AIBU about mess or is DH?

[Orangexxxx]

DH and I have a 5 yo DS in school and a 5 week old DS

Im on maternity leave for a year, he's recently returned to work after a significant amount of time off before/after DS2 born - 7 weeks total

Yesterday, DH came home from work and started complaining about :

having to pick up after DS1 (few toys out on floor and coffee table)

The living room floor needed hoovering

DS1 had left out 2 outfits in his room , which DH put away

An instruction manual for DS1 gro-clock being left out by me (due to me never being able to remember how to set it , and as we set it for different times on weekends and weekdays I left it out next to the gro clock)

...

For a bit of context DS1&2 rooms were extensively plastered and decorated and furniture put together by DH before DS2 arrived, (and they are both beautifully done and look lovely) So I do understand him being careful about them not becoming a tip

But AIBU to expect him to just do these things, and not complain about doing it?

I'm SAHM now, exclusive breastfeeding so his nights aren't disturbed and mine are, im knackered, juggling two children, school runs, DH shifts, the house is generally clean and tidy..washing and ironing done, all the usual

We're now not speaking as he pissed me off complaining about these things as if i don't have enough to do, having a go at me for keeping the instruction manual out and for not picking up after myself (even though it's not myself, it's the DS's!)

Today he offered an insincere apology , just because he didn't want us to not be talking so said , over text, "sorry for asking you to pick up after yourself"

AIBU?

I’m a nanny and if my bosses came home and spoke to me like this I would probably think about moving on!!! Being home with children is hard bloody work!

I would tell him that as I was “picking up after” 3 people all day to his 1 (a newborn & all the cleaning, tidying & stuff that brings; a 5 year old and all the toys and school stuff that brings; and myself; vs himself, out of the house all day) that I’d appreciate his assistance in evening up the imbalance when he’s home in the evenings. Without any drama, thank you very much. And I’d graciously waive the apology this time, as he must have forgotten to look at it from my point of view, but I would not expect to be spoken to like that ever again.

He’s a controlling wanker.

A few bits out does NOT make it ‘a mess’.

He’s obviously ground you down over time because it’s not normal to worry about freshly decorated rooms being ‘turning into a tip’ You have two children, you cannot allow them to grow up in an environment where they can’t play, leave toys out, have fun etc because their Dad will lose the plot.

His OCD (if diagnosed) is something he needs to deal with. Obviously having your support is important, but it’s HIS issue.

It does NOT give him the right to speak to you the way he does. He’s well out of order.

A very big part of why my ex is now an ex. Even when he tried not to say it out loud he waa always judging and going in moods over the tiniest thing. Vile. Tell him to do it himself or fuck off.

Another vote for wanker - if you do show him this thread!

Ops DH, if you're reading this....you're a wanker. A big one. My DH made a big point of saying the state of the house did not matter, I was looking after a baby and that's all I needed to focus on. It's maternity leave NOT housework leave.

Your wife is doing all she can with 2 children, one of which is a newborn and she's washing and ironing doing school runs and you're being an arsehole over some instructions and a bag in the hall. You aren't her boss, or her father. You don't get to order her about and tell her off, she is your equal and the mother of your children, treat her with some fucking respect ffs. Wanker.

OP, he pulls that crap again all what's this in the hall, that doesn't need to be there does it, just tell him to fuck off.