Co-worker lets everyone else use nickname, except me

[edjnr]

A new employee has joined my company on Monday and is sitting next to me. We had a small chat when she arrived but I've been in meetings most of this week so haven't got to know her.

Today is Thursday and I asked her, what do you like to be called? I knew everyone called her by her nickname Roxy but didn't want to presume. She replied to me saying she wants to be called Roxanne. She's introduced herself to everyone else as Roxy! AIBU?

I can't think of anything I've done for her to dislike me.

I think you’ve done the right thing and she might really appreciate that you’ve taken the time to ask what she likes to be called instead of just assuming that she prefers a nickname. As a new employee I’m sure she’s not out to create trouble or offence.

I am called a mix of Roxanne and Roxy at work. There is no favouritism as to who calls me what and will often tell people to call me either. I don't really like Roxy though but it is easier.

Christmas card writing is always a challenge, I have to remember who calls me Roxanne, Roxy or Rox.

The rule is that you call someone the name they have introduced themselves as.

I know a Jennifer who hates Jen or Jenny and several David’s who hate Dave.

Lots of people at work do call them Jenny or Dave, and they put up with it, but it’s not their preference.

She told you she wants to be Roxanne - so that’s what you call her.

Bookshelf

At least you asked her! She'll probably appreciate that. Your colleagues possibly didn't and just assumed her name is shortened. I don't know why it is but it happens a lot in England... maybe people who do it feel (on a subconscious level) it sounds friendly?

I have a name that is automatically shortened, but I don't like either a great deal so it doesn't bother me too much. I wouldn't shorten someone else's though if they hadn't, I'm not confident enough for that

Some people call me by a completely different name well two actually. The start with the same sound but that is all. It annoys me but I just let it go.

I think she is glad you asked her and she prefers being called Roxanne.

I think it would be ok to clarify with her. Casually mention you'd notice people call her Roxy and ask which one she prefers.

I have a name that can be shortened and will introduce myself by both and don't mind being known as either. It wouldn't be a big deal and probably wouldn't even notice I'd done it.

She might have had a dozen things going on in her head and not even thought about it.

I wouldn't think, after a few days, she'd dislike you enough to diss you in such a lightening flash way.

At work I sit next to a David, who always introduces himself as "David" and prefers to be known by that name.

90% of the people at work call him "Dave".

In OP's position, I'd wait a week or so and casually say "I notice some people call you Roxanne and some people call you Roxy - which one to you prefer?"

This has made me think about when a new team member started at my old work, she joined the team and made a big thing of “my name is Rachel but I like to be called Fleur” (this was just a name she liked) the annoying and highly confusing thing was that when she was speaking to customers (call centre) she would say her name was Rachel, and then if they ever rang back they’d say “well I was speaking to Rachel...” and everyone would be stumped and think “who the fuck is Rachel”. It still irrationally pisses me off

Maybe she had a brain fart moment/new job nerves and said it without thinking. It’s something I’d do.

HoppingPavlova
If I dislike someone I correct them and tell them, “actually it’s xxxx” and keep correcting them if they make a point of it. If they push it even further and comment that everyone else calls me yyyy, I just say “okay, but i’d like you to call me xxx” and just repeat the line verbatim as necessary if they persist in talking about it. It’s my right to dictate what I would like to be called. It’s also a very simple and effective way of making sure everyone knows where they stand

Really? Nice

I sort of sympathise with your colleague op
At work I get called ‘ the hygienist’
Patients dentists and reception all do it
Yes it’s my job title but my name is on the outside of the building on my surgery door and my name badge
And I introduce myself by name
Grr

You asked what she preferred and she told you, maybe no one else asked and she doesn't want to make a fuss.

One colleague I worked with for years was known to everyone by a shortened version of her Indian name. One day she happened to mention to me that she hates it and much preferred people to use her full name, but didnt want to cause a fuss about it.

After that I used her full name. it would have been very rude to carry on using her nickname when I knew she didn't like it. Maybe some people thought I was weird, but after a while some got the hint and called her by her full name too.

Maybe she's hoping that people will hear you calling her Roxanne and drop the nickname.

I work for a big company, new starters get asked how they would like to be addressed. And that's the name that gets assigned to them for their email address etc ...

In the modern world nicknames are REALLY not appropriate if they have not been agreed by the person themselves. What starts off as banter can actually be bullying, particularly if those nick names are descriptive of body characteristics (Lofty, Tubs etc) or even worse, Nationality... ( Paddy, Jock....)

N.B I'm so glad my mate "Clit" never got a job here.