To send my ex a message even though it could make me feel even worse?

[largeprintagathachristie]

Just that, really. I have a message written to my ex in my head halfwritten in my phone notes and my trigger finger is itching to send.

I shouldn't, should I? It's only been a week and I feel like I've fallen off a cliff and kept falling. Even though I had a couple of episodes of severe depression 10 and 15 years ago I'm a bit astonished to find myself ill again. I'm seeing a mental health crisis team at the moment. (Resourcing there is another issue...)

Realistically the only reply my addled brain could deal with at the moment is, "Oh, I've made a terrible error and should never have left you." And it's not going to be that, is it?

Please don't send it. This is from someone who did it many times and ended up with no self worth and self hatred for being so weak.

Keep telling yourself that this too shall pass, over and over. Because it does and I kept saying it over and over.

It was for the best. I would have done anything to have had the relationship back then however unhealthy it was. But few years down the line i have a happier healthier relationship with someone whom I wouldn't have met if I was still with him. Focus on the positives. Xx

Have you sent it? Beside the point really, but why are you texting him that you're sorry you left him when he dumped you?

So you’ve had a pretty rare relapse of a MH condition which is normally well managed?

And he’s dumped you because of that?

Nah mate, bloke’s a twat, you’ve had a lucky escape and it’s better you found this out sooner rather than later. If he can’t support you through this he’s not decent life partner material, you’re well shot of him.

If you get back together somehow you will always be wondering if/when he is going to do it again. Don't put yourself through that.

You are already through the first week, if you were back together and he split with you again you would be back to square one and you'd have to go through that first week again.

It is very hard, but stay strong. Look after yourself, go through the grieving process, pick yourself up at the end and start with the rest of your life. Take some time for yourself, rather than you and partner as a couple, refresh and then in the future you can look for a better partner, someone who won't split with you like your ex did.

Don’t send the text but I disagree with pp on here because I think it can be good to meet for a final drink and talk it over. I think it can be brutal to live with unanswered questions but then I’m a believing in talking about EVERYTHING.

I sympathise, i really do. I was completely in love with an ex i wasted a total of 6 years on, telling me he loved me, we would marry, i'd never lose him etc. New years day this year we did the whole happy new year thing, and i was upset a friend had just admitted to trying to guilt trip me to buy them expensive christmas gifts. Ex did the whole "thats disgusting how could anyone use you like that, you're the best" when i pointed out HIS promised gift to me for christmas never materialised, and how he had literally never spent a penny on me our whole relationship. (long distance) Not even an aldi birthday card he could have bought and sent for £1, where as i'd spent over £800 on him on birthdays, christmases, random gifts, take aways etc, despite me being disabled and on crap welfare and him working and how he could afford skiing holidays and had told me all about his taking his brothers gf christmas shopping and he gifts he'd bought her like fave chocs etc despite i bet not even remembering mine.

I expected a ww3 arguement, instead he did his "i have no defence and am a shit whose in the wrong, so will play the silent treatment card until you beg for forgiveness and drop it" game. I waited half an hour, sent him one final text that his silent treatment mind games were abusive and it would screw with my head and make me feel worthless to make sure he knew exactly how i would feel, then i put my phone down. For the first time ever, i didn't go begging within 48 hours for him to talk to me, saying it didn't matter and apologising to HIM. Tomorrow will be 11 months since that last "How could anyone treat you like that, you're the best" text. I never got a reply, a goodbye, a sorry, an its over, no explanation, just silence. I gave him a week to reply to me during which if he had a grovelling apology, an explanation of why he'd treated me so shit and massively made changes i would consider forgiving him. I gave him an extra week that i could have considered being friends. I gave a final 4 weeks for him to give a final explanation/goodbye/kiss my arse etc.
6 weeks to the day, i blocked him from contacting me. Many times in those 6 weeks i wanted to message him, scream and shout, demand answers and be told how sorry he was, but i knew that would give him all the control and power and i'd be the one chasing him.

I have no doubt he was shocked i didn't chase him, i hope it majorly hurt his ego that i basically gave up on him and walked away which was the opposite of what i'd always done. I actually felt relieved after that first week was over, i finally knew where i stood with him, and i could walk away head held high i wasn't the one who broke it and gave up. I lost all feelings very quickly and cme to realise he was a very abusive person (claimed to have a brain tumour when i told him my mum died of cancer amongst him many lies, cheated at least once i knew of but that he denied despite evidence, emotionally controlling and abusive, that he'd just used me for money etc)

I have zero feelings, barely think of him and would honestly never respond no matter how much he begged even if he became a millionaire and vowed to be the perfect partner. The urge to message does eventually go away and you come to terms without a final showdown, answers or apology.