Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset by SiL's comments?

83 replies

In0mniaParatus · 29/11/2018 14:16

I look after my 2.5 year old DNephew for one day every week and I had him yesterday with no issues (as usual, he's a great little boy, really well behaved and we have a great time). This morning I received a text msg from SiL stating that the following phrases were banned around DN: "I'm going to stab you", "I'm going to cut you" and "I'm going to cut your face off". I was pretty shocked and asked where had he heard that from to be told "From you - he hears everything". I replied that I had never said anything like that or let him see anything on television that would have that kind of language. I was told that I say it all the time without realising and that it's in my repertoire of usual responses!

I am completely shocked and upset. I have never said ANYTHING like that full stop, never mind around DN. I have been racking my brains to think where this could have come from. Yesterday we spend the morning with my mum shopping, in the afternoon my friend came round with her little boy who is a year older but his speech isn't that great for his age so pretty similar to DN, we were playing with the kids the whole time and there is no way that my friend's son would have said anything like that anyway.

The closest thing I can think of is that I do say to DH sometimes "I will kick your backside" but this doesn't happen when DN is around.

I am seriously consdering telling DB and SiL that I won't take DN any more. AIBU to be so upset?

OP posts:
cowfacemonkey · 29/11/2018 15:51

This is very weird! I would ask a few impartial people if you do say things like that without realising; although it's hard to imagine you do, they're not exactly normal things to say even in jest.

I would probably politely suggest SIL looks elsewhere for childcare

cowfacemonkey · 29/11/2018 15:52

If in the unlikely event it turns out you do say those things often then you might want to address it as it really is weird!

cowfacemonkey · 29/11/2018 15:56

Havelock makes a good point this might be SIL trying to put blame on you for something she does and your DN has repeated in front of others.

BollocksToBrexit · 29/11/2018 16:01

One of you has lost the plot. Not sure which though.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/11/2018 16:13

Did the little boy, who came to play yesterday say anything, which could be misinterpreted as any of those phrases?

Your dn is 3. He blamed the first person he thought of even though he may have learnt it from “Tom at nursery”.

Charolais · 29/11/2018 16:14

The boy is telling fibs. I wouldn't have him around me anymore because I'd never trust him to tell the truth and his mother believes everything he tells her, no matter how bizarre.

Bluntness100 · 29/11/2018 16:17

The boy is telling fibs. I wouldn't have him around me anymore because I'd never trust him to tell the truth and his mother believes everything he tells her, no matter how bizarre

Jesus, he's a two year old toddler.

SpottingTheZebras · 29/11/2018 16:19

My three year old tells me all kinds of things that aren’t true and also makes up things she claims her sister does to her. So I wouldn’t put much confidence in your DN saying the true answer when asked a question, especially if he thought he was in trouble. It’s the claim you say those things all the time that I think you need to look into. Ask a couple of people who spend lots of time with you, just to make sure.

I also would stop looking after him and if I was your SIL and genuinely believed what was said, I would be ending the agreement anyway.

SpottingTheZebras · 29/11/2018 16:21

The boy is telling fibs. I wouldn't have him around me anymore because I'd never trust him to tell the truth and his mother believes everything he tells her, no matter how bizarre

At his age I don’t think it counts as fibs. I think sometimes they know an answer is expected and want to please you by saying something, so say what they first think of.

Charolais · 29/11/2018 16:24

The boy doesn't understand the importance of telling the truth yet and his mother believes everything he says, no matter how bizarre.

That is a situation I would not want to involve myself in.

kateandme · 29/11/2018 17:15

for people saying you could accidently say these things?what the...who the hell says these things even once never mind every day!

Returnofthesmileybar · 29/11/2018 17:28

Look you clearly didn't say those things, they are odd things to say anyway so you would definitely remember but her claiming tou say them all the time and the really rude and shitty tone she used would get this reply from me:
"I am really upset by your accusation and the tone of your text early. I strongly refute all you said and to be honest it's left a really bad taste in my mouth. Effective immediately I will no longer be looking after dn again"

Fuck her and the horse she rode in on

magoria · 29/11/2018 17:35

I was told that I say it all the time without realising and that it's in my repertoire of usual responses! This is an adult response no way it has come from a 2.5 year old even if SIL is paraphrasing.

SIL is telling you that you say these things a lot. Either you do and don't even know it or she has made this up from somewhere.

Check with your DH if he thinks you say these things.

I wouldn't be leaving my child with someone who said this sort of thing so I think something else is going on here.

I agree you would not be unreasonable to stop babysitting.

Bumdishcloths · 29/11/2018 17:39

This is just bizarre - bugger looking after the nephew again if she's going to start making random accusations Hmm

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 29/11/2018 18:32

This is bizarre ...really strange...Op I would suggest well I don;t really know what to suggest...its beyond odd..Was SIL drunk?I know my little one picks up everything and repeats it but she is older alot older ...just weird,Make no wonder you are so upset ,,ring her maybe and ask her again??

dustarr73 · 29/11/2018 22:05

Im sure if op said these things all the time.
1,Her dh would have said it to her
2.The Sil wouldnt have left the child with her in the first place.

Its just a weird situation

Holidayshopping · 29/11/2018 22:08

That is most odd. What are you going to do?

Bobbybear10 · 29/11/2018 22:12

Well one of you is clearly unwell.

You need to figure out if that is you or her.

It could be something like multiple personality.

You need to check with your family and friends if they have ever heard you say these things and ask if they have ever seen you do or say anything odd.

If they all say your fine then you need to speak to your SIL parents or partner and see about getting her some help ASAP.

Either way you need to stop looking after DN.

Mumshappy · 29/11/2018 22:24

The concern is that your going to possibly end up losing out on spending time with your DN because of this. SIL clearly has a problem with you as she has automatically assumed you do say these things and believes you say these things all the time. You need to ask for an explanation preferably face to face. They are comments children who have been playing inappropriate computer games say and then pass on to any other child they come across. Id be wanting to know why im the only bloody scapegoat

Bringbackbertha · 29/11/2018 22:24

These sound like quotes from a film....

Are you sure she isn't high and having hallucinations...

SAHSleeper · 29/11/2018 22:35

Whilst Im not saying I think you have said all those things in front of him, I did once say 'I'm gonna stab you in a minute' in jest to DH (he was poking me with a spoon to wind me up whilst I was chopping veg, holding a knife hence saying stab where I'd normally say 'whallop' or the likes) not remembering that my 3 year old was in the room until he repeated it! I was horrified but just ignored it as knew if I made a fuss of saying he shouldn't say that, then he'd continue to say it. Haven't heard him say it since and now I've learnt to just say 'I'll get you back later' when DS is around!

DH has said a few times there are words/phrases I say without thinking/realising whose around but most of them are just words I can't pronounce properly unless I think about it or phrases I say wrong (I.e 'hang your horses up' instead of 'hold your horses') which just make me look incredible stupid!

dustarr73 · 29/11/2018 22:49

@SAHSleeper your dh pulls you up though.

I think the words used sound like out of a horror film,so obviously dn is hearing them somewhere.But the op is the easy target

DartmoorDoughnut · 30/11/2018 06:15

Odd that the OP hasn’t been back Hmm

KeiTeNgeNge · 30/11/2018 06:34

What an interesting post. Wonder when op will be back...

footballmum · 30/11/2018 06:49

FFS. Yet another thread where the OP posts then pisses off!!