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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is he just thick or completely inconsiderate?

74 replies

Dolly49 · 30/11/2018 15:46

So, my due date is tomorrow and whilst I know babies don’t normally arrive on time would your oh have disappeared off out with his mates drinking at 3pm????
Bearing in mind none of them can have a couple of pints - this will turn into absolutely pissed up and turning back up at whatever time.

Plus our local pub has terrible phone signal so unlikely I could get hold of him even if I needed to!
Who does that at this stage in a pregnancy?!
Complete and utter dickhead 🙄🙄

OP posts:

Willow2017 · 30/11/2018 17:13

You could get hold of him if needed, just phone the pub's landline.

And what use is a pissed selfish arsehole when you.are in labour?
How is op supposed to get to hospital?
Who needs a man staggering around a labour suite getting in the way/talking shite?

Op why cant he just have a couple of drinks on a normal night or not drink at all at this time in your pregnancy.

Is he going to continue like this once baby is here?
He needs a reality check.

dontalltalkatonce · 30/11/2018 17:16

I do wonder if there are warning signs with these men or do they completely out of the blue become arseholes when their OHs are pregnant?

9/10 there's plenty of warning signs. She already knew he can't handle drink but goes out on the lash anyhow, he has an alcohol problem she's known about, and he also would rather go out and drink with his mates than pay her attention or go out for a meal with her.

GreyHare · 30/11/2018 17:16

He is a selfish arsehole and will continue to be, my friends husband left her on her due date in a house they had moved into on that day (not professional move, just mates and van who all scarped at 4 o'clock) to go on a works jolly, he took the car and left 3 miles away at the train station whilst he went on the train over an hours travel time away, he continues to be a selfish arse to this day and has little interaction with his child,

Original poster

Dolly49 · 30/11/2018 17:24

Donttalkallatonce - actually I was with my daughters dad for 21 years so I think you’re a bit quick to judge there 🙄

OP posts:

dontalltalkatonce · 30/11/2018 17:27

Doll, you are the one who has procreated with a person who can't handle alcohol but still goes out on the lash not infrequently, can't be bothered to stay sober on your due date or take you out to dinner. What a catch! Sounds like the beginning of a 'great dad'

Stompythedinosaur · 30/11/2018 17:31

I don't think that going out is a problem (if local and contactable) but getting pissed is wildly selfish!

Stompythedinosaur · 30/11/2018 17:34

I think do stopped drinking a couple of weeks before my due date in case he had to 7nexpectedly drive me to hospital, I think that is the more usual approach!

choli · 30/11/2018 17:43

He just carried on as though I’m not pregnant tbh, it doesn’t seem to have sunk in whatsoever!

Was the pregnancy planned by both of you?

AnoukSpirit · 30/11/2018 17:43

He doesn't care about leaving you sat alone at home bored on a regular basis, so why would he care about leaving you now?

Pattern of behaviour.

HumphreyCobblers · 30/11/2018 17:52

Goodness could we leave off berating the heavily pregnant OP?

Sorry your husband is being such a dick. Hope you are ok tonight, I would phone someone and bugger off to their house if I were you. You should have someone sober with you.

Franklyyes · 30/11/2018 21:00

Wish there weren't due dates ... babies aren't that precise they come when they come. Is this more about your partners general attitude about your pregnancy ?

WaxOnFeckOff · 30/11/2018 23:47

Google says around 5% of babies arrive on their due date but 60% arrive a week either side, so if OP is due tomorrow, the odds are now higher that it will arrive in the next few days.

Howhot · 30/11/2018 23:53

The majority of babies arrive between 38-42 weeks. I didn't need to ask my OH to not drink, he told me himself when I was around 37 weeks that he was done and I wouldn't expect anything less from him. YANBU OP, he's being a knob.

210NoondE · 01/12/2018 00:04

I had this exact situation, and I did go in to labour! However with out sounding horrible, most men specially first time dads have very little knowledge of labour and how shit goes down! So he probably thinks he got time to play and enjoy himself before he has to step up. Maybe go out with him next time? Being out and about moving and you relaxing should help bring on that baby! Men are complete divs when they want too be. Just make his hangover hell!

MissConductUS · 01/12/2018 00:24

And he’s got no off switch - he either doesn’t drink at all or he’s completely over the top.

I used to be exactly the same way. It's a classic sign of incipient alcoholism.

To be out getting drunk at such a critical time is another clear sign of alcohol abuse.

ReanimatedSGB · 01/12/2018 00:30

Was this baby planned? If so, whose idea was it to have a baby together? I get the impression this man has been indifferent and unhelpful throughout the pregnancy, which suggests that either he didn't want to have a baby and will probably dump you soon, or that he did want to have a baby, but his motives were not about being a wonderful father so much as they were about proving his dick works and trapping you into staying with him and knowing your place. It's very common for abuse to begin either during pregnancy or shortly after the baby is born: well, not so much 'begin' as 'show up more clearly and get more blatant'.
DO you have family/friends close by who can help you out if needed?

Iloveautumnleaves · 01/12/2018 01:01

Basically what SGB said.

You’ve posted about him before haven’t you?!

DoJo · 01/12/2018 01:50

Hes probably nervous and looking for a distraction.

Yeah, because there's no reason for the OP to be nervous, what with having to cram a human out of her fanjo or anything!! Let's hope he copes with the drama of labour, eh, or the OP will be on her own!

Coyoacan · 01/12/2018 04:50

To be out getting drunk at such a critical time is another clear sign of alcohol abuse

Yeap, I'm an alcoholic and that is what strikes me. It seems like an impossible sacrifice to have to stay sober, even for important occasions.

I'm so sorry, OP. I would hold back on putting his name on the birth certificate if I were you.

TheSerenDipitY · 01/12/2018 07:04

if that were mine, i wouldnt even tell him i was in labor, id get myself to the hospital and request his drunk ass be kicked out of the hospital if he magically turned up, quite possibly would either kick his ass out at home too or move out with the new baby

CheshireChat · 01/12/2018 15:51

Hope you're ok, OP.

AntMoon · 01/12/2018 16:04

Any update OP?

MoaningSickness · 01/12/2018 16:16

Wish there weren't due dates ... babies aren't that precise they come when they come. Is this more about your partners general attitude about your pregnancy ?

This has nothing to do with 'precise dates', normal decent men take the responsibilty of being a birth partner and soon-to-be father seriously, and make sure they can get to the hospital in a relatively sober state from weeks before the due date till after it's arrived. Going out locally or having the odd drink is fine, but getting drunk is really not.

KittenOfWoe · 02/12/2018 00:17

Hope all is okay OP, and he was suitably shamefaced.

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