Talking to son about his weight

[Martind12]

My son is 20,living away from home in his 2nd year at university. He’s never been the slimmest child growing up, mainly on the sligihtly chubby side with a few periods of being a bit bigger and a bit smaller but nothing ridiculous. Since going to uni however he has put on a lot of weight. Managed to get him to weigh himself when he was home last week and he was nearly 18stone and is 6ft tall. I know hes an adult (technically) now but im concerned about his weight and whilst it’s probably not dangerous now i dont want him to keep putting more weight on. Should i talk to him about it- in the last he has been quite sensitive about it or leave him to make his own observations and descisions in his own time?

as a concerned parent i should say something just as you would if he was drastically underweight or had a broken leg or was feeling low

But if he was underweight or had a broken leg or was feeling low what would you say? Would you say “Eat more”; “Go to A&E”; “Try to cheer up”? In all those situations the adult will know what to do, just as your DS must know what to do. He is just lacking motivation - how are you going to motivate him? How will that motivation you provide hold up in the face of post-pub kebabs and one more pint?

Surely i must be able to say something offering concern and advice as to how he might loose some of the weight

Offer concern & advice if you feel you need to. But I’m just not convinced it’ll do anything but either a) fall on deaf ears or b) come across as criticism.

I’ve lived with and loved someone with weight issues. I know the concerns. I’ve also seen that motivation cannot be external, and well-meaning advice goes down badly.

Sure, ask how he feels about his lifestyle and why he’s put on weight. But don’t offer advice unless you’re asked for it. He’s not unaware, I guarantee it, but if he’s giving you the impression he doesn’t care that’s a pretty big clue he doesn’t want to discuss it, imo.

I can't believe I actually read someone saying "I'm ONLY a size 18/20"... It's really depressing that people think 'only' is an appropriate word to use for being that size.

Does he know how to cook? Or did he head to uni, as unfortunately a lot of people do, unable to cook a range of meals?

If someone goes to live with friends, they can't cook a reasonable amount of healthy meals and there's fast food everywhere, plus they're pushed for time, you can see why it happens.

I'd say something personally, while trying to be as sensitive as possible. I'd assume a uni student is reasonably active and walking in the day, so it must be from his diet. A lot of people don't realise how many calories there are in certain things e.g. 2000 calories in certain portions of fish and chips, 600 calories in some Starbucks drinks, etc. Or really understand what's reasonable to eat in a day. Some salads have more calories than pizza options in Pizza Express. I'd focus on asking him what he wants - and if he wants help with it, help. The main thing would be to make sure he can use the oven, fridge and freezer properly to create healthy well balanced meals.