To decline this offer..?

[multicolouredcrayons]

I'm due to go to work tomorrow. DS (2yo) is due to go to Nursery... unfortunately he's got an infection and therefore is unable to go. I asked exh (DS father) if he was able to have DS for a little while in the morning whilst I work. (Ex works 6 days a week, and supports himself his DP and newborn baby, as well as paying CM, however earns a good wage so isn't in trouble financially.)

He responded that he was unable to as he can't get out of work, but his mum (exMiL) could.
For background re exMiL, we never really got on she cause major dramas when we were together constantly and since exh and I split haven't really seen each other and definitely haven't spoken to each other for well over 12 months directly. She sees DS every week during exh contact as he still lives with her. She's never had DS by herself for any given time so won't really know his routine likes & dislikes etc. I felt really uneasy about the whole thing so I just politely declined... AIBU?

It takes two secs to ring someone on a mobile, have them answer and say "Mum, can you keep x tomorrow morning?". I think you know yourself that you're being being petty, which is ok but you're the person that will lose out in the long run.

Tbh I do realise how I'm coming across with this. It's hard to explain tho. it's always just been me and DS ex only recently started having him for a full day (9 hours) once a week when I persuaded him to up his contact from approx 3 hours a week. Maybe it is my issue 🤷‍♀️ I'll work on that. Defo...

It really will benefit you to smile and say thank you. Saying that, hell would freeze over before I would take any help from my MIL....

It's really, really hard to trust and let go of our DC when life means we have to be elsewhere. If a relative isn't a safety threat to a child they can be a constant in their life and that is so valuable.

The old mumsnet classic 'It takes a village to raise a child' is so true. You don't have to like the whole village, just acknowledge that the different people in your DC's life have a role to play.

My ExMIL and I didn't see eye to eye really. My XH left for another women after an 11 year marriage, somehow I managed to establish a better relationship between her and the DC after he left. She lives a long way away but has been a support, has taken the DC out to lunch and the odd activity. She's been financially generous giving them a bit of spending for holidays and contributing towards uniform, sending a decent winter coat for DS1 when he was little and needed one for school.

We're over a decade on now and its a civil relationship. The DC have benefited. I have benefited through them being better off.

Sometimes it's a bit of a leap of faith letting the past fall behind us, but it can be a good thing.

I think maybe you're letting your personal feelings about her get in the way of making a sensible decision...

Unless you have reservations because of your childs safety due to past experiences etc I can't really understand why you wouldn't take up this offer.

And actually, think of the social life of you have babysitting options!