To decline this offer..?

[multicolouredcrayons]

I'm due to go to work tomorrow. DS (2yo) is due to go to Nursery... unfortunately he's got an infection and therefore is unable to go. I asked exh (DS father) if he was able to have DS for a little while in the morning whilst I work. (Ex works 6 days a week, and supports himself his DP and newborn baby, as well as paying CM, however earns a good wage so isn't in trouble financially.)

He responded that he was unable to as he can't get out of work, but his mum (exMiL) could.
For background re exMiL, we never really got on she cause major dramas when we were together constantly and since exh and I split haven't really seen each other and definitely haven't spoken to each other for well over 12 months directly. She sees DS every week during exh contact as he still lives with her. She's never had DS by herself for any given time so won't really know his routine likes & dislikes etc. I felt really uneasy about the whole thing so I just politely declined... AIBU?

Not unreasonable exactly, but turning down an offer of childcare from the a grandparent seems a bit daft.

It's only a few hours, and I'm sure she's more than capable.

Presumably she loves her grandchild and wants the best for them?

YABU if you don’t feel comfortable but it was kind of them both to offer to help you out and you’ll have to take the day off work.

Could the DP have him?

Yes, YABU she’s his DGM she sees him every week and has a relationship with him. You could ask your EXH to give her a run down of his routine if she’s not aware.

I do think your being unreasonable.

Your son knows her and she's raised her son so is not unaware of how to keep a child alive and happy for a few hours.

YANBU! Sorry

You're not being unreasonable, I would feel the same too, but I suppose it isn't like she's a stranger either and it will probably happen eventually.

ExP could easily have taken the child and given to his mother to mind whilst you were (both) at work.

She sees DS every week during exh contact as he still lives with her. She's never had DS by herself for any given time so won't really know his routine likes & dislikes etc.

So ExP lives with his mother, he has the child every week and you think she is incapable. Really you just don't like her and don't want to be beholden to her. So you are going to have to take a day off work.

YANBU to dislike her, or to feel apprehensive about her having your DS. I do wonder though whether theres a risk it's a bit cutting your nose off to spite your face by turning her down because of apprehension.

If she's available at short notice and local you could potentially have an absolutely fabulous casual line of support available for years to come - sick days from school fo on way beyond the nursery years, extra help in long school holidays.

It's one session. It could go well.

YABU. You clearly don't have any pressing need for someone to look after him so don't be surprised if your ex is less helpful in future when you ask for favours...

Your letting personal dislike get in the way. She's his granny, he goes to her house every weekend. Doesn't matter if you two don't get on, you can be civil where ds is concerned. This could probably be a move forward to build bridges

You don’t know if she’s had him by herself; you’re not there.

ExH has never had DS if he's been ill and I've been due to go to work etc. He always says no or I can't I'm working myself etc or other reasons. I've always had to ask friends, or take days off or occasionally my DM has stepped in, but we loved with her for the first 9 months of DSs life and see her regularly so they have a very strong relationship ship.

He does live with her, but according to him she's hardly ever there, working herself or away on holiday. Most of the time from what I can gather ex takes DS to his girlfriends house to see the new baby most times so exMiL wouldn't be around DS anyway.

Re our relationship, no we don't get on very well at all, we were both civil to each other when DS was born for visits etc but she has been awful to me at times especially when exh and I were married, and a few times after too so yes it does worry me that he would be in her care, but not dramatically as such. ExMiL wasn't very bothered when DS was born anyway, exh used to 'drag her round' to see him. Now she's got a new grandchild (ex and gfs baby) she's less bothered about DS if anything

Yabu. It is only a few hours in the morning. As ex lives with her no doubt she has spent many hours minding him so far.

I know it's nerve racking but your DS has a relationship with his grandmother through exDH, so I would do it.

Call at regular intervals - and leave work if you're worried?

When people who don't know DCs routines have looked after them in the past, I have been known to write very detailed instructions on how to look after my precious baby like I do

YABU

I think it's very nice of your ex to try and sort a plan B out for you. I wouldn't decline it.

YABU. She’s his DGM and has a relationship with him. You’re rude to decline, and now you’ve shot yourself in the door with taking time off work. Seems a bit silly really.

If she doesn't like you, she clearly adores her GS if she's willing to do you a favour. You'd be cutting your nose off to spite your face if you say no.

Totally off the point but your ex sounds quite a catch: two kids in two years with two different women and living at home with mummy. She must be so proud.

I don't actually know where she is in all this anyway, I text him this morning when he was already at work and he came straight back with 'I can't but my mum can' he hadn't even asked her she may even have been busy or said no. So technically she hasn't offered. Ex volunteered her. She's never offered, not to me anyway, she doesn't speak to me. She ignores me at handovers if she's there @TinklyLittleLaugh yes that is one thing but she's got her new grandchild now and a new girlfriend she can control so she's happy

You sound a little bitter and I think you've cut your nose off to spite your face

See it as a way to build a civil relationship with ex mil for your dcs sake? I wouldn't decline

Well you're not unreasonable but you might be biting off your nose to spite your face. Unless you think MiL is incapable of caring for him (you mention other concerns but none about his safety with her so I assume this isn't the case) it would seem more sensible to have her care for him and go to work. It's not like she's a stranger to him and if he got really miserable she could just chuck on peppa pig surely?

I don’t think I would be wasting a days goodwill at work when I had another, perfectly adequate solution.