting to be in charge, the other men talk to women and everyone else. He only gets this when it's just one other couple... because he's controlling.

Cherry what is a safari supper??

I honestly do get that separate conversations will happen naturally during the course of a night out and that’s lovely But not for the whole bloody night.

And if the four of you travel in the same car, do the men sit in the front and the women in the back ?

Happily, you eat different courses at different houses — essentially a progressive dinner party, usually conducted in a small geographical area where the houses are only a stroll apart. A friend who lives in a small, well-heeled Oxfordshire village seems to have them often, bough I think of them as a 50s/60s thing.

We often go round to friends for a carry out meal and catch up .My friend and I will usually sit on one sofa and chat/ put the world to rights while our husbands will sit on the other sofa and talk about sport.However there is always plenty of 4 way conversation too.

This thread just reminded me of this

Are you in the South Wales valleys, by any chance? I used to see exactly this behaviour all the time, and yes, Y7 disco describes it exactly!!

I don’t get the sex-segregation thing. It’s depressing that some people seem to think there are men’s subjects and women’s subjects, and that it’s ‘natural’ to cluster in sex-segregated groups. That’s one step away from women ‘naturally’ being found in the kitchen discussing teething and diets over the roast while the men, who are too Busy and Important for that kind of thing, discuss Men’s Stuff and the Ishoos of the Day in the dining room and wait to be served and cleaned up after.

"but DH at the first opportunity turned back and starts the one on one with his friend. "

That is so rude.

If it happens that the two men chat to each other all night, as do the two women, fine-but to prevent you trying to join in is rude.

Odd.

Perhaps unless you are equally great friends with the DW and this ia just how things naturally go. Even then, I'd expect you to make friends as couples too, so spend about half the time talking as a group.

Your description sounds like them socialising, you two tagging along. I'd decline to accompany him next time.

If we go out with another couple the dynamic will change through out the night. Problem guy/ guy in begining as they catch up. We are happy with that as we have lots to chat about. Then all four over and back. Then l might get into discussion with other guy and dh gets on well with his wife. It constantly changes. Same in big group. I chat to some guys . So while dh and l won't exactly chat to each other its never divided on male female lines.
I am much more outgoing than dh so will flit from group to group but he will have a few more serious conversations with a few people which is what he prefers.

Neither of us have any friends tbh.

HappilyHarridan It’s rural entertainment- moving from house to house for each course with different hosts and different guests but all (about 60) starting off with drinks/canapés together and finishing off with everyone at one house for puddings/drinks.

Tell him its not good manners until time for port and cigars.

How close are you to the other couple? Could you talk about it to them without them grassing you to your husband? If so, I'd ask for their help in this. If you sit MFMF round a square table, or M facing F it'd be easier. And ask them to force a more open conversation / pairings of MF across the couples. It would be very interesting to see how your H responds.

And in answer to your question , no, my DP would never behave like that. In fact, in a large group he'll end up by my side, sooner rather than later.

Thanks cherry and mainie, sounds fun if a bit of a logistical nightmare!

Unless you like the female partner, and enjoy her company, I wouldn't be going again. I find that kind of segregation insulting and tedious.

Weird.
When we socialise as couples we all talk to each other. Perhaps I talk more to my female friend as I know her better but I’d consider it really rude to not chat to everyone or for the men in the room to not chat to me. Bloody odd.

This is NOT ok. It should change throughout the evening, sometimes one-on-one, sometimes all 4 of you.....

I'd get very bored with this..

Just be expected to make conversation with the 'little lady'.....

Not classy

IME, when a man does this it's indicative that he doesn't really see women as real people worth conversing with, only as potential "wives" (housework doers) or conquests.