AIBU to be upset by SiL's comments?

[In0mniaParatus]

I look after my 2.5 year old DNephew for one day every week and I had him yesterday with no issues (as usual, he's a great little boy, really well behaved and we have a great time). This morning I received a text msg from SiL stating that the following phrases were banned around DN: "I'm going to stab you", "I'm going to cut you" and "I'm going to cut your face off". I was pretty shocked and asked where had he heard that from to be told "From you - he hears everything". I replied that I had never said anything like that or let him see anything on television that would have that kind of language. I was told that I say it all the time without realising and that it's in my repertoire of usual responses!

I am completely shocked and upset. I have never said ANYTHING like that full stop, never mind around DN. I have been racking my brains to think where this could have come from. Yesterday we spend the morning with my mum shopping, in the afternoon my friend came round with her little boy who is a year older but his speech isn't that great for his age so pretty similar to DN, we were playing with the kids the whole time and there is no way that my friend's son would have said anything like that anyway.

The closest thing I can think of is that I do say to DH sometimes "I will kick your backside" but this doesn't happen when DN is around.

I am seriously consdering telling DB and SiL that I won't take DN any more. AIBU to be so upset?

As sil has stated these are things you regularly say as if that’s a fact. First.y if you’re sure you don’t use this terminology I’d say she sounds pretty unwell. I personally would stop looking after your nephew with immediate effect paid or unpaid. Sil sounds unhinged ( though I do of course sympathise that her little boy has come out with stuff like this and she clearly feels upset)

I would no longer look after nephew.

Some years ago my son's nursery informed me that DS was telling people that I would "give him a slap" if he was naughty. It's not even close to the kind of thing that I would say or do. The nursery clearly didn't believe me because 3 year old boys don't make these things up!

tell her that as she clearly is not happy with your childcare then it's best you no longer look after DN

This is exactly what I would do. ^^

I'm finding it a bit bizarre that people are suggesting you might be saying it without thinking though, really? ask husband if you want but knock the childcare on the head.

I would never watch him again. What she's accusing you of is absolutely vile and I wouldn't tolerate such horrible lies. She sounds unhinged.

Well the idea that her SIL has said she says it ALL THE TIME is equally bizarre - if someone said that to me I'd check!

Face to face chat is required here

This is really odd. I'd definitely not have DN for a bit while you sort it out. It's not a normal thing to come up in conversation so it's hard to believe you say this all of the time!!

She has sent the text to the right person ? who else looks after him ?

I cannot believe that you would be merrily going about your day saying those phrases and never ever realising you are saying them or that no-one else would have pulled you up on it ever.

Weird.

If you say those things "all the time" why was she happy for you to mind her son?? I wouldn't trust anyone who says those kinds of things all the time to care for my DD...

Has SIL or DN got hearing problems and mis-heard something?
There's a definite lost in translation feel about this.

Those phrases sound far more like something that slightly older children might say, rather than an adult. Does he have any other childcare during the week, or go to nursery?

I agree that you should not look after him again, then you need to tell SIL that you cannot continue providing childcare and she needs to make alternative arrangements from next week. You have no way of knowing what you may be accused of in following weeks if you continue - every bad habit he picks up (and they all pick up some awful habits!) could be blamed on you.

I'm also thinking he's heard them (or misheard them) at nursery and she's pinning it on you.
But why she thinks you'd say that at all, let alone says she's heard them?

This is utterly bizarre. Sometimes you pick up random little habits in speech and you don't realise how frequently you say them but I find it hard to believe you would come out with something like that and genuinely not know about it.

She must have the wrong person. It's so odd.

Actually I think this could be more sinister - what if it's SIL who's saying those awful things to her DS and now he's old enough to parrot it back has panicked and blamed you to her DH or others who've heard DN say it?

Perhaps talk to your brother about what he thinks is going on? It's so strange. I know that I say things without thinking like, "I'm going to kill DH if he keeps hanging towels on the bathroom door" (this morning) and "that bastard has eaten my Galaxy chocolate at 3 in the fucking morning" (also this morning) so my daughter would potentially repeat that if she heard.

Actually I've heard my 4 year old DD say (when she was unaware I was listening to her playing), "I'm going to cut you!" to one of her toys. When I asked her about it she meant cut him up into bits with her plastic play-dough scissors. So sounded a lot worse than it was.

Very bizarre indeed.
If I thought that you had been saying those words to my toddler, I would be coming round to speak to you face to face, very odd that she would text. How is she in general ?
It's probably in your best interests to stop having your nephew.😮

God it's always the same on here, go no contact, stop the baby sitting break the relationship, it really is why there is so many sad lonely people out there,

Op. Get to the bottom of it. Find out why she thinks this,her comment that it's part of uour reportoire, woild indicate she is under the impression you've a right potty mouth on you and is now thinking you do it in front of the kids.

If you can't get to thr bottom of it and understand why she's saying it, then yes consider breaking away, but do speak to her first off.

If you do do this, and just don't realise, then I'm not sure what's the way forward here, but probably looking after her kid isn't the answer. I'm surprised she'd want you to.

Actually I've heard my 4 year old DD say (when she was unaware I was listening to her playing), "I'm going to cut you!" to one of her toys. When I asked her about it she meant cut him up into bits with her plastic play-dough scissors. So sounded a lot worse than it was.

Flipping heck what did the toy do wrong?!

I think I'd text back, "err, this is In0mnia - who did you think it was?!" If she says you then she can get other childcare!

Absolute madness...

Your sil shouldn't jump to conclusions and be a little but more grateful

I’m totally flummoxed as to a) you saying this and not having any memory of it or anyone else mentioning it before even though you apparently say it regularly and b) why she would want to leave her child with a person she claims talks this way!

Honestly cancel the arrangement, I would. God knows what you’ll be accused of next!

I think your DN is saying it, and when your outraged SIL demands to know where he 'picked up' such language he's thrown you under the bus...as 3 year olds do when they desperate not to get in trouble.

Tell her, in no uncertain terms, that you don't say those things. If she insists that you do, then I would stop looking at DN as this will only be the beginning.

Why should the OP stop looking after her nephew, I'd imagine if she has him once a week he's become attached to her, is that not punishing the child to make a point to the mother?

I'm not sure it's jumping to conclusions, the sister in law saying it's part of the ops usual repertoire of responses indicates she herself has heard her say these thingsand often, , but has maybe just realised she says them in front of the kids.

What's odd is the op says she doesn't, so one of them is wrong.