To send my ex a message even though it could make me feel even worse?

[largeprintagathachristie]

Just that, really. I have a message written to my ex in my head halfwritten in my phone notes and my trigger finger is itching to send.

I shouldn't, should I? It's only been a week and I feel like I've fallen off a cliff and kept falling. Even though I had a couple of episodes of severe depression 10 and 15 years ago I'm a bit astonished to find myself ill again. I'm seeing a mental health crisis team at the moment. (Resourcing there is another issue...)

Realistically the only reply my addled brain could deal with at the moment is, "Oh, I've made a terrible error and should never have left you." And it's not going to be that, is it?

Don’t do it. Email it to yourself if it helps. But don’t send it to him. It can bring nothing good - only misery lies this way

Doing the pick me dance never led to anything other than decimated self-respect. Don't do it.

You will regret it. More powerful to get on with your life and not give him the satisfaction of making contact. If he’s made a terrible mistake he’ll contact you.

[flowers[ [flowers[

No advice but understand.

It's not going to be the "lets get back together" response, no OP.

Please don't do it. The earlier you stop communication, the quicker you can break free, you are just prolonging the upset and anxiety.

Take a clean hard break, do it for yourself and for your MH.

Wait 30 days ... get in with your life in the meantime. Then review if you still want to send him that message. This time of year isn't helping too. Sending you hugs. Been there myself. Xxx

Delete it from your phone.

Write it out properly in a piece of paper so you can send it next week if you still feel inclined.

If you have more thoughts you want to send during the week, write those out too and add to the pile to send next week.

Reread them all next week and come back here and tell us if you still want to send them.

Meanwhile do you want to tell us what has happened

He needs enough time to miss you. Apparently that takes 3 weeks at least. Aim for that then reassess x

Don't do it sweetie. Delete his number, block him all round, and focus on you. I get it, and we've all been there, but it's not worth it, and it won't make you feel any better. Especially if you get a shitty reply.
Keep talking to us if talking helps. Lots of support here if you'd like it x

No, it is not going to help

Keep your dignity, and focus on you and your MH

Thank you for helping me to stay away from the irretrievable send button, as I'm feeling fragile.

He broke up with me by phone while I was at work, of all places. Even I think that was shabby. By phone - well, sort of ok though not ideal. At work? Definitely not ok. It was a sort of a casual aside in a conversation that began as something else. I was completely blindsided and he couldn't get off the phone quickly enough. We'd been together a year, were talking about the future. Christmas was planned. He doesn't love me. The pain is quite bad, at times unbearable.

I keep thinking that the last time I saw him in person, a couple of days before, I didn't know that would be the last time. If you know what I mean. Just a normal goodbye after him staying over.

But if I'm not coping now it will be even worse if I make contact, right? (She tells herself again ...)

Thank you x

If blocking is too hard for you at least delete his number so you can't call him so easily.

You can do this

We’ve all been there. It will get better. What did you want to say in the message out of interest? X

Ps he sounds pretty cowardly and not very nice!

You have to be absent for someone to miss you, if you message him it doesn’t give him a chance to regret what he’s done.
Sorry you’re hurting, it will get easier xx

Don't do it.

The most likely thing to happen will be that a) he won't reply, and b) he'll block you... which actually feels worse than being dumped in the first place
(I speak from experience)

It's horrible, I know

Why would you want something so spinless back? As others have said, don't do it. You have done a week, that is a week through the hurt. Don't step back, delete his number.

If he makes contact, then you can reply, but until that, you just need to sit and feel those emotions. They're just feelings. They can't hurt you.

Don't do it don't do it don't do it

I did it. Many times.

The thing is - you deserve someone who doesn't do shitty things like (a) dump you (b) by phone (c) when you're at work (d) out of the blue. That's not nice. That's not respectful.

Choose a different path. A healthy you. A content life.

Im guessing if the ex behaved like that splitting up you actually have plenty more stories...

I feel for you op and totally understand. Don’t send it. Even if he did say iv made a mistake and want you back which there is zero chance of, he dumped you over the phone, you deserve better. He is a turd and you my dear are wonderful.

How are you OP?

This website REALLY helped me get through my last break-up when I was so desperate to message him and felt so depressed:

breakuprecoveryguide.com

Even just having the short-term distraction was very helpful.

You need a long term distraction.
Do you have a hobby?
Belong to a gym?
Like running? or walking?
Friends and family?
Just please try to keep busy.
Dwelling is awful and we just play things over and over and over and it does us no good at all.
Get out and about if you feel you can.
Even if you feel you can't - do try.
I'm sorry you are going through this.
It's truly shitty.
But what's he has done and the way he has done it shows what a fuckwit and coward he is and you are no doubt, better off without him.
It will take time to get there but you will eventually.
Keep ranting on here if it helps.

Writing things down helps even if you don’t send. Write it all down, maybe even by hand if you don’t trust yourself not to send. Get it out but don’t send.

You know you don't want to send it - that's why you were smart and asked us to stop you, rather than just hitting send

I really feel for you - being broken up with like that is terrible, especially if you were happy and didn't see it coming.

But you are awesome and great - write the message down, tell your friends, talk to us. But don't send it to him. He deserves nothing but the power of your silence.

Right now, he is expecting you to get in touch. He will have treated other women shittily, and will be braced for the final angry phonecall, the ranting emails, the messages that let him know how important he is and how wounded and baffled the woman is. Deny him that.

And I know this bc my brother is the sort of person who treats women like this. When he dumps a girl, he expects a lot of tears and begging for explanations and FEELINGS. One time, his ex gave him none of that, just moved on serenely with her life. He is still annoyed about that, and frequently wonders "how she could just move on like that".