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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Going on holiday vacation without child

38 replies

MissRed2018 · 30/11/2018 04:50

Im a single parent of an autistic 3yr old boy and I recently decided to take a vacation without him over the upcoming holidays. I already know that my family is gonna guilt trip me for not being home to spend Christmas with my son but like I said I'm a single parent and it's really tough raising an autistic child and I feel I deserve a vacation by myself. Is it unreasonable to go on a vacation without him over Christmas and New year's? I understand I won't spend Christmas with him but honestly it's just one Christmas and he's 3 and I feel it's nothing special to him at this age, it's just another day to him. Should I keep my current plans and not worry about the family guilt trip or take my child on Vacation with me? Any input is appreciated

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 30/11/2018 04:53

Not unreasonable to go away for a short break and leave him with loving family.

Very unreasonable to not spend Christmas with him.

HotInWinter · 30/11/2018 05:00

Who will your child be with?
If he is off to spend the week with Daddy, as part of planned contact, go on holiday.
Otherwise, rearrange your holiday, and spend Christmas with your little boy. Either take him with you, or move the holiday to a different week, and leave him with loving family then.

Frazzled2207 · 30/11/2018 05:02

Over Christmas yes ywbu yes. Where would he go? His dad's?

Original poster
MissRed2018 · 30/11/2018 05:07

He would be spending that time with his dad and I had planned to have our own little Christmas together before I left on Vacation

OP posts:
LoudJazzHands · 30/11/2018 05:08

If he'll be with his Dad and will have a lovely time then I think YANBU.

Readytogogogo · 30/11/2018 05:15

YANBU. Please enjoy your holiday.

Frazzled2207 · 30/11/2018 05:16

Oh if he'll be with his dad and will still get a Christmas with you then yanbu, sorry.

Original poster
MissRed2018 · 30/11/2018 05:28

Yea I wanted to have my own early Christmas with him before I left. I just a little vacation to myself because raising an autistic child is such hard work especially with therapy 6x a week.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratcett · 30/11/2018 05:30

Will he cope with the upheaval? If he will, screw what anyone else thinks.

RedWineIsFabulous · 30/11/2018 05:30

I couldn’t and wouldn’t do it - especially over Christmas but that’s me.

Minniemountain · 30/11/2018 05:37

So it's his dad's turn to have him for Christmas? That's a brilliant time to have a proper holiday.

Original poster
MissRed2018 · 30/11/2018 05:38

Yes he adapts easily and has been away from me before when he spent a week with my mom. He will be with her after he spends a few days with his dad.

OP posts:
Original poster
MissRed2018 · 30/11/2018 05:40

No his dad and I don't have set times. We just work around our schedules

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratcett · 30/11/2018 05:42

Have fun then.

Workreturner · 30/11/2018 05:44

So he’d not even meant to be with you during this time?

Bluerussian · 30/11/2018 05:49

As he will be with his dad and I presume his dad looks after your son well, no reason not to have a break over Christmas without him. You are going to have a Christmassy celebration with him at a different time so he'll have two Christmases. Lovely.

Don't let anyone guilt trip you and have a good time. Your son will have two good times!

Wine
Original poster
MissRed2018 · 30/11/2018 05:51

Workreturner we don't have a set schedule. If his dad asks for some time with him then we just work it out around schedules and vice versa. My son has a very demanding schedule himself with therapy 6x weekly.

OP posts:
Original poster
MissRed2018 · 30/11/2018 05:53

Bluerussian that's what I was thinking, as long as I have a little Christmas with him, even if it's not on Christmas day itself, I didn't really see an issue with going on vacation without him but I'm sure my family will see it differently

OP posts:
TheBigBangRocks · 30/11/2018 07:09

Has he had a holiday or just you?

I couldn't, Holidays are family time especially Christmas. So much to do and share. I'd also feel really guilty leaving someone else with my parenting responsibilities whilst i was having fun and you mention it's not the first time your mum has had to do this. Dad is obviously different as it's his child.

Blanchedupetitpois · 30/11/2018 07:14

I think if he’s having Christmas with his dad it’s fine. You wouldn’t see him on the day anyway presumably? I say go and enjoy your holiday.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 30/11/2018 07:15

YANBU to want a holiday.

Weird to choose to go over Christmas and therefore not see your DS at all at this time but you're clearly happy with that and not bothered about seeing him over Christmas since that's when you've chosen to go, so why does it make any difference what anyone else thinks?

Nanny0gg · 30/11/2018 07:31

As always some harsh replies. He'll be with his father not some random. The OP is probably on her knees. And does your DS actually understand what Chritmas is yet?

Go and relax.

GloryforGloves · 30/11/2018 07:38

I'd also feel really guilty leaving someone else with my parenting responsibilities whilst i was having fun and you mention it's not the first time your mum has had to do this.

So all parents need to be tied to their children 24-7 until they are adults, regardless of whenever the person volunteering to look after them is happy to do so. Does ‘having fun’ extend to the odd evening out too?

OP - go on holiday and don’t feel guilty. He will have a lovely pre-Xmas with you, a lovely Xmas with his dad and a lovely post-Xmas with grandma.

TheDarkPassenger · 30/11/2018 07:46

Go!

themartinipolice · 30/11/2018 07:48

Your son will have a lovely time with you, then his dad, then his gran.

You will have a lovely time with your son, then have a chance to rest and recharge your batteries.

Do it and don't feel guilty!

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