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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it’s not the end of the world if he feeds to sleep

116 replies

KonaMum · 29/11/2018 10:57

DS is 12 weeks old and a great nighttime sleeper (sleeps at least 6 hours in one go every night, wakes for one feed and will settle himself if he stirs at other times) but his naps are a bit all over the place and at times he gets really overtired and grumpy. He has improved in the last couple of weeks but it’s still a struggle some days and there is no pattern or reliability. He would never just be put into a cot and go to sleep!

Someone on a group I’m in mentioned the Tracy Hogg EASY routine. Now in theory this is just what I was looking for - a routine but still flexible enough that I’m not enforcing anything strict or unreasonable. However DS will only feed to sleep or fall asleep in the sling. If I tried to get him to nap in his cot when he was still awake (no matter how many sleep signals he was giving me) he would just wiggle about until he got bored or overtired and then cry. He definitely would not fall asleep and no amount of shh-ing or patting would change that! Coincidentally - everyone says to pat baby’s back, how do you do this if they are lying in the cot?!

My plan for the time being is a feed, sleep, wake routine as he falls to sleep on the boob approximately half the time anyway and is getting better at being transferred into his cot, and any time he stays awake or wakes up mid-cot transfer, I’ll just pop him in the sling as he’ll almost definitely fall asleep then and at least he’s making that sleep time connection.

I’m really aware though that people seem to think feeding to sleep is this awful habit that you need to discourage. Why? Am I missing something?

OP posts:

WinnerWinnerChickenDinner0 · 01/12/2018 09:12

It’s simple

If your baby is one that will self settle you can do that —and smuggly judge others parenting skills—

If your baby is one that won’t self settle you can feed or rock to sleep until they learn to do it themselves, be that at 1 year, 3 years or when they move into their college dorm

The most valuable piece of parenting advice I ever heard was “you are the leading expert on your baby”

(I still miss those sleepy bedtime cuddles 😍)

WinnerWinnerChickenDinner0 · 01/12/2018 09:13

Was supposed to be a strike through

SnuggyBuggy · 01/12/2018 09:22

Mine is 6 months and I've just had no luck putting her down drowsy but awake. I keep trying now and then though but BF to sleep is what works for us.

WisdomOfCrowds · 01/12/2018 09:34

Like the other posters I made a nightmare for myself trying to do all this "drowsy but awake" bs when my son was tiny. Gave up when he was a few months old and just fed to sleep. Periodically I'd try to get him to fall asleep without milk but without success - he didn't stop feeding to sleep until he was almost 2. Definitely burn the parenting books, they do nothing but make you feel bad.

Watchingthetelly · 01/12/2018 09:51

That Tracey Hogg book should be banned. In addition to being poorly written, it is unrealistic and barely researched (if at all). It's particularly useless if you are breastfeeding

We abandoned EASY at 16 weeks and started feeding to sleep. It became an issue at 7 months though as the feed to sleep association was so strong that DS woke every 60 mins all through the night and would only go to sleep on the breast. In the end we did CC per Ferber. OP for now I'd just feed to sleep and you can figure it out later, your baby is only tiny and probably not able for any real sleep training yet.

Beagadorsrock · 01/12/2018 10:09

We struggled with the 'rules' with the first one. With the second one, we just fed to sleep and then bed-side cot and co-sleeping, all fine (though my sleep was shocking)

codswallopandbalderdash · 01/12/2018 10:23

I felt so much happier when I ditched all the books, the unwanted MIL/mother advice and just decided to do what seemed right for us as a family.

Best advice I ever got was from a male paediatrician who said 'do whatever gets you through' - at this point DS was not sleeping through, was co-sleeping in our bed, and still wanting a bottle at 4am aged 18months. He didn't seem concerned about this so we decided to ditch all the guilt

53rdWay · 01/12/2018 12:11

Feeding to sleep was absolute magic when my DD was tiny. She was not an easy baby and she didn't sleep much, and feeding to sleep was one of the few effective tools I had to settle/nap her. Why on earth I'd have wanted to give it up and make parenting even more difficult for myself was beyond me.

The Tracey Hogg book is also the one that tuts at you for 'accidental parenting', which seems to be 'not sticking religiously to the plans that you made before you had a baby and knew bugger all'. And it has some very weird advice about breastfeeding.

darceybussell · 01/12/2018 12:38

Yes I agree, feeding to sleep is one of the benefits of breastfeeding that you don't even realise before you have a baby. Even when DS was reliant on it and was up every hour/two hours throughout the night, I only had to feed him for a bit and he would go straight back down. If I'd not been breastfeeding it might have taken longer to get him back to sleep again and I might have been even more sleep deprived!

CAAKE · 01/12/2018 19:08

I fed both of mine to sleep until they were 2 years old. Loved every minute but did have to get DP to take over bedtimes once I wanted to stop feeding DC2.

SnuggyBuggy · 01/12/2018 19:11

Tried again today and it was another fail, drowsy but awake still not working with her.

WoahBaby · 01/12/2018 19:34

Just got to say that feeding to sleep is the best thing ever imo. That milk drunk sleepy face that babies do just turns me to jelly!! 12 weeks is too young to worry about bad habits setting in, they're not that aware. Give it another month or two and you might notice LO is creating a habit or you may feel some light sleep training could help but there's no rush right now. Enjoy the cuddles.

Kezia14 · 01/12/2018 19:47

Hi, first time Mummy here. I wondered people who breast fed or rock baby to sleep. Once asleep what did you do with baby? Keep hold or lay them down? Also how long do they sleep/nap for?

SnuggyBuggy · 01/12/2018 19:50

I used to be able to feed to sleep then transfer her but now she wakes as soon as put down

Findingthingstough18 · 01/12/2018 19:51

I think I needed this thread. My DS (5 months) doesn't actually feed to sleep much - occasionally in the day, but at around 3 months he stopped feeding to sleep at night (but he does feed back to sleep when he wakes) but he's a total movement junkie - he's rocked to sleep every night and he takes every nap in his pram (either out or about or in the hallway). I actually feel I made life harder for myself than I had to by trying to follow bullshit rules to 'not make a rod for my own back' in the first few months, so now I'm trying just to go with his flow - and if that's rocking either in arms or in the pram, then so be it. It's so nice to read other people saying they also just embraces the way their baby wanted things; it's so hard to tune out all the people who tell you you're going to ruin both your and your baby's life if you don't do everything 'right'.

Aspergallus · 01/12/2018 20:01

It’s one of those weird things most routines advise against, when it seems completed natural.

You don’t need some routine from someone who doesn’t know your life or your baby. All you need to know is that babies tend to do things in 90 minute cycles. So when your baby wakes, note the time cos they’ll be ready to sleep again in 90 minutes, or 3 hours if you miss the first 90 minute cue. Feed them when they wake, and feed them to sleep again if that’s what works for you.

homebirds · 01/12/2018 20:05

Feed to sleep - share a bed - do whatever works. I can't think of anything worse than being dictated to by weird rules that some random person creates.

Crimbobimbo · 01/12/2018 20:06

Reading whilst feeding 18 week to sleep here. Bit annoying to miss strictly but hey ho

LisaSimpsonsbff · 01/12/2018 20:12

It’s one of those weird things most routines advise against, when it seems completed natural.

You wouldn't sell many books telling people to carry on doing what they're doing. The scam of the books all seems to be that they tell you they can make your baby do early things that they all do eventually (feed less frequently, get into some sort of routine, sleep through the night). I'm pretty certain they 'work' because some of the time those things just happen and then people attribute it to the book.

UbiquitousDust · 01/12/2018 20:17

If it's working for both of you, carry on and don't stress it.

IF something gets to be an issue, then look at alternatives but why rock the boat if you're both happy?

The thing is, babies change so quickly that you're best off going with the flow rather than trying to anticipate what might, possibly, potentially cause a bit of bother at some point in the future maybe.

Make the most of it, in a few years time you want have that option to fall back on when he won't sleep! 😂

Nonomore2 · 01/12/2018 21:51

@Watchingthetelly Hi. Your post is slightly scared me- as someone who feeds to sleep their 4month old I’m worried it will become engrained and he won’t ever be able to sleep without it (until we do something stressful like CC). He used to wake 1/2 a night for a quick feed but not with the regression it’s every 2/3 hrs. And he needs a feed to go back down.
You seem to be happy you did it even though it caused a habit you had to break, us that right? I’m just interested to understand better. Thanks

memememum · 01/12/2018 21:56

YANBU The DC I fed to sleep slept 12 hours a night from around 2yrs. The one who didn't feed to sleep still doesn't sleep age 7 yrs.

letallthechildrenboogie · 01/12/2018 22:47

I feed to sleep my 12 month old twins, and love it. It's like taking the batteries out. Why on earth would i give up something so valuable? Either they will move on from it or I will decide i have had enough, but till then it's my only reliable way of getting them both quiet together, and actually getting some sleep myself!

Skatersbeskating · 01/12/2018 22:51

Feeding to sleep.

Absolutely fine.

They feed AND sleep - double win. I did it for a longgggg time.

Sashkin · 02/12/2018 04:55

@Nonomore2 to be honest, what works to get them off to sleep changes as they get older anyway - whatever you do will stop working after a while.

So DS used to fall asleep mid-feed when he was a newborn. When he got a bit older he still fed to sleep but woke as soon as he was put down so I started feeding him when he was already in the cosleeper cot.

Then that stopped working because he didn’t want to go in the cot in the first place, he wanted to be in with me, so we did a combination of rocking to sleep after a feed and cosleeping when he woke in the night and we were too tired to rock a screaming baby for half an hour.

We went through a phase of just cosleeping when we moved house and his separation anxiety was really bad (about 14months old). We weren’t feeding to sleep at that stage, he just decided he would only sleep snuggled up next to me. Then we put him in his own room at 16months (still rocking to sleep), and now he finally goes to sleep on his own after a story aged 18months.

We just did what maximised our sleep. DS was a great sleeper as a newborn (woke 2-3 times a night from birth) but unfortunately was still waking 1-2 times a night at 14months and went through a super-clingy phase between 12-18months! He sleeps through now, it was just a case of being patient.

If I could have coslept until 18months I think he would have been a wonderful sleeper. But I am an extremely heavy sleeper and wasn’t comfortable doing it when he was tiny, and then when he was older he was pretty mobile (and did fall out of the bed a couple of times, luckily no injuries). So it wasn’t something I felt was safe as a regular thing.

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